[RANT WARNING!] The Tinder's Abyss

MattyAnon · 2018-02-25T16:20:14+00:00

How many women chickened out of a date at the last minute I simply cannot count.

You're the backup option. Chances are you offered certainty. They didn't chicken out, they went through with the date with someone else.

so morally massacred by the lack of respect these psychos have for your person

Women have no care for men. Accept it and live your life accordingly.

he last minute they just change their mind and pick an excuse from the B.S. bag and throw it to you after you committed to the date and organised something, likely saying no to other options you had

So now that you know women do this, why are you cancelling other options for her, organising stuff for her? This just doesn't ring true OP: if you cancelled your other options, but they're all going to cancel on you anyway, then you cancelled nothing.

hen suggest a couple of places I know

A couple of places? What, you're giving her a choice? Fuck that shit. "I'm busy Thursday and Friday, let's go out Wednesday, 8pm".

I feel like I have to surrender to the idea that most girls, and I mean a much higher number than I thought, are absolute psychopaths who will use you to play and flirt and then turn around and treat you like you are not even a living thing

awww poor baby! women are not the loving caring considerate creatures your mother told you about. Seriously, this is getting pathetic now. You know Briffault's law, why keep exposing yourself to the downsides of women.

I find this such a childish behavioural recurring pattern that it really makes me question my views about women in general after 40 years of

Women are children, why be in denial of it. Expect less, need less from them and you'll be happier. Women are not what you need them to be. That's not their fault and it's not yours, it's just how it is. These women do not want to be your mommy, and they sense that you need that.

Why don't you commit to even one drink or a coffee when you've agreed a time?

Because they're slightly interested but slightly not. So you, OP, go in the "meh, maybe" slot, and you allow this. If women treat you like this, cancel on them first and then rearrange. Pull their strings. Your emotional reaction to standard female behaviour makes you look weak.

Either I go out or I don't. I do not keep a person waiting for me to then say "hey sorry my cat has diarrhea" or "I suddenly got a zimbabwean flu" or "sorry I can't make it" at the last minute!

Because you don't have options. If you had a lot of options and were sifting through the trash looking for gold, you'd behave the same. Or you should.

. If I put honour in my word I am weak and opposed to the strong male who doesn't care about you.

Read more on here about covert contracts.

The point is: to be or not to be... a psychopath?

Girls like strength and they like emotional turmoil. Nice = boring. Accept it. You don't need to be a psychopath. Fundamentally this is a standard niceguy rant: "I am not attractive and have no options, but I am nice and honourable, so girls must be shitty if they don't want me and it's not my fault". You convince yourself that women are the problem rather than your own unattractiveness and weakness.

? Or do I get over it and bail out at the first signs of psychopathy? I want to stop suffering and I want to stop being lonely.

There are LOTS of very nice guys who bang a lot of women, most aren't psychos. The "I must be a psycho to get girls" is your ego-defence against lack of attractiveness and confidence. Fix the latter.

Please please don't go on saying stuff "you have to be yourself, things will happen", "the right one will arrive" and so on. This is no naive discussion.

Actually this is a VERY naive discussion. I say that because noone who has been here long would expect to read "just be yourself. You've been discussing this with women and betas if you expect that. Read the fucking sidebar.

I am done with Tinder.

Tinder is not a cure for approach anxiety

contrarionargument · 2018-02-25T15:42:37+00:00

Here is a harsh truth.

If this happens to you consistently, not only on Tinder. It's you.

You for whatever reason, are easily replaceable in all these women's minds. While frustrating as all hell, you can't expect them not to follow their Hypergamous instincts.

The only insight you gave us, was that you are a nice guy trying to be a psycopath, but you don't want to be a psycopath.

Maybe you are radiating your insecurities like a beacon for the world to see.

Maybe they see you write without paragraphs and decide they would rather date a chimp, I dunno.

