From personal experience making your plans clear instead of asking grants you more success

Responsible_Success · 2018-06-14T09:44:36+00:00

The term you're looking for is Assertive.

TheBigHorse420 · 2018-06-14T10:28:51+00:00

uhh be careful there ol chap

You did very good in the beggining amused mastery and u told her ( so 7pm? )

but then you went all weak later on..

The way u ask questions is blue pill

Dont ask if she prefers day or night or when shes free...

You totally got ghosted for a week just because you where 'unsure' women dont make decisions the chief does.

it_takes_the_redpill · 2018-06-14T16:39:47+00:00

I'll throw some advice your way after having done this shit for 4 years straight:

Being more assertive is absolutely the right call. This doesn't mean you can't ask her for information on which day to do something, it just means you need to do the asking in the right way, and recognize when you need to make a decision.

This is different depending on how you meet the girl, and where you are at. Some people advocate telling them "I'm doing X at 7, be there." type assertiveness. In my opinion this works best with girls you have already plated. This is especially useful if you already know they'll be free on that day.

But if it's a girl you aren't very familiar with, say because you met online, or just don't know them well yet, then I take a slightly less assertive approach at first. Slightly less.

Instead of asking if she's free for a date sometime this week, I'll ask her either when or what days is she free to do [insert specific activity].

There's multiple reasons for this. Put yourself in her shoes. She sees you asking her to commit her precious time to you for a date, some ambiguous thing. You haven't told her what it is, thus on some level she is worried that she will agree and then you will say "great, we're going tough mudding. Bring another pair of undies in case you shit yourself."

Asking her about a specific thing removes that element of concern.

Next, asking her if is weak because it invites/encourages the easy cop out of "I'm not free". Asking when or what day makes it more demanding in the sense that you are coming in with the expectation that she is free, you just aren't sure when.

Once she answers is when you get assertive. Let's say she responds "Well, I'm free Thursday after work but I'm usually pretty tired, and Friday after 6 but before 10, a bunch of friends are seeing movie." Or maybe "weekdays after 6".

This is a much more crucial point. She has given you all the information you need to make a decision. You do not actually need more information, so at this point I would not ask "do you prefer" or "what do you think about" questions. Just pick a fucking day and tell her that's what's up. She wouldn't have said she was free otherwise, and to do anything but make the decision is putting the ball back in her court. She doesn't want that. She wants you to lead.

Another example: let's say you're in college or something, and you have a car and want to go out with her in the city. You don't know what her transportation situation is, so instead of just asserting "meet me here at 8" it is okay to ask a clarifying question such as "do you have a car?" Or "need me to pick you up?" Just remember that once you have the information, make a decision. She says "no, I don't have a car". You can say "cool, send me your address and I'll pick you up 20 minutes before 8." That's the level of assertion that much safer than "I'll pick you up 20 minutes before 8" only to have her throw it in your face with "I have a car I can get there myself" or some such.

Essentially, this: First, if you need to ask for additional information, that's okay, but try to get it in the most assertive way you can with the least amount of back and forth. Women hate having to try to figure out the logistics for you. Second, if she puts you in a position where a decision can be made or needs to be made, try not to waffle about it or ask her what she thinks of your decision. You either have enough information or you don't. You either make a decision or you ask for the exact information you need to make it.

Devils_Duke · 2018-06-14T10:01:50+00:00

While I do agree that it's better to just tell her a time and place, I don't necessarily think that's why she ghosted you for a week. There are a million reasons why she might have done that. A family member might have died. As I said, although you are right with this particular conclusion, don't get into the habit of drawing conclusions based on a sample size of 1. Sometimes you come across an anomaly. Occasionally you'll sleep with a girl who wants you to slap her and spit on her. That doesn't mean all girls want to be slapped and spat on. See what I mean? Not trying to shit on your post; just what I was thinking as I read it.

shneakypete · 2018-06-14T09:59:26+00:00

Don't ask them how their week is looking and if they have a free day for you. Just say "come to the arcade bar Thursday night at 7pm with me."

The reason you do that is because it makes you look assertive but at the same time it flips the question. The question is "do you want to go to the event?" If she wants to go it makes you look assertive. If she doesn't want to go then she is saying no to an event instead of saying no to you.

cpk8080 · 2018-06-14T15:42:34+00:00

Yah man, I completely agree with you. Just yesterday I told a girl I just met a couple weeks ago "lets go hiking this weekend". There was about a 15 min pause but she agreed. I actually had to erase the question I first wrote up after remember what I had read about being assertive.

friendandadvisor · 2018-06-14T16:16:45+00:00

"Well I had class on Friday, and if you think about it I always had class." It was so vague I was almost offended.

Vague?? It was a joke, dipshit!

GlennBeckAmerica · 2018-06-16T19:57:04+00:00

Dude u sound so much like me in that when youre on point, the girls come to you. But when im "off" which is a lot of the time, im a nobody. All the girls ive banged, and i dont say this proudly, have gone way out of their way to make it happen. When its good its good right lol. I know if lift and get right physically il be consistently "on". Good post.

