I don't think I am missing much

Beardsman2 · 2014-05-12T12:28:05+00:00

Sounds like you are at the beginning of a very long, amazingly rewarding journey. ALL of your problems are fixable. Not easily but with hard work, and by setting step by step goals. Bro, you're only 20, your whole life is in front of you.

I think you know what you're missing out on. You are missing out of relationships. We are social animals, we crave socializing, companionship, intimacy and physical touch. Don't deny your own biology or you'll be as unhappy as a feminist.

2014-05-12T14:12:07+00:00

I can't offer the "answer" but I can make a few comments

Getting into the top 20% of men isn't THAT hard, you'd be surprised how little the vast majority of men work on being attractive (or even KNOW what's attractive). Knowing is half the the battle, and that means you're already top 50% for knowing. Work on the social anxiety and the fitness, and you'll be top 20% for sure.

Think about it, if the social anxiety is all that's holding you back, then fixing that one problem will net you positive results.

On the rotator cuff thing. Try and get someone to take a look at it. A doctor, look online for some rotator cuff injury recovery exercises (things like face pulls) and take up something like swimming if you want low stress exercise.

You can find a solution to any of your problems, just get a little creative and don't lose hope. There's a difference between MGTOW and just giving up.

SpongeCroft · 2014-05-12T14:53:44+00:00

Do you have "regular" friends? Not female friends, but some to have a drink with from time to time and talk to when needed? Much more needed than any bitch in the world, doesn't matter if you're 20 or 50.

FLFTW16 · 2014-05-12T15:10:06+00:00

I didn't start to figure my shit out until I was 27. Everyone starts and finishes their journey in their own time. No use fretting over the timing or the level of difficulty you have. Manhood is a long road and you walk it alone.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-05-12T15:27:05+00:00

Remember this: Your sexual market value (SMV) is, right now, the lowst it will EVER be until you reach your 80's. Think about it- the only direction you have to go is up, up, up for the next 60+ years. What you do NOW determines how high that SMV will go.

You are in college so check that off. Just keep improving and do a little bit better every day. In a few years you will not be able to fight them off with a stick. Seriously.

On your social anxiety. This is pretty easy to fix with therapy, practice, and a variety of meds. Go to your campus counseling center for a medical referral or see your family doctor for one.

On your rotator cuffs. This is the hardest problem for you to fix. See a personal trainer a couple times- it will only cost you about $20.00 an hour or so. There are PLENTY of lifting exercises that will not aggravate the rotator cuff. Just like the social anxiety: Do what you can. Practice every day. Avoid what causes serious, long-term pain.

Congratulations on starting your journey. You don't have to be awesome. You don't have to be perfect. You don't even have to be good. Just improve a little bit every day. Baby steps. Slowly- but inexorably.

johnnight · 2014-05-12T15:07:37+00:00

5 foot 6 at 130 lbs

Not enough. r/gainit . Even getting fat would be better than having a weight lower than an average woman. There are two sides to being big:

can you move other people,
can other people throw you around.

While being fat does not help with 1., it sure as hell prevents 2. If you look like the average woman can throw you around, you do not qualify for the masculine league.

SLUDGEBORG · 2014-05-12T12:27:13+00:00

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everyone_wins · 2014-05-12T13:47:04+00:00

Do you watch porn? If so, stop watching porn. I'm 29 and I used to have mild to moderate social anxiety. I was able to push past it and get laid. I recently went on a path of purging myself of addictions. I quit smoking and watching porn. It made a huge difference in my life. I can basically approach at will, with a negligible amount of anxiety.

My advice is to start exercising, eat a balanced diet, and stop watching porn. I think you'll be amazed at how much easier life gets for you if you do these things.

jsl2837 · 2014-05-12T15:50:15+00:00

[deleted]

What is this?

DanReggins · 2014-05-12T16:04:20+00:00

The thing is, every time I try to work out and get bigger, my rotator cuffs get injured.

http://muscleevo.net/save-your-shoulders/

spikeminor · 2014-05-12T16:14:24+00:00

Hey there, I will be going to Uni in my sophomore year. I am around your size and age, and I assure you it is worth the pain if you are spending time in working out. I also have problem with my joints, My knee joints hurt like hell due to patella tendonitis and my right hand wrists hurts after a minor accident. I am not big but I am ripped and have a low body fat percentage and it is really hard for me to gain weight but I am trying to eat more . If you workout properly,you will see the results. I am into bar and calisthenics, this will increase your strength really well. What I found with body building is it is just based on aesthetics, you are not really stronger, you just look big. The reason I like calisthenics it looks great. (but then again aesthetics is a big deal in attracting women)

