How to create an interesting conversation out of nothing?

The_Question_After · 2015-03-10T10:06:22+00:00

It sounds to me that you are trying to alienate yourself from the type of person that holds casual vapid conversations, while attempting to emulate those types conversations. If you attempted to talk to me, I would instinctively know that you "had an agenda" and were acting "fake as fuck". The problem is that you are thinking too much about your actions, the words, and too little about your intentions, your thoughts.

The root cause of this problem is that you don't understand what conversations are. Yes, they are used to exchange quantative data such as age, name, and place of birth using words, but they are also the best way of understanding mental state through intention. What you see as a vapid conversation between two people, others see as a pure exchange of mental state. Mental state and stability determine whether the person is someone who is interesting, confident, and trustworthy. This is important, because any relationship requires a level of trust, and you cant trust someone that is "fake as fuck".

What you need to do here is assume that when you speak, the other party knows your intentions, because they do. If the other party likes your intentions, they will in turn let you know their intentions. This is conversation at its most basic level. It will take you time to be honest about who you are to others, but when you do you should be able to have conversations with people if they like your intention.

Now women. Flirting is a bit different. Flirting is knowingly saying that you want to fuck using your intentions, and saying anything else with your words. The key part here is acknowleding the intention mode of communication so that the other person knows that if they are capable of responding using intentions you will understand and be able to communicate. The words barely matter, but here is a rough example.

Matt is about to check in to a hotel when he sees that the receptionist is his type.

Matt: hey, how's it going? I'm here to check in.

Receptionist: Great. What's your name?

Matt: Matt Smith

Receptionist: okay, one second please.

After the check in ritual, you want to start the intention conversation.

--initiate topic --

Matt: the weather here is incredible. Nightlife must be big around here.

If she asks a question, its a shit test. if she talks about the weather she isn't interested. if she talks about nightlife she is comfortable with your conversation flow and flirting can begin. If she isn't interested, you are out of luck. If she shit tests, answer and and bring her back to nightlife. This is when you test her to see if she meets your qualifications.

Matt: a girl like you wouldn't know where to go to have some fun tonight would she?

Its her turn to answer the shit test, bring her around to give you place to go or suggest a place and ask her for her opinion on it. The point here is to find a place for the date and see if she is worth your time.

Matt: that actually sounds like fun, who would have thought? (The ending is again a shit test)

By this point, you get your key card and are done with officially checking in. Simply ask when she is available and when you can take her out.

Matt: you look like you need a day out, and I need a guide. Do they let you of work?

Receptionist: Blah blah 7pm

Matt: great, I'll meet you here then.

Analyze the difference between intention and words

RedPope · 2015-03-10T10:32:43+00:00

I'm not going to offer you any specific tips. Honestly, I don't think you've figured out what you want yet. Who do you want to be?

I will make two general points:

POINT #1

I am the type of guy that is only approached when people need me...

Just like everyone else. Alpha, Beta, male, female, celebrity, or bum. Doesn't matter. No one approaches someone unless they want something from them.

It is your responsibility to have something to offer. You have tech knowledge? People will come for you for tech help. If that isn't what you want, offer something else. Develop and demonstrate the traits that will attract the sort of attention you truly desire.

POINT #2

Consciously eliminate statements like "I am not the type of guy..." Those beliefs are toxic. You seriously wrote: I'm not the type of guy to have fun with. Really? You actually believe that? No one has ever had fun with you? Not only is that absurd, it is poisonous.

Click on my post history. Read what I wrote on March 5th. You choose who you are.

Varrian · 2015-03-10T08:49:08+00:00

To talk about interesting things, you need to do interesting things. If you sit behind a desk all day (I'm in IT so this is my life) then do things in your spare time. Take up a martial art, go skydiving or rafting or even camping.

You've placed yourself inside this box of "I can't do that". If you want to change then do it; put in the time and effort and do it. No excuses, no procrastination. Get off your ass and go.

lucillerawls · 2015-03-10T08:39:52+00:00

Most of the convos you speak of are loaded with responses like " I know!" " I remember when I experienced that..." & "I thought I was the only one."

I know cause I shovel that b.s. around like it's snow just to make the other person think I'm interested in what they're saying. A lot of it is sharing similar experiences and both party shares their lengthy story and the other party responds with theirs while tossing in laughter, banter, and whatever else is on topic.