H42 · 2018-02-25T14:27:31+00:00

Most women are afflicted with the disease Bestitis, especially when it comes to selecting men. They are just not Haaaapy unless they are getting the best.

On Tinder, a woman has a constant stream of men, like a fire hose in her face. When she thinks there is a better man than you available to her, she will ditch any plan you have made, instantly and without regret.

Men typically have GoodEnoughus when it comes to women. If the thought of fucking her doesn't make you puke, she is good enough.

MeatySmurfProlapse · Sun Feb 25 17:30:44 2018 UTC

You're 20 years older than me yet talk as if you're 10 years younger. C'mon. It's difficult. Yep. Do you expect everything else to be easy? If you're not lifting weights 3-4x a week, start. If you eat like shit and drink a six pack of beer a night, stop. It may not be easy but this shit is simple. Read the sidebar.

sadomasochrist · 2018-02-25T14:35:50+00:00

What are your physical stats?

ozaku7 · 2018-02-25T19:40:24+00:00

Tinder is probably the worst place for a sub 20% male to get something going. You're better off going out and meeting other people, because you are being compared to the other 200+ men that they swipe on.

U-M-P · 2018-02-25T13:57:09+00:00

Nobody here will tell you "Be yourself".

If you keep getting dropped at the last minute, repeatedly, is there any chance your ideas for dates are boring?

Also, it's London... The wannabe Manhattan lifestyle. Expand your search to Kent? Although, that's like trying to find a physically healthy monkey in an ocean of whales...

And to be a psychopath.. Yes. In a sense. There was a book written by an ex SAS soldier and an Oxford professor who tells people to up their psychopathic traits. Be self absorbed, care very little for your fellow man BUT, don't go out on the warpath trying to manipulate the world around you. The probability is you'll fail and have to move.

I want to stop being lonely.

That's merely a mindset. You can be alone and not be "lonely". The world is yours right now, if you stop whining and realise that. I imagine you have a decent amount of income, some savings and a lot of free time. You are free of the shackles most 40 Y/O's aren't

OneRedSock · 2018-02-26T18:54:14+00:00

I know you're a nice guy because only a nice guy would see two ways to interpret the problem: nice or psychopath. You have deeply black and white thinking. You think in order to get women these are your two options; though I am certain you don't even know what you mean when you say "psychopath".

Go read No More Mr. Nice Guy. And then read it like two more times.

Being nice =\= good person. It means having no backbone in a bid to get what you think you deserve. I.E. if I'm nice enough, I will get my needs met. Wrong. But growing a backbone does not make you a psychopath.

Being overly nice shows you as spineless as you never put your foot down when the time comes to say enough is enough. Don't try to pretend to be a psychopath; instead, try to integrate your shadow into your complete character. This means stop pretending like you have only nice and good tendencies; you know you have anger and rage inside you as well but you've been ignoring them. You'll find plenty of dark material within you to work with; "the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being". (Solzhenitsyn)

When dealing with women pretending will not work unless they're 8 years old and like to play house. Instead, develop yourself as an interesting man who has many skills and hobbies, and who sets well-defined boundaries for women. Someone who clearly puts time and effort into looking attractive and wants to help the women have a good time; I.E. don't be overly serious or look for deep, meaningful conversations. You should find the meaning in your life completely separate from women; they are the side quest. If they become the main quest, you have fucked up.

You will not find women by being Yourself (capital 'Y' to mean I am literally talking about you in your current form); Yourself sucks. But don't think you can pretend to be a "psychopath", as you define it, to rectify the deeper problem. Anyway, what are you defining by "psychopath": whatever it takes to get your male sexual needs met? That seems like normal cognitive functions, not psychopathy.

You seem far off the path. Try fixing Yourself to be more interesting to women, and they will -- surprisingly -- be more interested in you. But how to be more interesting to women? By simply being a man who is interested in his own shit and who has his shit together. Women don't want a man to talk to about women shit; that's what women are for. They want to talk to men and hear about men shit. They want a man to act like a man.