I had social anxiety but I tackled it by going out of my comfort zone. I intentionally went out side with my hair messed up and shit clothes. I let people look at me and make their judgement. I also started doing retarded shit in public to let people make fun of me. One of which is Bernie leaning in seven 11s cause I simply didn't give a fuck. So I slowly came over my social anxiety and learned not to give a fuck. You have it cause you just care what others will think of you when you speak or what you do. I suggest do something out of your character everyday and build it up

Me being retarded in here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFK0C4jKr2g

2014-05-12T18:10:57+00:00

If you truly want to overcome any of your issues, you can. Your issues AREN'T SHIT compared to what other people overcome in pursuit of their dreams. You are 20 and you cannot see around the next year or so, and you think "Well, there is no hope of me fixing all shit this QUICKLY, and I want to know if I can get results as I am. No? Well, then FUCK IT." That is your mentality because you likely do not have reference experiences of you overcoming challenges.

Anxiety? Depression? Stress? Hit it from many levels. Get a doctor's opinion, get a psychiatrist / therapists opinion, and hit the problem with a testosterone-promoting diet, exercise, and sleep schedule. Get your B vitamins and fish oil, that has helped some people, and take cold showers, wake up at dawn, and drink a shit ton of water. Gangbang the problem and ultimately work on getting off meds IF that is a possibility given your medical situation. Accept that it will take months, maybe years of tinkering to optimize and get to it right now.

Social incompetence / game issues / approach anxiety? Gangbang the problem, fuck it from each end. Accept that it will take a long time to power-level the skills you didn't develop throughout your childhood and adolescent phase, and place yourself in situations for rapid improvement. For example at your job, be the guy who knows everyone in the company and practice the art of networking. And work on expanding your male friend circle. AND work on expanding your female friend circle. AND work on daygame approaches. AND hit the bars/clubs/college parties 2 times a week. AND collect a shit ton of numbers to do day 2s on.

Want to elevate your SMV? Same thing, run that train. Hit every aspect of SMV - work out, plan out your career, set yourself up with a phat internship that has a high ROI / good chance of a guaranteed job after graduation (which massively elevates you in status when you are 23 and all your competition is unemployed hipsters working at Starbucks). Assemble a better ward-drobe and practice perfect posture (both of which increase social confidence massively for noobies, which would likely help with the anxiety).

It is hard, but what else would you do with the time? Yeah, maybe on your first pull you will tweak out due to your anxiety and do the most embarassing thing possible, like jizz in your pants and have her laugh at you. But guess what? THAT IS STILL FARTHER THAN JACKING IT TO INTERNET PORN, CLAP YOURSELF ON THE BACK AND TRY AGAIN.

In fact, even going to the damn club and doing 3 approaches and going the fuck home is better than sitting at home jerking off. Just accept that you're going to suck ass at sex sometimes, you're going to do embarassing shit sometimes, you're going to lose hot girls to your anxiety issues from time to time, and it is going to suck, but ultimately still much, much more lucrative than jacking it all day wishing it would happen.

monsieurhire2 · 2014-05-12T15:54:17+00:00

First of all, you don't NEED sex. It's a desire, a want, a longing, etc., but you won't die if you don't have it. Also, bad sex isn't even as good as masturbation, plus you get the added risks of unwanted pregancy and or venereal disease.

Second of all, conquer your anxiety issues WITHOUT medication. It can be done. I'm not saying don't do psychotherapy, although I think you could do it without it, but as soon as people start suggesting meds, you're on dangerous ground. And I'm speaking from personal experience. The thing with meds is, they disrupt your biological equilibrium, and then the med administrators will want to charge you $$$ for the drugs, but also to draw your blood to check how your body is reacting . . . FOR YEARS! Does this sound like fun? It's not.

I recommend learning to meditate. You can go to a Vipassana center for free for a 10 days and they pay for your meals and housing.

Hormander · 2014-05-12T13:32:16+00:00

Try cognitive and behavioral therapies (CBT). They're short and very effective. In 6 months, you can be cured. Good luck.

fruit7 · 2014-05-12T14:39:33+00:00

Regarding the success of the top percent: This is the case with everything though. Think about work. The top ten percent of the programmers are the best paid and often the hardest working guys in the shop. The top ten percent of artists are producing more and better work than all the rest combined. It's always the case that the best people rake it in. In life you can find an arena where you can be in that top percent, make peace with your mediocrity, or rage about it. There are no other choices.

Regarding your anxiety. Sorry about that, sounds like you got a raw deal, genetically. Neuroticism can be a tough cross to bear but it has its benefits (anxiety is a powerful motivator for one) as well as its negatives. The brain is somewhat malleable however and many can successfully tone down anxiety through conscious effort, if you work hard and consistently. Good luck.

