Need Advice on Breakup

ManguZa · 2020-11-16T18:18:30+00:00

If she broke up with you it means that you didn't do half as well as you though.

"The break up was all stress related" yeah gaslight yourself. An enamoured girl would come to you for stress relieving, not break up.

Sam_Hog · 2020-11-16T18:19:03+00:00

Red pill answer: forget her and move on. Have an abundance mentality.

I don’t believe in “she was the best girl” bullshit. Chances are, there’s plenty of other women out there who are probably “better” than her with whom you might develop an even better relationship.

bernierbruh · 2020-11-16T18:23:25+00:00

This is really more of an askTRP question and this post will probably get nuked but to make it short, you've got oneitis and you need to get over it. Yes it will suck, probably for a while but it's best to get this out of your system early. In the state you are in she won't take you back and even if she did it won't go well. Woman are a reward for having your own mission, being happy and fit, not a crutch when you are down and angry. If you absolutely think you need a crutch right now, get a dog. Otherwise, find your happy place on your own, keep dating until you meet another cool chick and do your best to forget this girl, it didn't work out, it happens, it's nobody's fault. Move on.

TheWanderer007 · 2020-11-16T18:31:56+00:00

I’ll be nicer than I planned on in this post:

-Delete her off social media

-Keep lifting and have a good diet

-pick up a new hobby

-game new chicks

I keep it so short because having been there, I know it’s useless to sit here and monologue on and on to make you feel better. It’s gonna suck for a few months, probably even a year or more. But you know what you need to do and you’ll either do what needs to be done to get over it or you won’t and you’ll be a depressed cunt for awhile.

I was that depressed cunt for over a year. Don’t do what I did even though I know you probably will. Good luck

NovicePilgrim · 2020-11-16T19:13:10+00:00

It's over. She's gone.

I once read here that the worst thing about breakups is not the loss of the SO, but the undiying hope of coming back together. It's true.

You are going through some extreme oxytocin withdrawal. Withstand. And let go as much as you can. A part of you will always want her back, even as years go by. Its okay. It is just a scar. It will ache from time to time.

Go no contact and never look back.

btrpb · 2020-11-16T19:01:49+00:00

Why do you say you've been red pill for 10 years? You've been in LTRs, long distance relationships, and are holding out for a virgin?

I think you need to stop kidding yourself and go back to basics.

Vista1337 · 2020-11-16T19:23:12+00:00

I'll keep it simple.

A long distance relationship is not a relationship, you're just pen pals (like someone else said). Please try to avoid getting yourself in LDRs in the future.

Also, she probably got another dude chatting with her in her social circle that got her interested, so at the slightest inconvenience she broke things off with you. Not exactly your fault - It's fine, happens all the time in LDRs (hence why you should avoid them). I know it sucks but try to move on, the best recipe is lifting and of course going to a club with your friends and chatting with other girls, you'll get through it! Good luck.

forthegiggles1 · 2020-11-16T18:31:51+00:00

[deleted]

muricanwerewolf1 · 2020-11-16T18:21:32+00:00

Oneitis, a need to be in a relationship to feel good about yourself. You didn't learn as much as you thought.

monadyne · 2020-11-16T18:31:01+00:00

muricanwerewolf1 is right: if the source of your feeling good is outside yourself, i.e., from this girl, or from people's approval/validation of you, then you're missing the point of TRP. You need to learn to feel good just being yourself. And the only approval that matters is if you approve of/accept/validate yourself.

The confidence you gain from being yourself will attract others to you. And if it doesn't? Who gives a fuck?! The only opinion that counts is your own.

The start of this journey is you recognizing deficiencies you have and correcting them. That's the work.

JensenMse · 2020-11-16T18:49:51+00:00

Having a breakup fresh in the mind sucks. You forget who you were before dating this girl...the man who attracted her in the first place. That the best place to start.

Only time will heal those wounds. In the meantime, work on yourself and your purpose. Go out and enjoy your life. Do what ever you want for yourself. Time will show you that there's literally more girls out there who are better deserving of your time and attention over your ex.

Casanova-Quinn · 2020-11-16T18:57:56+00:00

Most recent gf was 1.7 years long distance. BEST relationship i've had so far even though it was long distance.

