How to Defeat Oneitis

seaguy87 · 2016-12-27T15:04:39+00:00

Let me summarise it: Oneitis is often caused by a lack of knowledge about a particular girl, and also about the nature of women in general. It is an incorrect (and often overly positive) perception about the target which usually results in 1) you being disappointed that she isn't perfect and 2) she feeling pressured/weirded out because you imposed an unrealistic, high standard of goodness and perfection on her. This is not healthy and often ends badly.

Side note: women, by and large, do not suffer from oneitis. Wonder why this is? Because they almost always have options, and so should you.

Vladz0r · 2016-12-27T16:59:25+00:00

I made myself a Oneitis.txt file and compiled it with a bunch of info from TRP posts, and some things I wrote myself.

Some useful things for (us) beginners:

Law 36: Disdain Things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best Revenge If a woman is playing hard to get, or is blatantly going silent on you, ignore her. Let her play her petty games. It won't effect you, for you know what you cannot have you shall disdain and ignore.

When you've been rejected by your Oneitis, remember The Power of Now (from Eckart Tolle):

Your life circumstances don't actually alter your happiness. This is all in the mind. While we have a natural tendency to compare women, and you may find this girl to be the best you have a shot with, or might think she's really "the one" you've all been looking for, remember that you, on a fundamental level, will not change. Avoid masking your problems with a Oneitis crush. Think of any time you ever chased happiness, and recall the impermanent high you got from it. There are some things that actually give you long-term fulfillment and improvement, but generally, if you can't accept the present and reality, you're always be seeking fulfillment in the future. You just have to do a mix of accepting the present situation and improvement, so that you can stay grounded and make a choice to change your reality from a place of high consciousness, rather than a place of anger or self-hate. Basically, have positive motivations, get over the past, and be aware that your brain is what made her your Oneitis.

Using your woman/Oneitis to cover up the emotional scars: will lead to emotional highs and huge lows upon rejection or separation. Without abundance mentality, natural tendency towards clinginess, loneliness, fear, manipulation, bending over backwards with nice guy behavior will all appear.

FOCUS ON OTHER SHIT - your life purpose, main hobbies, fitness, eating healthy, focusing on new opportunities. If she's all you're thinking about, think about other things.

She's not that special. Period. - As OP and others said, we tend to fill in the blanks ourselves and idealize women.

Idealism and Reality - You're in love with the idea of being with her, not her. You can't tell fantasy apart from reality. -- refer back to Eckart Tolle and realize that your life won't miraculously improve if you get with your crush.

Get experience, experience Reality. There was a great quote I read here, which was roughly "Let Women show you the way." They take themselves off the pedestal once you go in with a RedPill mindset and experience reality for yourself. You remember that they take shits to, and start seeing the world through the RP lens. I'm guilty of not having a lot of experience, because I've had women so high on the pedestal, but they've been coming off it quickly, save for the women who share some of my core life passions, which are giving me more of a challenge.

Ignore BluePill influences. If you think your friends are in cushy relationships by dating or marrying their "best friend" just remember that the guy is most likely getting no pussy, despite his hours of devotion, and he's in lopsided relationship, where he loves her and she treats him like a close platonic friend. People like to exaggerate how great their relationships are, but you can often see that the guy isn't that happy when he's separated from her, and sometimes when he's with her. Looking for stuff like this helps get these mindsets internalized, since you don't want to be that guy who feels dependent on a relationship. This is especially difficult if you have close friends with a BP mindset. Most people probably do, so you have to avoid talking about women with these guys, because they'll try to suck you back in to the "settling" and "finding love when it happens" and "not trying to force yourself to change so much" and all this shit. They're not saying this because they don't want what's best for you, but because they don't know the potential we have. It's simply a difference of perspective.

Cut off connection from her: Get RID of the Need for Closure. Chasing after someone who expresses a lack of interest indicates you are a low-value male with no sexual options and a lack of social acumen. When you walk away, you need to do so cleanly. Don’t rationalize to yourself that she would be a “really cool friend.” Don’t send her some long butthurt essay via text.

OP's explanations are good, and very true, but when I read similar statements in the midst of my Oneitis, I would read something like "They're turning 18 every day," and would just screaming at my computer, "BUT I WANT HERRRRRRR!" So I found some explanations that were more psychological and compelling for me and saved them for myself.

NeoreactionSafe · 2016-12-27T15:50:52+00:00

The Truth will set you free.

Oneitis is based on a mythological Blue Pill understanding of reality.

In the Blue Pill fantasy women are the center and men drop down to a knee and worship them.

The way the Red Pill works is we Enjoy the Destruction of the Blue Pill mythology and it's through this destruction that we become free of it's darkness.

Enlightenment isn't some "happy fantasy" but instead the brutal death of illusions. We "Kill the Beta" which is our false Blue Pill mythology that brought about our mindset that created Oneitis.