So go to the gym. Start new hobbies. Do things that are scary to you to prove that you still have the balls to conquer new territory. You will be in more social settings that will allow you to talk to women in real life. This will be way more effective than Tinder at getting you laid.

Now go read No More Mr. Nice Guy two more times and actually turn your ego off and listen. There's incite in there you desperately need.

And within 6 months if you don't feel annoyed at being called "a nice guy" then you're still not progressing properly. Nice guy is an empty definition; it is the absolute bare minimum of social etiquette you need to operate within society. It is not the definition of an interesting person who brings any value to the group. You should rather be the brash guy, the guy who is boisterous, the guy who has an actual fucking opinion even if that means pissing off a few people. You should never be comfortable with someone calling you "nice" anymore. Nice guys finish last for many reasons, but the biggest is that they are inherently weak, spineless, and prone to lying and covert contracts; they rarely speak their mind then get upset when things don't go the way they wanted. Be a real guy, not a pretend nice guy.

Pilliam66 · 2018-02-25T14:20:12+00:00

Girls on tinder have endless options. Just have several on the go at once, it's the only way to avoid this.

gulag_disco · 2018-02-25T16:08:09+00:00

Yes, increase your anti-social alpha traits but don’t ever become a fucking flake. It’s weak behavior. Standing by a rational principle doesn’t make you a Nice Guy.

Remember that women are ComfyTime mongers and solipsists. If there is one iota of resistance or inconvenience to them they will instantly crumple and find an excuse to get out of their plans. Doing right by others does not factor into their decisions. Standing by their Word is an alien concept.

You’ve clearly entertained the idea that this is something that happens to you and not top-tier men. You’re half right, but remember that AWALT to some degree, and you are not culpable for how young narcissists entreat the world, that’s where RP and I differ.

The only man a woman will try to avoid flaking on is one she perceives to be a natural alpha, what is your responsibility is to present yourself like one, even if you’re not. Raise your SMV far above the women you pursue, a hard thing to do because of online validation. Remember that even at the top it’s not your job to make sure that young women go to bed on time and have the energy to change out of their sweatpants.

BurnoutRS · 2018-02-25T20:31:38+00:00

"I know we all tend to take tinder too seriously"

Who the fuck takes tinder seriously? Are they touched in the head?

"women chickening out, lack of respect"

Youre a stranger on a dating app. They dont owe you fuck all, least of all respect. Do you respect random dating app hos? They "chicken out" because something about your approach just isnt solid enough to get the excited to meet you.

Holy fuck I dont even need to break this post down further. You spiral into nonesense and retardation pretty quickly

AlternativeDisk · 2018-02-26T06:10:29+00:00

"I live in London": this is your fundamental problem.

Take the Londonpill.

Ananonguy88 · 2018-02-25T18:13:01+00:00

Getting flaked is normal thing in online and app dating, jut play the game or drop it.

mml76gs · 2018-02-26T15:29:35+00:00

I mean... WHY?

Why is the least welcome question by nearly all humans — let alone hens. Why ask a why of a hen.

There is an alternate route you can take. Exit the game and live with yourself, or keep partaking in the game but see it as a game played in one-vs-all mode, where what they seek is whatever their egos identify as winning, and not you (don't even mention your inner self). Just that.

Consider also that your average simpleton (as well as your median female) found their judgments (and how they behave based on such) upon impressions of a superficial nature. How this apply to your circumstances? Well: the less you convey an impression of needing them, the more they will respect and want you.

zyqkvx · 2018-02-27T00:13:39+00:00

Take a look at the 'pet theory' (the 2nd half) I'm trying to flesh out and tell me what you think. It directly applies to your situation. Some of it is pet theory. Most of it is an attempt to reframe well what we already know.

