Update: Situation Tense

LateralThinker13 · 2019-04-08T20:28:22+00:00

DH is not rational. Take the job so you can support yourself, and cut the narcissistic nutjob loose. And I don't make this kind of recommendation lightly. When everybody around you is saying that his behavior is wrong, AND he's even transgressing school rules (plagarism), that clearly suggests he thinks he's above the rules. Classic narcissist. And that kind of behavior is rarely cureable, even IF they think anything is wrong (and they usually don't).

Get out. Get clear. And beware of the potential for explosive, violent physical/social rage from him when you behave rationally. Narcissistic behavior is an immature defense mechanism AND a brain disorder; when challenged, he won't respond in rational ways, but lash out in dangerous and irrational ones. Even if he's normally a gentle, considerate person.

GTFO and watch your back.

EDIT: Also, I highly recommend the book, "Say Goodbye to Crazy" so you understand what you may be dealing with. It's primarily written with an eye towards men in relationships with narcissistic women (narc women outnumber similar men by 3:1 or more, AND society endorses their behavior) but it will benefit you too.

havingababypenguin · 2019-04-08T15:42:55+00:00

Your husband thinks doing his Master’s thesis is a wifely duty? What the fuck OP? Did I misunderstand something?

unlikelyred · 2019-04-08T16:19:28+00:00

I mentioned your last post to my husband because I was trying to figure out what would make a guy do something like that when it clearly reflected badly on him in the eyes of his colleagues. My husband said that he probably feels like you don't deserve credit in his dissertation for fulfilling what he sees to be your wifely duties. It sounded outrageous that a guy would think like that and I quietly wanted to give your husband the benefit of the doubt. I was clearly mistaken...it seems that his perception of your wifely duties includes taking credit for your previois academic work and he would rather jeopardize his entire PhD with academic dishonesty charges than to give you credit for things you wrote. I think you might be married to a narcissist and I am not sure what you should do about it...but it does sound like you have a very supportive family who has your back.

I would be concerned in your shoes about what kind of father he will be and he is making it sound like he doesn't really want the responsibility of having a child. He is angry at you for getting pregnant too soon when actively trying for a baby because it is inconvenient for his success. He had sex with you but does not seem to feel any personal responsibility in the creation of this child. If I were you I would assume that between his PhD potentially being in jeopardy and his general narcissism that you need to be in a position to support your child if necessary because right now there is no guarantee he will be able to do that or even want to do that long term. You will also likely find that serving a man in a SAHM capacity who has little appreciation for your contributions to his life and dismisses anything you do at home as you doing the bare minimum required for your job is a pretty soul crushing, demoralizing experience. If I were in your shoes, I would take that job regardless of what your husband believes a woman's role is because his ship is about to crash into the rocks unless he does a quick turn around. It doesn't seem like he plans to do that though so you need to be inflating the life raft.

mandoa_sky · 2019-04-08T15:41:48+00:00

sounds like DH doesn't like the idea of you being academically successful.

that doesn't bode well... the job offer should be good if you need more money (and it works well around having a baby in tow)

stripethrowaway · 2019-04-08T16:02:30+00:00

I am so sorry. I don't know what your next steps are to be, but I hope you don't mind me asking you to please imagine what a marriage and raising a family could be like with this guy. Jesus Christ.

You're going to make it through this, it sounds like you have some amazing family that has your back!!!

espressolover18 · 2019-04-08T20:00:31+00:00

Don't marry him. He's a narcissist and sounds like he could turn abusive.

Also, watch the film "Big Eyes."

ObedientLittleWife · 2019-04-09T15:12:34+00:00

This is so weird... Using things you made in his projects NEED citation, those are the rules. It's fine if he doesn't want your name in his projects but then he shouldn't use your work. Also very classy that he got into a fight with your father and brother. I hope for you this isn't the man he is and is more about the stress of you being pregnant...

sneyabs · 2019-04-17T17:15:19+00:00

And you’re with this piece of crap self centered douche bag why?

Title	Update: Situation Tense
Author	Colorfullheart
Upvotes	29
Comments	20
Date	April 8, 2019 3:34 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/bav87h/update_situation_tense/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/update-situation-tense.224751 https://theredarchive.com/post/224751

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