Weekly reflection thread: 11/02/15

windlabyrinth · 2015-11-03T02:52:09+00:00

Kinda small but very big thing for me, I haven't pulled out any of my hair in seven days (I have "untreated" trich/ocd). In 20 + years I haven't gone a day without going at my hair.

Starting to go to the climbing gym with boyfriend. It'll be good motivation for me to work out on the side because I want to build strength and stamina to be better t the wall.

fhigurethisout · 2015-11-02T23:22:51+00:00

This week wasn’t the easiest!

I found out my mom has been lying to some family friends regarding my career situation. Long story short, she has been making me look like an idiot and herself look like the “poor mom with a terrible kid”. Her ability to victimize herself absolutely disgusts me. When she admitted she said these lies about me, she began blaming other people, including myself. She’s bitter that I’m not who she was; she had seven stores and ran everything. Work came before family, she even worked on xmas day a lot. She was SO miserable. Why would I want to be the business woman she was?

It’s frustrating, I’ve been trying so hard to repair our relationship, and this is the second time in half a year she’s lied about me. the first time triggered me to move out, which was a wise decision (thanks to some encouragement around here!)

On an interesting note, it actually brought my sister and i closer together. She was very supportive and actually noticed this lying/manipulative nature about my mom a long time before I did. My mom used to turn me against her a lot, and my sister explained that those situations were often manipulated and escalated. I feel bad for not realizing it before, but it's good to know now.

Relationship with boyfriend has been great. I cooked for him a bit more last week, it felt nice to serve him food after he’d been at work all day. I also sewed our costumes for Halloween (pulled an allnighter for this, bad , i know) and we went to a party. However, some girl (with her boyfriend there lol) was hardcore flirting and touching my guy towards the end of the night—he was quite drunk at this point and didn’t notice, but it really hit a nerve. She actually looked at me while she was doing this; i can’t tell if I was imagining it, i was so overtired, but it really felt as though she was taunting me.

So I had a moment after where I messed up and got angry that he didn’t stop her. When I realized he was oblivious to it, i calmed down and apologized. I also realized I hadn’t slept in a long time and was getting irritable. The next day he said it was totally fine, and reassured me a lot when I didn’t deserve it. To be honest, i noticed her flirting with a lot of other guys that night, and i don't think her beta bf was doing anything to intervene. He should run while he can...he just looked sorta helpless the whole night lol

Otherwise I worked out 5 days last week (would’ve rather had all 7), nearly finished my next project, and been OK with not overeating despite the holidays. I began a mentorship this week too, so I’m really excited!

The mom situation is really weighing me down though, when my mind spirals into negative thinking patterns I just feel sick that she’s so two-faced and that i can’t trust her. I really trusted her as a kid, even through my teenaged years...but in my twenties it's been this slow, agonizing realization that she's probably been lying about a lot of situations when they weren't in her favour...and now even lying about me...:/

TempestTcup · 2015-11-03T11:36:56+00:00

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cats_or_get_out · 2015-11-03T01:48:27+00:00

I need to read more books and go on Reddit less. I have bunch of books that I'm reading right now that I want to finish but I let myself get distracted (also, I fall asleep all the time).

I have been better about working out consistently. I work on my feet all day, so I have to overcome this urge to become one with the couch.

My husband is TAD for the week, so it's the just my daughter and me. I have this overwhelming urge to nap and feed us nachos for dinner. I gotta push through this urge and resist going into full bachelor-mode. I mean, I will have to clean up this place by Friday, and I can't feed my kid (or me) junk for the next few days.

Sometimes Present Self doesn't have Future Self's best interests at heart. Ugh. I hope that next week I'll report that I lived well this week in spite of the temptations to be a slob.

2015-11-03T00:58:23+00:00

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rpvelvetcupcake · 2015-11-03T06:05:35+00:00

The new gym just opened near where I live, my dad bought us memberships so I am making it a goal to work out there 4 times a week! It's really eciting because I get to take my fitness to another level. I have only been doing cardio, weight resistance and yoga at home but now I get to incorporate some minor weight training! It's going to be so much fun since my parents and sister are tracking each other's progress. :)

I am really happy with the way I have been using my spare time too, in between studying I am also meditating and taking up a new instrument As well, volunteering has been going great and it really adds a lot more positivity to my daily life when I get to be around people that are working towards impacting the local community in a really great way.