Anyone else is invited to look at it and poke holes.

threshold- · 2018-02-27T00:30:02+00:00

They were already out there, Tinder just gave you direct access to them

zyqkvx · 2018-02-27T00:58:14+00:00

The way you are throwing around 'psychopath' is dangerous. Men take on too much responsibility and investment, women too little. They are going in opposite directions so the distance from each perspective is spread twice as far. So from the woman's perspective men are needy, and clingy. From the man's perspective woman are absolutely heartless and pathological. If you can get yourself to the balance level women will go from appearing evil, to having it too easy and being flakey. In their eyes you will go from appearing as a dangerous incel to a cute guy. The overly stereotypical Chad that fucks all the time, doesn't give a fuck about women, yet still has a gratifying yet empty life is the guy that went all the way up to women level. You move to the balance by looking at your set of accepted responsibilities and detaching the one's that aren't your responsibilities. After you detach responsibilities you will have to adjust. Waking up one day feeling that triple booking dates and flaking on 2 is a shit move to the next day accepting it as part of the game as defined by real world limitations. You will hate women less because instead of seeing them being way up there walking around on clouds ease and convenience, you are walking on some of those clouds.

Don't conflate being a psychopath with being appropriately less sensitive. You have to give up some of those comforts mommy gave you forever. She's not going to give them to you. You don't want to frame it that way and start identifying with psychopathy. Failing to be responsible for things you aren't responsible for isn't psychopathy. It's just hard to accept after it's been ingrained in you. Women are durable. Their life is playing social circles. They aren't going to be crying if you flake like your ego wants to believe, and in the rare chance she does, that's her responsibility. Some guy is trying to find a girl and it wasn't her. She'll have to adjust. Boo hoo I feel so sorry for her. In a worst case scenario it will take her a week to get over it. Week??!! you say. Yeah.

textualintercourse · 2018-02-27T21:05:40+00:00

Hobbies? Interests? Do you lift? Aiming towards a business? Do you have a purpose that is not a woman? Can you be alone and not be lonely? Are you interesting? Do you dress to impress? Are you well read? Positive mindset? Empowered language?

The second you become a "sympathy date" or if she senses victimhood, the woman instantly loses attraction. I'm not getting much frame in what you are writing. I lift, I write (first book is out.. and this shit is gold for conversation, "You wrote a book!?" These women have barely read Snapchat so it puts you in PhD status in their eyes).I sketch portraits (this gig has been sex gold... they see the pics of my past trysts and then they get competitive and want a picture of their own, "Oh.. these portraits are pretty valuable to me." Her: "I'll think of something as payment...runs finger along thigh) [fish meet barrel] But now in LTR mode... I STILL do my hobbies, but now for money in advance "I charge xxxx for..." as opposed to sex as the reward, "We had a good time these last few weeks. Here's your prize, middle shelf. Something to remember me by after you're done giving another dude his turn." Makes LTR insane with jealousy when she sees I'm sketching another woman, and I use it to my advantage. Her inherent competitive streak is in overdrive and she feels a subtle dread game. Life is fantastic.

Find your niche, find your passion on top of the fundamentals and you'll be surprised at the results.

atticusfinch1973 · 2018-02-25T17:04:55+00:00

You sound like a mess, and if you come across this way online when you write, I can only imagine what you're like in real life.

As others have said, if you're constantly getting rejected then it means that you aren't attractive, your communication skills suck and you're likely not interesting or intelligent enough to warrant an attractive woman's attention, never mind her pussy.

I'm 43 and I can absolutely slay on Tinder. I can also slay in real life but Tinder makes it so much easier to set up multiple women and get laid I barely bother any real life game.

You don't have to be a psychopath to succeed, you just need to be a high value attractive male who has a good life. Work on that, it seems like you need a lot of it.

