I have been called funny and charming for the majority of my adult life. It was never something I trained or studied but It has proven very effective in my dating game and general social life.

After thinking and analyzing how I do it I have developed those tips for my cousin to help him improve his social life (he is generally quite a shy and boring person to talk to, especially in public). Using some of those tips he was able to completely change himself in the period of about six months to the point that his social life is now much more successful and frankly enjoyable.

Let’s begin!

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I see a lot of posts regarding humor and charm take this as something you can just learn and use as a tool whenever you require it. In reality However if you want to be a funny, charming guy then you need to live the life of someone who is all that. Charm and humor is a lifestyle and usually not something you would just use from time to time. In order to be that you need to change yourself and the way you think and perceive the world around you.

STEP 1 - Don’t care about what other people think of you!

The first step in being funny and charming is to be extremely comfortable in your own skin whatever the situation may be. Whenever we are in public we might often feel watched or judged by other people. We are afraid to be loud or stupid because they will think bad things about us and then tell them to other people. Doing that we often lock ourselves in our own little comfort zone and try to stay under the radar.

If that sounds a lot like you then you need to realize that 99% of people nether cares or wants to care about you. They all have their own life’s and won’t spend much of their time thinking about you. You can usually do some really stupid shit and they will still not remember you or your face after about 3 days. You can test this and try to remember the last time someone you know did something really cringeworthy. If you have to think for more than two seconds then chances are you don’t really remember or care!

So how do you do it?

The only way to feel secure and comfortable about being you and stop caring what people might think is to do stupid or embarrassing shit and then take it like a man. When helping my cousin I came up with a number of fun exercises that we would do daily to help him thicken his skin.

Those may include:

-screaming random shit in public place with lots of people and just standing there after. -approaching pretty woman in public places to ask or tell them something completely random. -approaching a group of guys or women and pretending to know them. -telling bad jokes to people in front of other people. -playing (very badly) an instrument in a public place -going to a fast food place and deliberately eat like pigs until people notice. -walk around town in badly fitting clothes that don’t really match together. Do this again and again until you start to care less and less! Now this is easier said than done so take as much time as you need and don’t move to the next step until you got the first one down. Most people will find your ability to not give a fuck extremely charming and confident since they often can’t do that themselves . It will also provide you with tons of cool party stories to tell.

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STEP 2 - be unapologetic and keep your frame!

Keeping your frame means to know who you are, what you like and embrace that to the fullest. A lot of people will try to fit into a mold of some kind of person they would like to be with a preconceived idea of what they should like and what they shouldn’t. People (especially woman) will often try to shake your frame in order to see what you really are (the famous shit test).

The problem however lies in the fact that people who do that are often boring and predictable which makes them un-charismatic and a complete bore to talk to. By doing the exact opposite you become confident, charming and often really really funny.

How do you do it?

This one is very very easy! Just be yourself and don’t ever apologize for it. If you like something then say it and if someone doesn’t like it tell them to fuck off. People will often try to tell you that in order to be manly and confident you need to like what they tell you to like and dislike what they tell you to dislike.

NOTE : This isn’t meant as that stupid old advice you mother probably told you about just being yourself and people will somehow like it. Do not use that as an excuse to be proud of being a shy boring guy. If your life is un-interesting then go make it more interesting. The point of this is just that whatever it is you chose to like in life you should stand behind it a 100%!

Many guys for example think that they cannot admit to girls that they like video games, cute animals, sweet cocktails, candles or shit romantic comedies. It doesn’t mater what you like but the way you stand behind it.

I personally love cute animals, candles and I love watching cartoons and I stand behind it. I like what I like and I will often joke about it. Woman will often try to shit test you with stuff like: “you like candles? What are you a girl?” or some dumb shit like that. Just show them that you really don’t care what they think and that they can just fuck off.

Own yourself a 100%! Yes I like cartoons and Yes I watch them every day. Yes I like cats and Yes I have party in the USA on my workout mix!