My man, you won't like this, but here's the truth:

I’m sorry to break this to you, but there is no such thing as a long distance relationship. That’s correct, you have no relationship. An LDR simply does not meet the criteria necessary for it to be considered a legitimate relationship. There is no reciprocity of anything more than words passing over a phone line or an IM text. Understand me here – you have no relationship. You have self-assumed accountability, self-assumed liability and internalized responsibilities to be loyal to this person. You are entertaining a commitment to fidelity with an idealization, and ignoring what everyone outside of your LDR will regularly tell you is insanity. LDRs are one of the more insidious forms of ONEitis.

Now read the rest of this article, twice.

It's from the TRP Godfather himself, Rollo Tomassi.

arakouzo · 2020-11-16T19:47:24+00:00

For someone who has been reading The Red Pill for ten years, you're doing a lot of strange things.

You were in a long distance relationship. Unless you were having sex with other women, this doesn't make a lot of sense. Agreeing to be in a relationship where you're not regularly having your sexual needs met because this one special woman is just so darn great is not something I would expect to see from a guy who's been adhering to the Red Pill way of thinking for 10 years.

You're clearly elevating this girl on a pedestal and trying to use The Red Pill to achieve the blue pill fantasy. You believe that if you can find the right girl who checks off certain boxes on paper and you check off certain other boxes on paper, you can have a happy and successful relationship that never ends or goes badly. You believe that because her dating history didn't involve "jocks" but was mostly "nerdy" guys, and you are "the most athletic dude shes dated", and her sex history wasn't super-slutty, that you're in and are on to making a great wife out of her, right?

You make sure to let us know how you've been this perfect Red Pill guy on paper who's passed shit tests left and right, but maybe made a few minor errors like this one time you were a little needy or something. This dogged adherence to rules and checklists sounds borderline autistic, by the way.

Then, like most relationships (especially "long distance" ones), she dumps you out of the blue during a time when she's really "busy" or "stressed" and you do something that annoys her.

This wasn't a special girl or a special relationship. This is literally every single normal relationship. Every guy here could tell you a story almost exactly like this one. It ran its course. You were dumb to put up with something long distance or to elevate this girl to something special in your mind.

Neldot · 2020-11-16T20:17:08+00:00

Here is my experience, man (sorry, it's pretty long).

I know very well the type of girl that you describe here. In my youth, I suffered for a decade long oneitis for a girl exactly like that (timid, intellectual type, very reserved, great connection, still virgin). That type of girl is a total trap.

Now that I'm more experienced I recognize that she was a particular kind, here in Italy we call them "Acqua cheta" (still waters) to mean that they seem to be peaceful and harmless, but they have all the potential power to drown you. This girl will destroy your frame first, and then your heart with expert manipulation, often they do it naturally, without even realizing how hurtful it is for you. They have a sort of frozen heart and total control over their feelings. They're a lot more dangerous than a cheater or a thot, because they appear so innocent that you will open them your heart, only to have it invariably broken. And innocent they are, but it's because they're not really interested in sex, and they will give it to you sparingly or also totally negate it just to manipulate you into being always in the "chasing phase" with her.

After I finally break up with her, It took me years to recover, and now, 15 years later, and a lot of redpills after that, I still dream of her from time to time. This is how dangerous they are.

So the abundance mentality will help you here too, because you have to realize that she is not really unique, she is just a particular type of girl, less common but, because of her peculiarities, a lot more dangerous for your mental health. So you have absolutely to forget her now, because the more it lasts your relationship with her, the more years you have a connection with her, the more seriously she will fuck your mind.

Kryptic_Knight · 2020-11-16T19:01:20+00:00

OP, you simply mistook yourself as a high level player in the game, when in fact, you're just a neophyte who got oneitis. Now that you're aware of this, the fixes;

Long distance = more plates for you to be with in your general area.

You should have had her passing your shit tests, basically, more negs for her.

She was never your GF, you were pen pals, essentially making you her diary, don't let your pride keep you delusional, you gained nothing, but gave up your most precious commodity...time.

pehsxten · 2020-11-16T19:05:47+00:00

Focus on mission. Spin plates.

Domebeers · 2020-11-16T19:37:59+00:00

lol I kinda stopped reading after "I'm crying about losing a girl I was in an LDR with". Very redpill...

stop being a pussy

nayvote · 2020-11-16T19:47:40+00:00

So y'all have never even fucked?? What value were you providing besides attention, allowing her to indulge her needs as an attention whore?