It's usually women that entertain this mind numbing dialogue and while it's great at getting you in the friend zone it's horrible at getting you out

R1fle · 2015-03-10T15:45:54+00:00

This isn't so much for approaching but more-so after you've gotten a girl to hang out with you. One thing I learned from dating, at the end of the day it doesn't matter how little in common you have with a girl if you flirt, or talk about sex in a playful way it will always be way more interesting to her than any other subject. Just don't get into the habit of ONLY talking about sex. The second the conversation starts to turn to shit just look her in the eyes and ask her what she looks for in a guy, or what her type is, how long it's been since she had sex (who cares, but she will likely giggle and think about how much truth she should reveal, you're being forward, etc.). She doesn't have to answer, and you can always go back to talking about tv, movies, music, and all that other boring generic shit that NO ONE cares about (not just nerds).

Conversations with a girl you are interested in should be like 80% physical. That doesn't mean touch her 80% of the time, it just means speak with your body. It'll have her talking forever more than some dude who says the perfect words but doesn't convey himself properly physically. When you have a conversation with a girl literally stretch right infront of her. Grab her hand and just hold it and talk about League of Legends - but do it with confidence and passion. If she pulls her hand away continue doing literally the exact same thing you were about to do just without her hand being held (hold frame).

Get right in her face and tell her you love how fucking green the grass is today and just kiss her. If she backs away and scoffs just hold your damn fucking frame. Eventually, after enough times of you holding frame after a light rejection, she won't move back. She'll stay put and let you do what you want to her.

This is how the majority of my convos with plates go anyways. I'm pretty damn nerdy but it doesn't matter if you just project confidence.

As dumb as it sounds. Pick up some interesting hobbies that will improve your chances of getting laid. Learn a couple god-tier meals you can cook at your place. Learn how to mix some good tasting drinks (mixology is a thing) and keep alcohol at your place, regardless of whether you hate drinking it. Create a proper playlist that both you and a plate will enjoy and play it the second you bring a girl home. Know your city inside and out. Know where you can take girls, have routes planned out (shuffle a plate from one venue to the next to keep things interesting - family/friends will spend 3+ hours at a single place, dates shouldn't be more than 2 hours TOPS in a single spot (unless its one of your beds)), it only helps you maintain your confidence if you feel at home everywhere you are.

You can be really engaging with a girl right off the bat if you're in that sort of scenario (club/bar). I can't give much advice for day-game approaching since I hardly do it with how convenient online dating is. There is shit tons of advice all over this sub and /r/sed. Remember no matter what you do, be in it to win it. Don't half-ass an approach or a date. If you don't have the energy to give 100% just take a break or do something else to take your mind off it.

OKJaded · 2015-03-10T17:21:22+00:00

So I am not the type of guy to hang out with, to have fun with, have a beer (don't like beers), etc.

So dont start sentences with so

or

Don't start sentences with so

Feel the change?

While it's personal preference to not like beer, it's a quick way to socially isolate yourself. I love the alcohol but when on a meal plan cut it out completely. This means I could go months without a drink. I still go out to bars, I just grab a diet soda. When I hear someone say "I don't like beer" my brain makes the quick judgement that they don't drink and lack the social skill to navigate this fact well. Alcohol is such huge part of our society that if you choose to abstain you need to be able to do so in a tactful manner.

oldredder · 2015-03-10T10:15:11+00:00

It's called acting. Pretend you're dumb enough not to notice some things are inane and do what you can to feign interest or direct conversation to the limit of what intellect they can handle.

Or... make sure you can direct the women away from conversation as soon as possible, with real established interest in sex, so they stop talking.

A smarter person can not and should not tolerate stupidity. You just have to decide what sacrifices you're willing to make.

Also hookers only care about being paid by the hour, they don't try to make conversation with you about their stupid interests before sucking your dick.

GuitarHero07 · 2015-03-10T15:55:17+00:00

COther posters have provided solid advice and you should certainly listen to what u\RedPope and others have to say. But here is a specific tip: don't be afraid to get personal. Ulitmately that's what people want. They don't want to BS about the weather. They want to talk about the things that interest them.

Of course it will be your job to get them to open up. With most people you can find something interesting about them. There is something you must be curious about. Ask about it in a polite and genuinely interested way. Make strong eye contact to indicate your interest. If they are interested in talking, they will tell you about and also give you other bits of information that indicate other interests.

