I collected every breakup I ever know from friends, family, myself, and every red pill blog I read, and here are the conclusions that I derived. I am already in a tough one with my ONEITIS that I am recovering from (doing great) so I did this to help myself through the process. Analyzing everything will help you and me to do the right thing. Even if this post doesn’t make sense to you it is the only hope for you to move on or get her back (not recommended). It will be my breakup guide from now on.

First things first

The breakup just happened from her side mostly and you did nothing wrong (no cheating or other drama from your side). She just dropped the bomb on you (like what happened to me) here is what I got from my experience:

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  • Don't try to ask why she wanna break up with you. No answer will satisfy you. Moreover, she will never tell you the real answer if there is one in the first place. I tried so hard to know why we broke up and she never gave a single logical reason. It was paraphrasing for the same bs. Same for all the breakups that I know about they either hide the real reason or they don’t have one just act on what they felt. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense to you but it does for them. Knowing it won’t change the fact that they took this decision.
  • Don’t try to change their mind. Don’t try to argue that the reason is not valid (in case she gave you one) and you can change it or you will work on it. They already made up their mind and this is the kill shot. Saying stuff like “I think you are making a mistake” or god forbid “I love you” or any other sentence won’t affect them at all.
  • Be polite, DON’T curse at her or say bad stuff or try to attack her insecurities to feel better. It may sound stupid and immature and she will think she made the right decision by breaking up with you.
  • You have to wait to do anything. Because the shock of the break up will hurt you mentally and physically, you won’t be able to sleep and eat for a few days since your body gonna be in fight-or-flight mode and it will be a tough time but your body will regulate itself after a few days. So, don’t worry you won’t feel this forever. Any action you will take at this time is emotional, not logical.
  • Don’t eat the fishing lure of LJBF (let’s just be friends). You won’t handle this so well. Seeing her with other people or she will complain about the next dick won’t help your healing process and she will try to get the BF package from you while giving you the stranger package. I know you want to keep the hope of she is coming back by being a friend and letting her see how great you are or you want the safety of her being around and you can talk to her. But, welcome to the reality that this will never work and it will prevent you from moving on.
  • The closing! Either you say ok (+ optional: good luck) or you don’t respond to the last message at all. Giving them closure will help them to move on faster and not have a second guess about you.

The gambit

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  • The first thing to do after the closing is to go no-contact. By no-contact I mean no messages, no Instagram stories with broken-heart songs, no likes, and/or stalking.
  • Wait a little bit (a few days) and block them everywhere. I know this is the hardest thing to do when you still have hope that they may change their mind. But the only time my ex (oneitis) reached out to me was when she knew I blocked her everywhere. If she really wants you she will find a way to reach out if she has something for you. Otherwise, this is the best move on the chessboard at this moment.
  • If she reaches out it doesn’t mean she wants you back. This may sound harsh but even when my ex(s) reached out wasn’t to get back but to ask about me to water their curiosity or they may really care about you but not to the degree they wanna fuck you again. More about this in they always come back section.
  • Don’t show weakness in front of her or her friends. My last ex knew I was suffering from mutual friends she simply didn’t care. Don’t think if they knew you are suffering they will change their mind to go back to you. In fact, it is the opposite when you don’t show any emotion they start to question their decision. You can share your pain with your friends or support group or the internet but no mutual friends.

Healing

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  • As I mentioned earlier, your body will have a biological reaction that will make you feel sick. It is okay to feel the pain and acknowledge it exists.
  • Stop chasing chicks for a while. A lot of people say the best way to forget about a woman is to be inside another woman. That is true but not in that stage since every negative emotion will get amplified. If the new woman ghosts, flakes, or does something you don’t like, you won’t be able to process it very friendly since you will feel nobody wants you.
  • She is dead! looking at your phone won’t arise her from the dead. Stop hoping she will come back. Accept it and move on.
  • Don’t burn her gifts, messages, or her pictures. Just move them into a place that you can’t reach/see easily. People on Reddit who still talk about their exes are the ones who keep these things around and re-open the wound with them.
  • No love songs! don’t torture yourself.
  • It is ok to be sad for a few days. So, don’t try to fake it by going to parties or doing fun activities that you may not enjoy in this state.
  • Don’t overanalyze what happened. You will never know what was the real deal breaker by spending more time going through the messages or events. People here talk about the frame, game, alpha, beta ...etc. As matter of fact, it doesn't really matter that much. You may play all the right moves and she would dump you anyway.
  • Subdue the urge to talk about her to your friends and family. This will let your brain forget about her.
  • Don't compare yourself to the new partner. If he is better/less good than you. It has no direct value to yourself and your mission. I had an ex that got engaged to a loser orbiter because I didn't want to commit.
  • Pretend to forget about her until you forget about her.
  • Lifting, reading, and mission statement revisiting are obvious :)

They always come back

Well, it is not totally true but while I was writing this article my ex-GF from 5 years ago sent me a message asking “how is life?”. You shouldn’t expect them to come back and they mostly won’t ever come back because they know they hurt you and it won’t be the same. But here is my 2 cents on this subject if it happens to you (or me).

  • If they reach out after the breakup in a short time without mentioning that they made a mistake they just wanna check if you are miserable or not. If you aren’t healed yet answering is not a good idea.
  • In case they reach out after a long time there are 100 reasons for this. You don’t need to think about them. You can ask them when they reach out without saying what they want. I had exes who reached out to ask if I am doing well and that was it.
  • You will keep the text short and formal, without mentioning your dating life. Take your time to respond.
  • If they ask to give it another chance there are direct no’s and maybe’s but never a direct yes:
    • If they cheated → No
    • If they started dating someone after you directly → No
    • If they did you dirty after/during the breakup → No
    • if they wanna be friends without playing games (getting attention, validation, or asking for favors) and if you were friends before and you are over them romanticly -> maybe
    • If the breakup was due to circumstances (e.g: she moved to another city) → maybe
    • If it is for sex only (N+0) and you are over her and wanna plate → maybe
    • Ask her about her dating life to know how she is a terrible person that preferred to give strangers a chance and heartache you. that means she is trying to get you for granted → No
    • 99% you will end up in the same situation with her so any maybe is on the no’s side.
    • Any move you will make should come from a position of power. If you just want to be with them to fix your ego then it is best to say no and get a bigger ego boost. If you want to take them back or tell them to fuck off. It is your decision. Not a stranger to the internet (me).

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Nicely done,

Rookie