My goal for this week is to make the most of my mornings with working out, working on my school work, and working on my research project. As well, I want to focus more on drawing satisfaction from what's going right in my life right now. :)

cron-nin · 2015-11-04T00:24:50+00:00

For me, I just kind of discovered this sub. For now, it's all about breaking bad habits that I have and learning tricks from this sub.

Try to stay off my phone around my boyfriend.
I feel super guilty for not knowing my way around my own kitchen and my home. I want to take time for it to become my own: what I have, where it is, what do I need, etc.
Doing chores. My boyfriend works full-time while I only work part-time (his 40 vs. my 30) It's only fair for me to do the bulk of the chores, with minimal complaint. And do it when he's not home. When's home, I take that time to spend time with him.
The biggest has to be control issues. I am reading "The Surrendered Wife" and it's been eye-opening and hard to implement. I recommend it to everyone here.

snbdmliss · 2015-11-04T02:56:01+00:00

Weird weekend, but overall life is improving. This is a report the past few months.

Getting Healthier Now only 1.5 lbs away from where I was 2 years ago (size 4), down 6lbs in 2 months, maybe 15 to go to ideal. Got out of ltr 2 months ago, and during the last ~6-9 months of that relationship, I gained 8lbs. Was stressed with job situation, not exercising or living life normally, was trying to do everything right in every area of life but constantly felt like I was failing and was getting little help from anyone around me (and I kept asking), and really the kicker here was my internalizing of my work/life situation and the unhealthy aspects of my ex’s treatment of me in that relationship. The great man I knew him to be, that was intelligent, respectful, kind, loving, strong, fun, and very sexy had almost fully just disappeared behind the walls he built for himself of bitterness and hatred, and all the ways that manifested itself in him and us. I tried hard, but it was a fool’s effort. His choice was anger and fear, and only he can change his mind on that, should he want to actually choose love again. I know now that that treatment was a reflection of him internally though and not a reflection of me really, but I took so much of it personally before and it was making me incredibly frustrated, sad, and always anxious.

Emotional Healing If you love something, let it go. It became clear to me that my ex couldn’t really heal while being with me and his healing process was becoming so cruel to me emotionally (it was building up because I don’t really fight or argue) that while I would’ve weathered any storm for him, and stuck by his side forever while he healed and became himself again if he would’ve only just met me on some specific needs, I knew that wasn’t what he really needed then to be that great man I see in him once again. He needed space. I hope he can find the strength and clarity to heal beyond the events in his life that lead him to this unhappy path, and thrive again with real love. I want for his happiness, and also for mine. If he returns someday healed, I might welcome that, but I will not wait for him again. For me, I am healing and building stronger; I have a better understanding of myself, the ways I have screwed up, how to be better in the future, and what I both want and need to be truly happy in relationships and otherwise. I am stronger and happier, and getting more so daily, even in the face of all the upsets in life that have come my way.

Weird Weekend Went alone to Vegas this weekend for some friends’ wedding. I haven’t seen most of these people in years as they were all friends of an ex of mine (prior to last ex).

One by one during the reception, most of the people who I knew in that group (guys and couples) wanted to tell me how much I was missed, that I was by far the most awesome woman my ex ever dated, and that I looked better (“smoking hot” I got a few times), healthier, and happier than they had ever seen me, and that I just looked at peace in life, like I knew what I wanted and where I was going and was achieving what I wanted too. I wish I felt that way completely internally, but working on it. I even got compliments of “you’re an amazing women,” which was flattering, and I thanked them all for the kind words. Of course I did get a few over the top being hit on comments, but I politely declined those. In any case, there is a special wonderfulness in being told by people that they think highly of me, as it doesn’t happen often (people don’t compliment others much these days), but more so because it makes me feel like, yes, I am working hard to be great, and others recognize and appreciate that effort I am making in me as well. Also makes me even more motivated to keep at it.