2014-05-12T18:00:34+00:00

about your rotator cuffs: go to an orthopedic surgeon. they will run diagnostics and take an Xray, and they will give you a specific plan for physical therapy. follow the therapy religiously!

you probably need to strengthen your rotator cuffs before you can work on your larger muscle groups. i had to do that when i was training for rock climbing back in the day because i sprained my rotator cuffs when my large muscle groups became overdeveloped. now, rotator cuff strengthening and stretching is an essential part of my fitness regime because i know that i will sprain them again if i don't take care of them. rotator cuff injuries are very common, and it's not difficult to prevent them.

it's possible that you have cysts or bone spurs in your shoulder joints, and you will need medical imaging to be sure. go to an orthopedic doctor, and follow their instructions like you mean it.

2014-05-12T18:37:40+00:00

I had pretty bad SA growing up (started with massive bullying in Junior High). I used to go see a therapist every week, was hospitalized at a mental hospital once for self harm, was on every antidepressant you can name (zoloft, abilify, buspar, wellbutrin, effexor, etc.), self medicated with alchohol and hard drugs for years...the whole shabang. Still do the alcohol thing unfortunately but much less.

Anyway eventually I made some friends through this site which I'm sure you are familiar with:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/

And started hanging out with those guys every week bar hopping and what not. Then after knowing and reading about pickup for 2 years I finally decided to take action in December of last year. Since then I've had some dates, 1 pull and a couple make outs. I sarge most days a week now. I have approach anxiety under control for the most part and my conversation skills have improved vastly.

But not gonna lie, it's hard. Way harder for someone coming from a SA and depression background than others coming with a clean slate. But it doesn't matter does it. You are dealt the cards you're dealt and you have 2 options:

Bitch, complain and die miserable
Do the best with what you got and conquer your fears and achieve your goals

Don't know about you but I opt for the latter.

The only thing I will tell you is that you can't use your mind to fix itself. Your mind is broken, you can't use a broken instrument to fix itself. Right now you are rationalizing, but you know nothing about getting women, socializing, etc. So how are you qualified to know what decisions to make in this regard? This was one o the hardest things for me to do when I took the plunge and started going out. I could have never done it without this realization. You have to stop thinking you know what's best for you and just do what others who have gone before you have done. Have trust in the process and suspend your own thinking for a bit. It's your current thinking that brought you to where you are now, you aren't getting anything different thinking the same way.

Ovadox · 2014-05-12T18:42:54+00:00

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redeleven · 2014-05-12T18:57:58+00:00

You should watch this video from Jesse of Simple Pickup about his journey from SA-sufferer to youtube PUA: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iGk87bug2s

In fact, you're going to find that some of the most accomplished PUA's started as "hard-case" losers. When you think about it, it makes sense: they are worse off than an average guy and can have greater motivation/need to research and practice how to get women.

Here's Owen from Real Social Dynamics talking about his early battles with Social Anxiety and Depression: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OVZ9xk1B-o

It's just like, if this is how women truly are and 20% of the men are getting 80% of the sex, what am I truly missing out on?

I think you know exactly what you're missing out on. Actually, I know you do, you said it yourself:

I want to be that guy who attracts and gets along with women.

You got to watch out for the Sour Grapes rationalization:

In an old fable by Aesop, a hungry fox noticed a bunch of juicy grapes hanging from a vine. After several failed attempts to reach the grapes, the fox gave up and insisted that he didn't want them anyway because they were probably sour.

Nowadays when somebody expresses sour grapes, it means that they put down something simply because they can't have it.

"Women are just bitches/whores/gold diggers/hypergamous opportunists. I didn't really want them anyway."

beginner_ · 2014-05-12T18:59:13+00:00

Your hamstering. You want us to give you a reason or validation not to put any effort into improving yourself. You are missing much and the fact your are thinking about it and posting about it tells me you actually know that.

Forget about sex and women. Focus on yourself and the rest will follow. An important lesson I had to and still am learning is to be more positive. Self improvement is about improving yourself, obviously. What matters is the improvement and not the absolute position in the hierarchy where you currently are. Compare how you where weeks, month and years ago. Did you improve?

The lower you start the longer it will take but also the bigger and more rewarding it can be. Be proud of your improvements and achievements. I myself suffer from social anxiety but completed my studies and have never been employed. It mostly impacted my social life. Most people would chicken out of situations they fear so badly. Be proud that you are sill going to college.

About getting pictures rated on the internet. Don't buy too much into it. Ratings can hugely differ between good and bad pictures. Also I would guess with social anxiety you don't look very relaxed in pics. Women can spot that kind of stuff. meaning if you improve those ratings can go up considerably.

Second of all, conquer your anxiety issues WITHOUT medication.

I'm not sure about that. I agree to not take a benzo, ie. something like xanax. All you learn with these is to pop a pill. However trying an SSRI or other medication targeted at social anxiety might be worth a try. I've been going to therapy for 1.5 years now and resisted to take medication till this spring. I started in March (moclobemide, not available in US) and have made more progress than in all the time before since then. And the medication supposedly should only start fully talking effect after 3 month.