TermsOfColors · 2018-02-25T21:53:21+00:00

I stopped reading a couple of paragraphs in. My advice to you and to anyone who might ever read this, is do NOT take a silly app on a smart phone that seriously.

pyramidenergy888 · 2018-02-25T22:15:23+00:00

You are mad because you've been raised to not be a psychopath, as you put it, and because of that expect something in return.

red_matrix · 2018-02-25T17:54:04+00:00

OP you need to read The Book of Pook (in sidebar). Online dating is a waste of time for most men (unless you're in the top 1% of looks). You're angry, maybe new to Red Pill angry, but only chicks get angry, so calm down - read the Book of Pook, internalize it. Woman are always looking for the best, but they are also a hive mind and only want what other women want. Learn their behaviors, they are all the same.

Spets87 · 2018-02-26T10:21:14+00:00

Not sure if it's a London thing, but 9/10 of my Tinder dates meet up as scheduled. But usually late, so it's a good way to "punish them" for a free drink.

Arty777 · 2018-02-28T20:42:44+00:00

I've had to stop reading posts before, but I couldn't even make it out of the first line on this one.

Poochysnooch · 2018-03-05T07:33:53+00:00

You're being a burnt out pussy tbh.

I have went out with about ~120 first dates in 2 fucking years. Only slept with about 14 of them. 12% lay ratio teh suck.

Out of the 120.... there were about 200 others that flaked out.

Now... I'm mpre experienced and have 3 consistent plates (peak was 5 plates held for about 4 months.. but that was hard). Actually my real peak was 7... but only for a month and that was ridiculous (fucking each in a different day or sometimes 3 within 24 hour window... don't recommend doing that too long).

My point is that now I'M THE ONE THAT FLAKES. Every week I cancel on about 1-3 mew first dates. Why? Because I have better options, would rather work and make money in my business, she's not a "fuck yes!" But shows a reserved "meh" attitude.

Keep refining and sticking to it. There is nothing more joyful than having a passive stream of women come into your life where occasionally one of them is "good" and becomes a nice addition to your harem and you can let go of a lower quality plate in place.

I got eaten in my first year... too beta, too needy, recalibrated, failing shit tests (but I still banged tho... just much lower ratio)

ex_addict_bro · 2018-02-25T15:27:08+00:00

I'm a nice guy: the most despised class of males in current times. I'm a nice guy trying to become a psychopath

You sound like a 3-yr old kid. I'm not even reading your post, just take this word from me: FUCK YOU, WE DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE, THE WORLD DOESN'T CARE AT ALL.

MonkeysOnARock · 2018-02-25T14:34:03+00:00

read the sidebar 5x and then go outside and talk to women

WillMatte · Sun Feb 25 22:49:11 2018 UTC

I learned this 20 years earlier than you.

Thelongwayhome26 · 2018-02-26T05:10:07+00:00

I am not particularly chatty when I am asking out. I do a couple of jokes, engage in a short conversation about something, and then suggest a couple of places I know.

You're problem may be here. You need to establish good connection before asking out and actually expecting the person to take it seriously (i.e. not flaking). If you connect well and ask out afterwards - the odds will increase.

mwjwork · 2018-02-26T12:52:29+00:00

You're using an app on your phone where you literally swipe left or right to choose someone and you're complaining about they don't come through sometimes? Jeez.

Lambdal7 · 2018-02-25T19:33:21+00:00

Here are the tips most important to you

The universe doesn't owe you anything, neither do women
Live in abundance. Yes, girls often flake, that's the standard and that's why you need to talk to 10 girls at the same time and ask all of them out
You don't have to become a psychopath to get love, that's a common redpill misconception.
Instead, you have to not expect anything from anyone, offer value and be manly without being a douche. Be agressive sometimes, tell a woman how fucking sexy she looks today, be alpha, be leading. But also be sweet and cute sometimes, just don't be sweet and cute at all times. Women want variety. Offer a woman your masculinity, touch her like a man, smooth talk her, grab her. Only then, you can expect something back(you still shouldnt though)

Title	[RANT WARNING!] The Tinder's Abyss
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	70
Date	February 25, 2018 1:44 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/804ig5/rant_warning_the_tinders_abyss/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/rant-warning-the-tinders-abyss.48922 https://theredarchive.com/post/48922

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