A number of these people also know my recent ex and wanted to tell me they were surprised at us as a couple, and why would I date him, that I deserve much better, and that he is ‘disrespectful to women’ and people in general, and is a ‘douchebag,’ and ‘asshole,’ among other things that were said about him which I don’t want to go more into. There were also things even said about his ex-wife and their relationship. What weird alternate universe did I fall into? Anyway, I found myself respectfully defending my ex to these few mutual acquaintances, as no matter what transpired between him and I (or even him and his ex-wife), it’s none of their business and I would not want and will not allow anyone to speak poorly of him, or by association me, or anyone else for that matter. That’s just disrespectful and unacceptable, and people looking for drama. Even if they meant well by it in a roundabout way, like saying I can do much better, it’s still not ok.

My ex-ex-bf was also there with his current gf (since ~6 months after me). He was obviously uncomfortable, not because we have any tension, we were not right for each other and parted on amicable mutual terms, but because his current gf was visibly flustered by me/presence. I even said hi, but she walked away 10 seconds later and childishly avoided me after that. Anyway, I had met her once before they got together; she was much younger than my ex, ~7 years or so, and sort of cute with an average personality. I remember him telling me how amazing he thought she was then. Seeing her again, 3 years later, she has put on at least 60lbs, was wearing a poncho, and has a horrible and very unfeminine personality; bitchy and demanding the whole time. I wanted to pull my ex aside and chat with him about how it’s obvious she doesn’t respect him or think highly of him, and he needs to get himself together and get rid of any woman that ever treats him so poorly (as a side note though, I did not do that, I knew he wouldn’t take it well, and he probably won’t get rid of her, he was raised by a crazy single mom who I never got along with because of her man-hatred that she tortured him with). I massively helped my ex improve his life over our 4 years, and pushed him to be and opened space for him to rise up to be more of a man because I loved him then and wanted him to be successful in life living up to his dreams. I helped him get back in school, and get his momentum back, and supported him the whole way (although too much so as in essence he eventually stole from me, but that’s another matter)… it appears that his momentum has all but ended. I feel sad for him, but at the same time, it is on him for failing. He seemed to feel when we broke up that my gentle pushing of him towards greatness emasculated him; I only pushed him because he seemed to lack focus on his own and he asked me for help. Yes, I screwed up there, but the results speak for themselves. I can see that current gf probably has never done any of that, and his life looks much worse. Without drive and ambition, we all fail. He never had that internal to himself, and I tried to help him have it, and he resented me for it. I could just tell that he was looking at me the whole night contemplating his life now, and thinking “wow, I screwed up, and have a lot of changes that need to be made.” And I don’t mean any of this in a bad way, or even ego-stroking way, just as an observation. I wish him the best.

Speaking of respect and couples, it disgusts me when I see that people get fat together. That's a sure sign to me that neither party really respects, loves, nor is working to be their best for each other. Barring some crazy and isolated life happenings and a little bit of natural swing up and down, there's no excuse for becoming hideous.

Life Changes Long drives by yourself = introspection time. I’m hopeful for a job offer here shortly, and then an apartment, and be back on my feet and stable again. I hate instability, but have had more experiences with it than I think most people ever do their entire lives, so for those lessons in life, I am grateful. Each period of instability and sort of hitting bottom has made me a better person with a lot more grace and understanding in the world.

One thing I noticed, I’ve met most every man who I have ever dated’s next SO after me, through happenstance, mutual friends, because I don’t throw napalm everywhere when things are over, etc. I try to objectively look at these women, to see why men are drawn to them, what they are doing differently, and for ways to improve myself. It’s a weird thing, I’m not perfect, but most of the women these men go for are downgrades in most ways I can see (less hot, interesting, nice, compatible, crazier, etc). There has to be something I can’t see, as why would men go for these women? It can’t all just be sex. Most men can get sex easily, just like women, if they want to, so it’s a weird observation, why do they downgrade?