So what you really must do is see the crime that is the Blue Pill mythology.

The problem really isn't "you" as an animal, but the fact you were brainwashed as a child to accept the Blue Pill mythology.

We might even go to the extreme and say:

Oneitis is the lingering after effect of Blue Pill mental abuse.

...so your task is to "delete" the mental patterns associated with the myths.

Simply making yourself feel better is not changing the core misunderstanding.

You must remove the thought process that creates Oneitis at the root.

ADTank · 2016-12-27T10:26:15+00:00

I think platetheory is a good strat to defeat it

MattyAnon · 2016-12-27T14:18:12+00:00

Nah, all this self talk won't help.

What helps is primarily GETTING MORE OPTIONS.

5trooper · Tue Dec 27 13:49:26 2016 UTC

Also, she does not care, she does not give one fuck whether you live or die.

There is a reason women used to be traded for useful things like oxen or making business/kingdom marriage connections.

MacNulty · 2016-12-27T17:54:07+00:00

Emotions are fuel for humans, and "oneitis" is just a way to name emotions of love and attachment. When those feelings are handled properly and allowed to move thorugh the body without resistance and then taken and channeled away from the object that caused it (in this case a woman, but it could be anything that cause a significant spike in emotions) towards one's virtues or creative efforts, a state of flow with life emerges that feels like a connection to a higher power that rewards one with expanded awareness. There is a reason why it's called 'fallin' in love, because it often feels like a rabbit hole, where one can only become sane again (and wake up back in cansas) by giving in to the madness. Only it takes courage, the ability to self-reflect and significant mental strength.

letsgetrandy · 2016-12-27T18:20:14+00:00

The most effective way to defeat oneitis is to never stop dating (and fucking) a lot of people. As long as you know there's always another one around the corner, you'll never get too hung up on one.

Returnofthemack3 · 2016-12-28T08:42:23+00:00

I think in most cases of oneitis, the easiest way to get over her is to truly come to terms with her relative lack of feelings towards you, as in 'she doesn't fucking care'. Sure, you might be a convenient sholder to cry on from time to time, but if that's the extent of your relationship, it's safe to say that you'll never see reciprocation of any feelings you have. I dunno, obviously the best way to avoid oneitis is to have options, granted, but in the interim period, realizing what i've just outlined is a pretty potent way to get over a chick, at least in my experience.

5trooper · 2016-12-27T23:32:13+00:00

TRP theory is right when it comes to having plates and emotional detachment. Never get attached to something you can't walk away from in 15 minutes when the heat is coming. The whole oneitis can be avoided by having the right mindset from the beginning of meeting her on.

mill58 · 2016-12-27T16:00:28+00:00

I needed this information. Thanks a lot!

spencer9812 · 2016-12-27T18:25:26+00:00

I wish I read this a month ago before I start seeing this one girl.

jordanxbox1 · 2016-12-27T18:58:12+00:00

I never got why oneitis is so hard to combat, all you have to do is put a wall between you and that girl and everything becomes better.

aherne18 · 2016-12-27T21:47:04+00:00

If they're not thinking about you, you shouldn't waste your time thinking about them.

Sound point to apply not just to oneitises. The worse thing you can do in life is waste time with someone who doesn't give a shit about you. IMHO, oneitis is a consequence of multiple factors:

Scarcity! Seldom if ever one develops this disorder while having multiple options.
Idealism. Mostly a consequence of scarcity, which breeds a fake understanding on relationships and the power game that lies under.
(RARE!) Great hormonal compatibility. You have options, but she makes all other women pale by comparison .

justgotalpha · 2016-12-27T18:17:14+00:00

By simply thinking of overcoming oneitis let me tell you,you WONT you gotta have other plates and more options and TRUST ME you wont feel attached to a particular women,i remember getting attached to a women because i was lucky to have a women "interested" in me,than things changed i found TRP, started lifting and grooming myself and boom i was spinning 4 girls at a time and even by spending most of my time with one in particular i dint get attach,WHY?because having options naturally gives you that abundance mentality that is talked so much here on TRP

Honestsalesman34 · 2016-12-27T18:04:58+00:00

only problem is I just gotta walk up to other women and strike a convo

[deleted] · 2016-12-28T16:03:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Martymcfly321 · 2016-12-27T20:40:45+00:00

This might sound stupid, but using an old Oneitis, constantly reminding yourself of them, stops you from getting a new one. Don't speak to the old one, and meet new girls, but never forget.

Title	How to Defeat Oneitis
Author	CaptainCringeworthy
Upvotes	150
Comments	39
Date	December 27, 2016 10:18 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5kj32f/how_to_defeat_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-to-defeat-oneitis.65765 https://theredarchive.com/post/65765

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