Something I don’t see discussed often that I’m curious to hear about is your dealings with your in laws/SOs family.

My fiancés family is… rough. To say the least. they are horribly toxic and the only way I can describe them is that they’re all narcissists. Literally all of them. Her mom. Dad. Grandparents. Everyone but her two brothers. One of her brothers is my age (27) the other is 15 and still lives with her mom.

Her dad basically disowned her because I’m not catholic. Her mom manipulates and guilt trips her if she goes more than a week without seeing her (we are 2 hours away). Her grandparents play favorites with her and her siblings for their own validation.

Her whole family lives in the past and the only thing they ever want to talk about is what she was like in high school and how “she was a bad baby”. It’s disgusting behavior and they’re just a trashy family all around.

Now I’d never tell her to cut them off. Not only is that just not something I’d do, but her little brother is just a kid and lives with her emotionally abusive mother so we have to stay somewhat close with them so we can keep tabs on her little bro and make sure he’s doing ok. The kid has to eat McDonald’s nearly every day because the mom is out on dates or is in bed depressed because her latest fling didn’t work out and she just Door dashes it for him.

So I’m in a bit of a tough spot. My fiancé knows how her family is and is fully aware of it. Yet we continue to be forced to spend half our weekends with them because they guilt her and she is easily guilted by them. Almost never has there been a time we were with her family and she didn’t come away from it upset and feeling like shit due to their behavior.

I’m at the point where I know SOMETHING needs to be done about how much time we spend with them and setting boundaries about the things they feel are ok to say to her but I’m not exactly sure what to do. I’m the fiancé so it’s not exactly my place to get involved but I’m also tired of hearing their bullshit when I’m around.

So I’m curious. Those of you who deal with toxic in laws, how do you do it? How do you set boundaries or get your SO to set the boundaries? Like I said it’s a somewhat tough spot because I want to make sure her little brother is good since he’s just a kid but I’m tired of them draining her and us of our time and energy and fucking with her head. It’s a weird boundary.