Still a virgin, has only hooked up with a few guys up until her mid 20's.

Literally what?

DKN3 · 2020-11-16T19:02:11+00:00

My answer is move on, but if you want to talk to her just talk to her and make ends meet again

dasanman69 · 2020-11-16T19:02:12+00:00

The break up could very well be a shit test of its own. Women do and say shit from their emotions. If things were going as well as you say they were she'll realize her mistake and come back.

Btw, what's done is done, don't beat yourself up pondering what you did wrong.

DeputyDomeshot · 2020-11-16T19:13:51+00:00

FYI long distance doesn’t work if it’s not temporary- as having an actual plan in place to move together within a year dude. It gets old quick for both people and you gonna have dudes moving in when you’re not there.

I’ll give you some not so red pilled advice: man tf up put your cards on the table and tell her you’re gonna commit to moving closer together, lay out a plan I’m talking a real plan with an established timeline that you can adhere to. You have to show you’re serious otherwise you’re wasting your time.

Here’s the rp advice: you’re wasting you’re time you have oneitis, do not reach out to your ex understand any circumstance, focus on other chicks and only engage her if she wants to talk about seeing each other again. No friendly middle man bullshit, do not engage in that under any circumstances.

But this win her back slow play shit is gonna make you sound desperate as fuck because you can’t get no pussy in your area. Don’t do that dumb shit that will never work on a decently attractive girl.

monkmodeimprove · 2020-11-16T19:19:48+00:00

Yeah man I’m actually this low right now. I found out she went going out w some dude that she used to talk shit about and someone I used to be sort of close with. But what can you do? Likely she is talking to someone new so maybe you should keep or start doing the same. For me I am wanting to create somebody new. No girls for me for a little while until I learn to control my frame. Use the fact that she didn’t want you as fuel. I was wanting to quit on a run because I was tired then I remembered the situation with her and pushed through. She’s not as important as your mind is tricking you to believe. I also recommend reading “Detox” on Rollo’s blog! You got this.

guynpdx · 2020-11-16T19:39:55+00:00

There's no such thing as a LDR. Read the sidebar.

NormalAndy · 2020-11-16T19:42:02+00:00

Oneitis- move on, you’ve had your turn.

Chadster113 · 2020-11-16T19:49:09+00:00

"she's still a virgin but has only hooked up with a few guys"

Are you stupid or do you not know what a hook up is?

delicoban33 · 2020-11-16T20:11:16+00:00

I feel for you man. My advice would be avoid reading comments because only thing they cause is pure knife stabbings into your heart. You don't deserve this. Most people here do not try to rationally explain the situation they massage their ego by giving these destroying comments and show how red-pilled they are. Let's come to what to do.

Essentials are: blocking and ghosting her completly and going no contact. You will read from non redpilled people that talking to her in a sense etc would help, hell no, stay non reactive as hard as you can. Don't even change your profile photos even if you blocked her. Let her taste your absence deep in her. And this will ease the pain because she will start to be a player and show off how she has moved on etc. But it is not that easy for her too. Believe me contacting is a meaning of breaking your frame and making her smile. Don't react for any fucking reason. Be a rock. So you keep your self respect, because if you contact and be anxious she will not respect to you. A single bad word from her would be a stab in your heart. She must be in your frame and respect you. That's our aim even if she leaves you forever.

2 Being left is a really strong feeling. From evolutionary aspect it means death. It hurts a lot. Be prepared for pain waves. You will feel better around friends because it will give your primal brain the message "I am not left for dead". I hope your smv is high. Because dating other women will be helpful for pain to go from 9/10 to 3/10. That's all the change we need here. Solve your primal feeling of loneliness with a plan of yours. It will be a painkiller.

3 Use the remaining pain for improving yourself.

If you focus on number 1, you might get her back but it will be different and you know this. You gotta plate her and improve your confidence after dumping her. I wish you patience.

Note: Don't read people online about breakups because you get different meanings and heart pains from everyone of them for no reason. Excuse my language by the way I am not a native speaker.

Title	Need Advice on Breakup
Author	forthegiggles1
Upvotes	4
Comments	96
Date	November 16, 2020 6:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/jvbsgj/need_advice_on_breakup/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/need-advice-on-breakup.336311 https://theredarchive.com/post/336311

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