For example, just yesterday I saw a fairly attractive nurse at the hospital where I work. I noticed that she has a hell of an ass. She also has very toned arms and rather built shoulders. I guessed she must be a crossfitter. I opened with: "You must do crossfit." I complimented her on how toned her arms were.

What followed was a long talk about crossfit. I was genuinely interested because crossfit is a pretty great activity to get in shape (I personally don't do it because the risk of injuries is too high IMHO). I asked about the various lifts. "Don't you find flinging a bar over your head dangerous?" "Can you do muscle ups?" etc.

At one point she mentioned running with her dog. I asked what kind of dog. She has a husky. Of course, she was more than happy to tell me about her dog. Then she busted out her phone (unsolicited) and started showing me pictures. I wasn't even trying to hit on her because I have a pretty solid LTR right now.

The bottom line: you need to get people to open up about their interests, their family, their aspirations and their experiences. Most people are more than willing to share this info of you seem genuinely interested. When they drop small hints, seize upon them and get them to open up more. This of course this does not only apply to women. In fact, getting random strangers to open up to you is excellent practice. It can even come in handy in business and even CIA operatives use similar tactics to extract information from unsuspecting people.

the99percent1 · 2015-03-10T10:33:52+00:00

Ask an open ended question, let them ramble on. STFU, and drink your beer, occasionally chip in but sole purpose is to keep them talking.

Convo really isn't necessary in getting a girl interested in you. As a man, it isn't your duty to start or even keep a conversation going. It's hers! Sit back and enjoy the moment, even if it's awkward silence. Nothing gets a girl talking faster than you sitting aloof, embracing the awkwardness of silence and just acting cool about it.

Btw, flip the pressure onto her. If the silence is way too long, maintain eye contact and raise your eye-brows in a 'so are you going to talk or just sit there like a dumbfuck'. Do this without uttering a single word. It puts huge pressure on the girl to open up.

Also, convo for convo sake is a waste of time. You need to be escalating, move in closer, isolate her from the group (if it's a group setting), touch her. Pretty soon after that, there wont be much conversation as those lips will be too busy taking in lots of moist if you know what I mean.

That's just the basics. With time and experience, you'll get better at this.

stickfiguresk · 2015-03-10T11:05:07+00:00

Practice Active Listening and develope relatable funny/interesting stories you can tie in to conversation.

A long, nine year old story about me getting an erection while getting an ultrasound(hernia) got me laid last week. I told it to three girls. Two thought it was hilarious while one looked clearly aroused.

Hennez · 2015-03-10T13:57:14+00:00

I had the same problem. You see, the thing is that people enjoy it because that way we can let go of many other things that are always worrying us.

For example: last week I went out with some friends and a couple of girls, we went to a bar, talked to the girls and always kept it fun. The thing is you've got to balance your life. You can have your friends with whom you speak of the things that you really like and you can have some other friends with whom you just relax and talk all the shit you can think of while also having fun.

Don't make things harder than they really are. All the knowledge in the world will make you miserable if you lack the ability to connect with people and enjoy yourself doing it because we are social animals.

A fun conversation is not about what you talk about, it's about how the people participating are feeling about it. Most people here would even be able to have a lot of fun talking about finances, for example.

Connecting with people is about your ability to quickly grasp what is that makes that person open to keep talking, not about what you like (at least at the start). And it's only obvious that it is so, after all it's you who's trying to get them opening up.

It's a game, learn to play it, practice it and you'll be enjoying it in no time.

DoctorWelch · 2015-03-10T19:21:46+00:00

You sound like a boring as fuck hipster douchebag. Who gives a fuck if the latest game or show "is not worth your time." It's called being fun, relatable, and having social skills.

Your myopic view is clouding your judgement. Yes, sports and movies can be worthless in certain contexts but extremely valuable in others. You are simply letting some misguided sense of self importance stop you from spending a small amount of time engaging with someone in a topic they are interested in.

Talking about the weather is not meaningless. Yes, who gives a fuck about the weather at its most basic of points, but that is not what the conversation is about. It is about rapport and feeling out the social situation. People are essentially getting to know the other person through sub-communication, and from what you say here you probably demonstrate that you are socially inept.

albatri · 2015-03-10T14:54:05+00:00

Instead of asking, "why can I not think of anything interesting to say?" ask yourself, "how can I become more interesting?"

[deleted] · 2015-03-10T17:50:14+00:00

Quit being such a pussy.