I realized something else as well. After every relationship and breakup, and every other period of things not working out or failing massively, I have had in life, I have come out of it being far better than I was when I went in. It’s not usually immediate, but it happens each time. I have gotten progressively hotter in life, healthier, more fit, addressed my personality shortcomings, learned to be a better partner, learned to be more feminine (and not just feel weak), learned to be more humble, learned to be less obnoxious with my intelligence (I still get called Bill Nye though by some friends), learned to take more responsibility for things I screw up, learned to accept criticism and fix things, learned to be stronger and know I can handle most anything, In essence… I keep getting better. I often feel like I am getting older, I am 34 now, and single, homeless, and jobless. I don’t look good on paper maybe, but I have so much more to me than that to offer in the world, things that many people never experience or have fought through, and I am better for it I believe. I needed all my life experiences up until now to be the person that I am, and frankly, I am proud of me.

Namshubophile · 2015-11-03T17:22:11+00:00

Positives:

-Consistently doing what I can to make his/our home a more relaxing environment since he has a very draining job. Sending him to work with a hot breakfast. I love hearing how his male coworkers all feel like they need better girlfriends because they want what he has. Score! :)

-Being open and honest with him as soon as I catch myself being controlling. I used to try to make it out like it was his fault that I "had" to be controlling.

-I am increasing the number of things I do for him and I can see how much it pleases him.

-We are ring shopping and early wedding planning! No proposal yet (cuz no ring, obviously) but it's clear we are really freaking excited to spend our lives together. I never thought I would be with such a great man who is so very excited about me. And the more I embrace RPW, the more he amazes me with just how much more awesome he can get. It brings me so much joy.

-I started a natural supplement that is helping me with anxiety a whole bunch. Hooray!

Negatives:

-My self care is suffering. I see myself aging in the mirror and I think it is from unmanaged stress. I need more sleep. I need to eat more frequently. I spend most of my life hungry.

-I still cry and get stuck when we have disagreements or misunderstandings. This is the product of an anxiety problem I am dealing with professionally. I get really afraid and cry, and I don't feel okay to move on from the topic even after he thinks it's resolved. Until I am able to kick this, I try to just be open and vulnerable when it's happening. The less I can make it his fault, the better. Ever since I started focusing on being more RPW, he has started to respond to these episodes of mine with "trust me and chill out" when I feel unable to relax about something. This soothes me greatly and is just what I need to hear.

-My own home, which is next door and essentially serves as my home office and closet since I live in his home otherwise, is a disaster. I have good intentions to get it in order, but my energy levels are pretty low. Which is why I need to focus on self-care first so that everything else can more sustainably follow.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-11-03T00:06:00+00:00

yay! i missed last week.

i have been hamstering like a mad woman lately. this week will make it one month since I've been dating the new guy!! This would be the longest I've been involved with someone since my breakup in January. While I should be happy about this, and I am, I can't help but feel a tad confused or worried: we are exclusively dating but he is not my boyfriend. This is a new concept for me and I don't want to put any timelines or anything on us (yet) so I am working hard to just go with it and have fun! He hasn't shown me any reason to not trust him or his word--the opposite in fact! And he's definitely everything I like in a man thus far, so I'm just trying not to be my own worst enemy!!

Outside of that, trying to cook my lunches every day for work this week. I'm so tired of buying out every day. Finally, I had to register for spring classes and that was kind of stressful. It's just been like the 12 Labors of Hercules trying to balance everything.

2015-11-03T06:35:08+00:00

Alright, this week I'll give it a shot. Still new at rpw, but I really like the ideas here and I hope I can really get behind them and improve myself and have the relationship I want. Self care - I stopped drinking soda to try and lose weight, but since I stopped drinking soda, I haven't drank much of anything. My lips are so chapped and my skin is so dry. I am trying hard to remember and encourage myself to drink more water. Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
House care - completed all the laundry. I can now start a regular routine and not have any catch up to do. My specific goals are to lose 30 pounds, have an organized and well functioning home, and to improve my financial situation so that I can be a valuable team member instead of a burden.

Not sure what else to put. Here's to next week.