Since starting the medication I have become in the bottom line a lot more confident. I talk more, I'm more dominant, I'm not constantly apologizing, I demand more. Started to work out spend a lot (really) on new clothing including a suit (never owned one before). And last but not least I'm now sometimes actually looking forward to a certain social event rather than dread all of them. So yeah, I can only recommend trying medication in conjunction with therapy.

icanteventhecat · 2014-05-12T19:24:17+00:00

20% of all the sex is still a lot of sex.

bama79rolltide · 2014-05-12T19:46:51+00:00

Date abroad.

drallcom3 · 2014-05-12T19:55:11+00:00

Maybe you need to strengthen your rotator cuffs. Start light.

http://www.t-nation.com/free_online_article/sports_body_training_performance_repair/cracking_the_rotator_cuff_conundrum

Besides that, social interaction is a requirement to meeting people. Sorry, no shortcut available. Start light, make some stupidly irrelevant smalltalk and you'll see that you've survived.

AftrDrk · 2014-05-12T15:02:26+00:00

The purpose of trying is to maximise your potential. Will you get in that top 20%? I can't answer that. But why not try? I hold the belief that most people overestimate what they can do in one year, but massively underestimate what they can do in ten. See what you can do.

On to my area of expertise.. if your rotator cuffs are causing problems when you train you probably need to (a) reassess your form on movements like the bench press [my experience from focusing on powerlifting the last 18 months is that things like this are almost always related to a technique issue] and/or (b) do mobility drills DAILY to fix your rotator cuffs - Kelly Starrett has a fantastic book on mobility, as well as tons of good videos on his youtube channel. Depending on your strength/experience level (which at 5'6 130lbs probably isn't much) I'd also maybe suggest starting things off light and add small amounts of weight to the movements you do each session (progressive overload). You'll find it much easier to make long term progress by taking small jumps with plenty of consistency in the gym. Head over to /r/weightroom if you want more advice, they're pretty helpful over there.

theprotestingmoose · 2014-05-12T14:28:52+00:00

You probably have a constant mild stress response in your body because of your anxiety. This can cause inflammation and prevent your body from repair and maintenance since it doesn't want to spend energy on that while you are under a perceived threat (anxiety). My arthritis and eczema (inflammation in joints and skin respectively) is directly related anxiety.

If this is what's going on with you I'd advice you to try nofap and meditation to get your neurochemistry in order. I don't know much about meds but I've found that 5-htp makes a genuine difference if you want something non prescription.

fruit7 · 2014-05-12T14:44:16+00:00

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NeoBushi · 2014-05-12T15:47:04+00:00

You don't need medication. You are young and emotional, you will get through anxiety by facing it head on. Also due to your height, I would recommend you focus on athleticism and sports to get your swag rather than trying to get "big". Big doesn't look good on short guys.

fruit7 · 2014-05-12T16:35:39+00:00

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slcjosh · 2014-05-12T16:57:12+00:00

You know you are missing out because you are here, posting about "what do i do".

Handle the social anxiety and do it right fucking now. Go to a doctor and get something to help deal with it. If you live in Colorado or California, get a green card. Pot helps with that stuff and the side effects arent nearly as bad as prescription drugs.

Find out why you keep fucking your rotator cuffs up, and find ways to avoid injuring yourself while lifting. Injuring your body while trying to improve it is counter productive. Spend some cash and time and get with a trainer if need be.

Fuck_off_Mr_Lehey · 2014-05-12T18:08:57+00:00

start taking baby steps outside your comfort zone every day

2014-05-12T18:32:13+00:00

regarding your rotator cuff, go to a physio and have him write a routine up for you to strengthen them - band work, lots of very light weight rear delt work etc. - you can definitely achieve a great body while working around shitty shoulders if you learn a good warmup routine, lifting technique and avoid certain movements.

BustinAllKindsOfNuts · 2014-05-12T19:06:48+00:00

Fruit7 I encourage you to try this exercise. It's simple and has helped me alleviate tension that social anxiety puts upon our bodies. I do it three times a day and it makes you feel great like you can do anything!

Bioenergetics for Social Confidence: http://youtu.be/Pafdo1Pln5I

2014-05-12T19:07:34+00:00

Do you have any male role models in your family? It might help to talk to them about it.

MachiavellianRed · 2014-05-13T00:16:32+00:00

More basic level questions like this relating to one's personal life belong on /r/asktrp

2014-05-12T12:29:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I don't think I am missing much
Author	fruit7
Upvotes	41
Comments	81
Date	May 12, 2014 12:02 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/25cpj7/i_dont_think_i_am_missing_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/i-dont-think-i-am-missing-much.15311 https://theredarchive.com/post/15311

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