You want a crutch, fine here is a crutch. Relate something in the weather to something you know about, but dumb it down. For example "holy shit it's fucking raining hard out there, it's raining harder than advanced string theory for a girl."

This also has the added effect of figuring out which girls will let you rib them a bit.

I'm a musician, so I might say. "It's raining harder than rachmonninoff out there!. (crickets) don't look at me like that, he was this baddass hard ass russian dude! That's what it's raining like."

(ignore spelling)

JayViceroy · 2015-03-11T11:01:08+00:00

The problem here is you are boring. Simple as that. You have two interests and they're basically the same thing. Working and topics about your work. Pick up a hobby. You consider yourself smart, so start acting smarter. You live your life within the confines of a chipotle menu. Maybe it's time to leave the chipotle line and discover some new shit about yourself. Maybe you like rock climbing? Maybe you like hiking? Maybe you like biking? Maybe you like art walks or new museum exhibits or what the fuck ever... The point is you're boxing yourself in and alienating your own ability to diversify your life.

You don't have anything to talk about because you don't fucking do anything. Go out and do something completely random that you think you'll hate. And then do something else. And something else until you start living your life. You know the answer to your problems but you want someone to answer it and then make you actualize them. Nobody is going to do that. Get up and go outside. You're a man. Act as if.

Darkone06 · 2015-03-12T15:51:52+00:00

My go to

"What phone do you have?" "Is that the new ____ (Iphone, Samsung phone etc"

People for some reason love to talk about their phones, apps and shit.

This will at least move the conversation into a tech related direction.

I know all kinds of pointless phone shit cause of this but people have a lot of emotional connection to their phone. If you can tap into that your golden it also makes it easier to ask for a phone number when the whole conversation has been about phones.

She has an Iphone: Is that the 6 or 6 plus? Have you tried this ____ app? Depending on the girl you can get a little push/ pull if you start a android vs iphone conversation.

Has a Samsung phone: Is that the Note or S#? Stylus vs no Stylus. Have you seen the Samsung smart tvs?

HTC: What carrier are you using? Is it as cool to use as the commercial make it out to be?

Nexus / Mottorola? How do you feel about google? Cost comparison to other brands. 5+ inch screens vs smaller screens?

Each brand markets to certain types of people, the phone they use can tell you a lot about their personality and the way the consume information.

Cyralea · 2015-03-10T13:37:31+00:00

It helps if you set up a fun platform off the bat. "Crazy weather, isn't it?" is boring. You'd be lucky to get 15 minutes out of that, but experts could transition into more fun topics.

A better way to stir conversation out of nothing is to set up a fun frame. Lead with an accusation of some kind that forces a fun response. PUA's will recognize this as a type of direct opener. It engages them and gives you room to segue into other fun topics.

Examples:

Bear in mind the specific examples aren't important, only the vibe and energy you use to express it. You need a vibrant frame to pull these off.

1) "You look like the type of person who gets drunk every night. Where should I go to have fun?"

2) "That scarf looks like something an axe murderer would wear. Should I be worried?"

3) "I've never hung out with such a short person before. You're not going to bite my ankles are you?"

From there you need to transition into sexual conversation. You don't want to maintain a friendship vibe for long, just the initial rapport.

ContinentalRP · 2015-03-10T11:46:53+00:00

I think you'd benefit from the powertalk post from here a while ago. I can't link it, but I see it's in the sidebar. You'll find you're as high on the hierarchy as you think you are. Cause that's how it sounds, you shouting down from the ivory tower.

keep-it-dense · 2015-03-10T13:03:47+00:00

If you cant keep a natural conversation flowing just keep asking the person questions eg:

girl: omg did you watch the kardashians last night? you: no, who are they? Girl: omg, you dont know who kim kardashian is? you: is she the one with the fat arse? Girl: yeah. You: so is that what she is famous for, just having a fat arse? if that's the case my ex would should be a superstar etc

everything that comes out of your mouth should be a question as it drives the conversation forward, women love the sound of their own voice so if you keep asking questions they can keep talking

Purecorrupt · 2015-03-10T13:54:12+00:00

I always like to ask people about what they are "doing" next or have done as it moves conversation to activities.

I read somewhere else that the precedence of conversation starts with people<events<ideas.

I would lump most television and current weather under people unless its related to an event. Example: Show canceled because it rained. Well now you can talk about the show you were going to watch or perform. Then you can talk about why its good/bad/tangent idea about that.