Eucalyptus-mint · 2015-11-03T12:04:47+00:00

I missed last week due to being fairly busy, so time to reflect on two weeks:

Relationship w/ SO: Celebrated an anniversary with my SO last weekend! We did some archery and clay pigeon shooting, which was a lot of fun. We were in a slight competition over the archery and he won, though I did frighten him when I had some really good rounds. I am secretly glad he won, and he seemed pleased I handled the shotgun well enough during the shooting. I have been a bit grumpy lately, but I try turning it into self-aware whiney child (basically whining about something but recognising it's because I'm grumpy) rather than being rude and callous towards him. I've been helping him with his work around the farm without complaint lately, so I am happy about that. I have also been making us some awesome sandwiches with our George Foreman that he has been requesting every night, so I am feeling great about that.

Relationships w/ Everyone else: I am trying very hard to be patient and kind to my boyfriend's parents, and I have had some success this week. I sidestep being dragged into their arguments and I give noncommittal answers when they are complaining about one another. I help out when I can and say a lot of "Hail Mary"s when I am finding myself becoming frustrated by them. I have also been daydreaming about us moving out, though it is not anytime soon, and that helps when I am too frustrated.

Health: Started counting calories this week and restarting couch to 5K. I found out that they updated the bmi calculator the other day - I inserted my height and weight and found out I am just barely into overweight. Yikes! That is what started me calorie counting, though I am taking a week and a half to figure out how much I am eating each day on average before I start cutting things. However, my pants have been getting looser the past few weeks through portion control so I think I am on the right path!

Miscellaneous: I finished up some of craft projects and got started on some others. I need to figure out how to wrap the christmas gifts I made for my parents before they come to visit. I have been cross-stitching like crazy trying to get through one of my projects. I overestimated my cross-stitch speed and may have overcommitted myself with christmas presents. Oh well, I will keep at it!

Goals for the week: back into journaling, continue my couch to 5k program, clean out the wardrobe, try to finish one page of the crossstitch

2015-11-03T15:13:21+00:00

Last week I had a death in the family and sort of abandoned myself to help out. This week I am focusing on getting back on track with everything. This includes but not limited to diet, yoga, work, personal care, and care for my home. I also need to work on not beating myself up about not having it together ALL of the time. Setbacks happen and they will continue to happen but that doesn't make it the end of the world.

littleteafox · 2015-11-03T18:14:52+00:00

Last week I was kind of lazy.

I want to really nail down a productive morning routine. I've been wanting to fit in more exercise somewhere but I think mornings are the only consistent, reliable time I have to exercise outside of my martial arts classes. I want to wake up a little earlier and figure out what kind of morning fitness routine I want to do.. yoga, body weight stuff, maybe even running?

Kittenkajira · 2015-11-03T19:00:59+00:00

I had a super-productive week last week. Whenever I have a really productive week like that, I wonder if I can keep it up the next. I'm going to give it my best again!

I remembered to use my new corny little "fix it pot". It's a canister with fun-sized candies in it. When things seem like they're all going to shit, you go to the pot, grab a candy, think of a few things you like about him, then go give him the candy with a smile. I was in a cranky mood and had started to take it out on him. I thought about how I really don't want to fight, then remembered my little pot. I got right up in the middle of a funk and came back with a candy and a smile. It seems kinda stupid, but it helped redirect me to more positive emotions - and it changed the atmosphere to a positive and happy one.

11335577992244668800 · 2015-11-04T17:57:51+00:00

I finally broke up with my fiance' and feel motivated to loose the 10 pounds I gained in the last year which he encouraged and develop a full range of hobbies and skills which he discouraged. I'm pretty new to all this. It really goes in line with my desire to be a homemaker first and foremost. If I could find an emotionally stable, logical and intelligent man who would provide me a modest home I think my life would be complete. I'm really glad I stumbled across all of this, at 22 I now realise why subconsciously I gravitated to serious relationships over flings and that it is the ideal strategy. My plan is a long period of self improvement minus males and then eventually a really clear headed and rational approach to LTR selection.

Title	Weekly reflection thread: 11/02/15
Author	fhigurethisout
Upvotes	10
Comments	36
Date	November 2, 2015 11:08 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3r9ykb/weekly_reflection_thread_110215/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/weekly-reflection-thread-110215.85735 https://theredarchive.com/post/85735

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