MattyAnon · 2018-06-14T17:29:45+00:00

So what I'm getting from my convo is that my indecision literally made her ghost me for a week even if she did like me.

Stop asking questions in your texts!

"Got a free day?" / "Tomorrow at 7?" / etc

Newish girl: "I'm going out to this awesome bar on Friday, come along" [withhold time and location so you can use to verify interest later]

FWB: "Meet me tomorrow at 7".

Me: Sheesh I thought I said something. Tomorrow 5:30 @ mall? It's downtown so you'll probably be home late

Don't ever be worried you said the wrong thing, this is putting her in charge. She ghosts, you ghost harder. You have a full life remember.

Don't ask questions!

And avoid "probably". More like "it's downtown, there will be mischief, you'll be home late".

Fyrjefe · 2018-06-14T20:06:52+00:00

That's a good start, brother. I know from experience that that plugged-in mentality generates one of those wishy-washy responses: "so, uh, maybe this time might be good for you?" That sort of thing has pissed off even my close friends in the past. So, I think your conclusion is on the right track. Get a figure on when she's free, propose the time and place, then wait for her to give you a thumbs up or thumbs down. Part of abundance mentality is not being afraid that she will give you a completely different time and place. And even then, you have the right to rebut and create a counteroffer if you don't like the place. Don't sacrifice. As you said, if she likes you she won't care where you take her.

110101010101011 · 2018-06-14T22:09:55+00:00

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manwithoutwire · 2018-06-14T22:35:13+00:00

I'm always assertive, but I have a 95% flake rate. Low interest on their part. Girls truly interested will make the time, it's not a huge difference in how you word it.

RedPill115 · 2018-06-15T01:57:18+00:00

I think you're right and you figured it out.

Men lead, women follow.

With another lead, you both have a direction you want to go in. You can discuss back and forth how to get there and it's interesting and useful in figuring out - how to get there.

With women they're following, so all that mental energy is being put into trying to anticipate what leads are good and what they're going to do. Asking her what her schedule like is asking her to shift gears into a "I have things planned out" lead position, whereas saying "We're going to aracade bar on friday" leaves her comfortably in her "how do my feelings react to this" follow position. In this analogy other leads include her job, her classes, her female friends, etc. She's just trying to figure out who she should be following to maximize her enjoyment of her time. This is why you see girls say seemingly bizarre things like "I can't go on Friday but I can go on Saturday". Her brain goes "I have to follow my job Lead on Friday, but I want to follow this so Saturday is free" while you're sitting there thinking "We had to figure schedules out to find time for 4 people all to go, and you think everyone can just change to a different day for your convenience?". It's just how they think. The more experienced girls figure out a better way to put it, or will try to get you to offer a different day so they don't come across as demanding, but their brain is still processing on a "What lead should I follow on what day to maximize my return" level.

When you talk to your guy friends, you're 2 leads discussion the details of how to make something happen. It's useful for you. When you talk to a girl you're a lead talking to a follow, trying to discuss details is annoying to her because she's putting all her energy into thinking about if she wants to follow you or not.

lifestuff69 · 2018-06-15T05:07:27+00:00

First half FR, second half belongs on AskTRP.

Since it has already been posted: tell her where and when. Don't ask. As another comment said, be assertive and confident.

abudun79 · 2018-06-15T05:31:54+00:00

At first: Happy for you, if you make progress like that. There are some positive signs in there. Keep it up and keep improving.

But what I read there is not telling her your plans. You're asking her concrete questions and hope she says yes. It worked, but this is far from leading, far from outcome independence, far from beeing assetive and far from telling her your plans. Instead of asking if she would like to go out one time soon, you ask her if she wants to go to xyz tomorrow at 7. You're still literally asking her.

KyfhoMyoba · 2018-06-17T17:19:28+00:00

You're asking. You need to *tell her (what you're doing)

Women talk, men do. Demonstrate, don't explicate. Acta, non verba.

Start to frame your interactions with her in terms of statements, not questions.

CoffeeIsForZipper · 2018-06-17T22:43:00+00:00

Women want someone who leads rather than someone who asks to be led? Who knew.

In all seriousness, glad you learned your lesson, but have some self respect and stop talking to women who don’t get back to you for a week.

voyager14 · 2018-06-18T06:40:17+00:00

Critique one of my recent invitations?

“I was thinking of checking out ____ next week, would you be interested in that?”

Looking back, asking for her interest may have been a goof, but she said yes so no worries.

What do you guys think?

GrandmasterHurricane · 2018-06-15T03:10:01+00:00

Where did u mention fucmig this chick? I dont see it.

Prison4SideofBeef · 2018-06-14T20:00:37+00:00

Arcade bars are lame and make women dry, that's why she ghosted you

Title	From personal experience making your plans clear instead of asking grants you more success
Author	isjesusreal
Upvotes	44
Comments	30
Date	June 14, 2018 9:36 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/8r0ie7/from_personal_experience_making_your_plans_clear/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/from-personal-experience-making-your-plans-clear.50826 https://theredarchive.com/post/50826

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