If she doesn’t like it, she walks! There are tons of people with whom you can hang out instead and the same goes for your male friends.

It’s not what you do but how you do it. Soon you will realize that you can pretty much do whatever you want in life and people will like you as long as you stand behind your actions!

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STEP 3 - Have fun with whatever you do!

If you got the first two steps down then you should find this one to be pretty easy!

If you want to be fun and charming you need to actually have fun. Whatever you do just ask yourself how can you make this more fun and start looking for things that are funny about it.

Joke about everything and never take life too seriously! If you can’t do it at first then just fake it until you make it and sooner or later it will start feeling normal to you.

Funny people are funny because they are indeed very fun people and people happen to like hanging out with fun funny people.

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STEP 4 - Remain unfazed in stressful situations and just play off your mistakes!

Tell me how do you kill a god? It’s easy you just make him doubt himself!

When you carry yourself like a confident charming man there will always be people out there who will test you! They will try to get under your skin and make you expose your weakest point. You should expect it and be prepared to deal with it because it will happen and you shouldn’t take it personally.

If you can make a god bleed then people will cease to believe in him! How do you do it?

If you truly own yourself and what you are then there is nothing anybody could really do about it. Do not explain yourself, do not apologize and do not defend your actions!

You don’t owe anyone jack shit!

Part of this is hard to train and hard to fake. People will be able to tell if you try to fake it but it’s the only thing you can really do until you master it. You cannot really train it ether so just be prepared for it and react the best you can. Learn from your mistakes and make it better every time. Be prepared for people to attack and question you and go from there!

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STEP 5 - Regret nothing!

This phrase gets a lot of shit because of people who only use because it’s cool to say when In reality they don’t mean it.

REMEMBER: if you have to say it then you don’t mean it. People who have no regrets don’t brag about it because it’s something that’s normal to them. How to do it? Being ok with your past can be tricky but totally doable and will make your life much more enjoyable. The thing I use is remind myself that whatever I did there will come a day when I find It funny. It may not be today but the day will come. Also make fun of it and remember that whatever you did it in the past it made you who you are today. Learn from your mistakes and be a better man for it. Whenever someone reminds you of your mistakes don’t make excuses for it! Just laugh about it and say: “yes I did that and so what”! Nobody goes thrue life without fucking up but not everyone can laugh about it. We also tend to wildly overestimate the importance of our past mistakes. We may think they mattered but the majority of other people don’t and probably already forgot about it. I STEP 6 - Actually making people laugh!

Now if you follow all the other steps you should already be a much more fun and charming person to be around. Making people actually laugh however is something that will just be easier for some that it is for others but there are tips you can follow to increase your chances.

  1. always lead the group conversation - whenever there is a group of people you need to take the lead of the conversation. If you cannot lead then your jokes will fall on deaf ears at best of be considered smug remarks at worst.

  2. laught at yourself - by laughing to your own jokes you instantly increase your chances that others will follow by 100%.

  3. Milk the joke - this is hard to explain but it’s something Luis .C.K does really well. Watch him and observe how he tells a joke and some people laugh. He doesn’t stop there but explains the joke further making it even more absurd in the process and continues to do that until everyone in the room is dying laughing!

  4. 50/50 rule - whenever you joke remember to keep the balance between making fun of yourself and makings fun of others. Tell something funny about yourself then balance it out by telling something someone else did. It’s even better if you ask people stuff about them then make fun of that (don’t bully them but tease them). I cannot overstate how important this balance really is.

  5. Observational humor - this is the best tool in your arsenal and it’s one of those simple but hard things to learn. It’s pretty much boils down to:” see things and make fun of them” but be a clever as you can about it. A lot of things in the world doesn’t really make sense so even questioning something can turn out really funny. Practice it and eventually you will get better at it!

  6. Be a sarcastic asshole - this one is pretty self explanatory but it works wonders as long as you balance it out with self deprecation and observational humor.

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And this is about it guys. If there are any questions I will gladly answer them in the comments. Take care and stay hungry!