Problem is with a lot of things - you can't skip steps (most of the time). You don't want to talk about weather? Well you also don't know the person don't expect to start talking about philosophy with zero rapport.

thisisntjet · 2015-03-10T14:04:30+00:00

There's a few things you can do.

Just learn to enjoy inane conversations. Go out, practice being pointlessly social. I hate it too at times, but I see it as necessary to establish comfort with some people.
Do what the guys over at "Humans of NY" do. Walk up to someone, try to get them to tell you their story. Listen. Ask them about their greatest fears, what excites them, what is the most memorable moment in their life, etc. Prepare to get weird stares a lot.
Remain on reddit.

Geniisis · 2015-03-10T14:20:34+00:00

Talk about your interests. From my perspective, you will connect with them as well on shared interests. As stated earlier, have interesting hobbies that you like. I usually ask all the girls the same questions, you into art? Music? Poetry? Etc. Then, its natural, "oh yea I listen to XYZ", You: "Same here.", or wherever you feel. I generally dig deeper into their other topics like what they are studying at school or why they ended up at their job.

I'm not a sports guy in the slightest. But I have great convo with all my dates and cold approaches.

I am also a nerd. IT guy. But I have interests outside of that. I'm two different people. Who I am in fight club is not who I am in life. But when I take dates to clubs or go by myself, you would NEVER guess. I'm getting all kinds of people smiling just because I'm acting like an idiot, confidently, not caring what people think, and just enjoying myself. I have found this to be a big part of it, being comfortable with yourself first, then everything else lines up. I barely drink alcohol or smoke. But I don't have a negative attitude towards it, so my dates never feel uncomfortable while they are the only one drinking. I'm more wild sober then they are drunk!

Remember: you are her prize. Not the other way around. Judging by your post, sounds like you need to up your confidence.

After the first few dates of talking about your shared interests, you will just take it day by day. Generally, she will be in your bed by that time, but this is your prerogative. You will have penetrated her personality quicker than the other guys (those that do not understand masculine mentality), she will feel like you "get" her.

LydiaVonPuppington · 2015-03-10T20:59:04+00:00

You should look into acting or improv classes. They'll help you be able to keep a conversation going (idk about fun for you though).

The secret is most people aren't enjoying that stupid small talk, but we just keep talking until something interesting comes up. Like 5% of the actual conversation is interesting, but you'll never have that 5% if you don't get through all the bullshit first.

doctorblackisin · 2015-03-10T23:50:31+00:00

I'm a terrible conversationalist. But I'm observant enough to know when a woman I'm talking to is interested, or whether or not I'm wasting my time (whichever comes first). I'm definitely cut from the same mold as you--however, I've gotten a bit better at open ended questions, directing the conversation so that they're doing most of the talking with as little input from me as possible. But I'm also trying to put myself in situations where I can actually do these things, or being in places where I know I can talk about things. For me this is not the club, but if we're at a bar or a football game or whatever sure, I can do that kind of stuff.

cascadecombo · 2015-03-11T03:24:23+00:00

I used to be just like you.

Couldn't make smalltalk for the life of me. All I knew to talk about were games and computers, because that was all I had ever put time into. Luckily I was forced to move around as a kid so I had other experiences I could talk about, which is where I learned about where small talk comes from.

At least for what I know small talk comes from having some points of understanding between people. Shared experiences or thoughts, and then relating to other things by some asinine relation. You aren't suddenly a chatterbox, you experience things and learn and then can say more and more to the people you meet.

SgtBrutalisk · 2015-03-12T02:13:27+00:00

Try being deadpan and see how people react. Try telling a joke without any emotion and a completely straight face. Use your stiffness to your advantage.

makethemsayayy · 2015-03-10T10:44:56+00:00

How to put it...you talk about whatever's somewhat relevant in the most interesting way possible. And say it with your chest little nigga, be confident about it. but again with normal conversation, it's observations you make to yourself, but to other people. however, it's just how you would think to yourself, but to someone else. but do it so it meshes with your personality and is you.

clam61 · 2015-03-10T16:33:47+00:00

Title	How to create an interesting conversation out of nothing?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	69
Comments	57
Date	March 10, 2015 8:22 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2yjerp/how_to_create_an_interesting_conversation_out_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-to-create-an-interesting-conversation-out-of.30053 https://theredarchive.com/post/30053

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