Summary: During your military days, you will make the worst dating decisions of your life. So don't fucking commit.

Body: I really can't count the absolute tidal wave of "I'm a military vet who just got fucked over by his girlfriend/wife" stories out there.

If you need a lot of scientific evidence, go elsewhere. But here's my take.

Maybe you represent a steady paycheck/meal ticket for broken women. Maybe a man in uniform seems like that rock in a storm that counterbalances the absolute batshit crazy in fucked up women. Maybe guys who jump into the military after high school are, for the most part, dumb as fuck and without direction - therefore, easy targets.

Either way if I had to go to Vegas and bet on the outcome of a relationship that involved a 20-something year old male in the military with any woman, I'd put $10,000 on the "girlfriend has child while he's on tour and then divorce rapes him while he's away" spot on the roulette wheel. I'd also drop a few hundred on "wife gets heroin addiction and moves into a crack house while demanding custody" spot.

This is really a Hail Mary post aimed at saving the few military hopefuls out there who are about to ruin their lives with the wrong women. A lot of you have the Cinderella notion going on, thinking that the right woman is about to come along and you'll be married within a year. You imagine your Facebook will be full of pictures of family, the new baby, four wheeler shit, hunting parties, and lovey dovey bullshit.

Here's what will actually happen:

Your newfound physique from the simple rigors of boot camp will up your testosterone level and confidence. That confidence will immediately become overconfidence because you are too young/inexperienced to know how to handle it. So the first women who come along will seem like fantasies. Their response to your new energy will make you think, "This is the one!" when in fact, it's just a woman mirroring - momentarily - your exuberance and temporary gusto.

For mystical reasons not known to modern science, that woman will probably be a ticking time bomb of unimaginable crazy. This creates a mindset of "I'm so in love!" with a 6 month to 1 year interim before that changes to "My life is fucking ruined."

Some of you who are already in knee deep may be asking how to avoid that. Simple: don't commit.

Any woman who wants to fuck a grunt is probably not worth the shit on the ground in the back alley. I don't care how good she looks, where she's from, what her parents do, what she's been through, what she promises you, nothing. She's insane. Fuck her once and leave her. Enjoy the memory for the rest of your life if she's actually that good of a lay.

Wow that seems dark. There must be a way around this. Surely I'm an exception.

There's no exception.

Tips:

1 - Build a habit of one-night stands. Get your fuck on. Have fun. No contact after.

2 - Use protection, soldier.

3 - Try to friend other like-minded personnel. Your married/engaged brothers are just a few checks off the calendar away from pure misery. Also their wives will fuck you and then tell their husbands.

4 - Don't date women in military towns. They know the score. They know what they can get from you and what they can get away with.

5 - Make a 5 to 10 year plan that involves only you. It should involve a career, finances, schooling, and absolutely not hint at all to the inclusion of a relationship. Make sure it includes goals that you can check off every 3 to 6 months. If your dalliance with a woman threatens any of those goals in any way, immediately cut her off and go fuck someone new.

Lessons: If you're a military man or aspiring military type, you will attract the Jack Nicholsons of the crazy woman world. They will destroy your life, so don't let them in.