Edit: This post is directed at our younger TRPers who are heading into college and have to live in dorms.

First off, congrats on graduating your local High School's program, and making it into a college that you hopefully like. If you don't may as well fucking switch now, because you will anyway.

Location

Now anyways, at the time of posting, most of you will have been assigned to dorms already, and can't change that. If you have any say at this point, you need to find a place where you can get as close to as many significant things as possible. Otherwise, the first day on campus, you need to isolate the closest of all of these things ASAP

  • Bathroom (both genders)
  • Campus food facility
  • Non-campus Food facility open until 2am
  • Gym

These things are what your entire year will revolve around until Laundry/Making food/Libraries become a big concern, you need to be locating the above places.

Now that you have successfully located the things you need to actually stay alive, we need to talk about your actual room itself.

Room

Your room will probably be a small cell, with two beds and a small closet. These can be in any order around the room, be sure to get there as early as possible to secure the best bed. If you don't your roommate will just take it anyways.

The best bed is usually the one that is

  • not against the wall that divides the hallway from your room (drunk people yelling in the hallway on a test night is not fun)

  • Is not in direct view of the window (sunrise will not be when you normally wake up)

  • IS NOT LOFTED. I REPEAT, LOFTED BEDS SHOULD BE AVOIDED

Why else are all of these important? Well, your bed is where you will be bringing girls back to regularly. You don't want strangers in the hall hearing your bed slam into the wall, or people in possible adjacent buildings seeing in, and having sex in a lofted bed is very, very uncomfortable. (But still better than bunked)

Otherwise, you will be wanting to maximize space in your room for other activities, which means that you will be wanting to have space-efficient storage. Screw the "don't bring a lot of stuff" nonsense. If you can properly manage your space and stay somewhat organized through the year, you will have no problem bringing as much as you want.

Try to leave an open enough space such that you can have an area for people to stand/sit and drink in a circle comfortably, or face a TV to watch sports games. Other than that, it's personal preference. Just remember to bring decorations, strong bright lights to keep it lit at night, all sorts of chargers and power strips, lots of duct tape, and WD40.

Floor

Believe it or not, the people on your floor will most likely (unless you get placed with all foreign exchange students) be your main form of socialization. You sleep, drink, piss, shit, and shower together. Not to mention you will see eachother every day, have floor meetings, and undoubtedly need to ask for things eventually.

From when you first get on your floor, you need to be talking to everyone. Even parents, if you can get parents to proactively like you, that may pay off in a year or so when one of them becomes your best friend and you want to go drink at their house over spring break.

Primarily, begin making friends with your next door neighbors, and those directly across the hall from you, or any others you find immediate similarities with. Begin talking about anything they know about campus, and if they would like to hang out these first few nights and figure things out with you.

Your RA

As someone who went through RA training, I know your RA will have been a sloppy drunk their first year, just like you will be. Determine quickly and non-confrontationally if they are going to be strict or chill. Many of them will not give a shit about what you do, as long as no one pukes on public things too much, and no one goes to the hospital (whoops).

Use your natural social self to begin hammering them with questions about the rules of the building, expectations, quiet hours, visitors policy, but leave them space to talk to concerned parents and such. Be friendly, and learn as much as you can about them before the rest of your floor gets a chance to. If you are trusted by the only figure of authority your floormates have, that will immediately give you more value.

Remember, he is human, and a student, just like you. He will be forced to enforce the rules, but if you can show him that you're responsible and mature, he may just let a few things slide throughout the year. Build a good relationship with him, but don't expose too much about yourself, you don't want him knowing that you will be pounding bottles of Jose Cuervo each weekend a hundred feet from where he's studying.

Starting Off

There are a few ground rules for what you should probably be prepared for coming into college.

  • Bring all of the red solo cups you can get your grubby hands on

  • Understand that fake IDs will be very common, it is not a huge deal if someone has one, but try to find people that do. Openly discuss this with others, and even try to plan where to get one. Chances are that someone will be interested in figuring it out with you, or will have one.

  • Bring liquor. Enough said, bring all the fucking alcohol you can sneak in your bags and boxes that your parents won't notice. Screw beer at this point, we just want to fit as much volume ethanol as we can into that tiny dorm.

  • If you do drugs, bring these drugs proactively with you. I don't support or condone drug use, but let's face it, it's everywhere in college. You will not have immediate connections for these things when you get on campus, so you will have to burn a stockpile of them until you can find some. Bringing these drugs and sharing with others is a great way to expand how many users you know, and will give you more of a chance of finding dealers, who will have just moved in with fresh stock as well.

  • Find more booze. This will be the limiting factor in your college experience if you don't know someone that is 21, or is allegedly 21. Begin making friends with older people as soon as you can, join clubs/frats/events, score those higher up friends who can buy you booze.

  • Begin hitting up girls at dorms immediately. Imagine you're a girl and it's your first day on campus, you're excited for all the debauchery of college, but you're a girl and don't know how to proactively do things yourself. Then a handsome confident guy from the other floor/building comes up and introduces himself, inviting you to come to a small move-in party he's throwing in his room. What girl is going to resist that?

Dorm Drinking

This is going to be a long and important section

It shouldn't be too hard to find a party to go to on the first night, or even the first week/month. Should you not find one though, begin working on finding more booze or others with booze. Plan a small party in your dorm with your roommate to meet the others on your floor, your roommate, and even girls. Like I mentioned above, confused lost freshman girls are going to be jumping at the bait to come to a party if you have the balls to approach and invite them the first night.

This gives you a perfect chance to take advantage of the "WHOOO COLLEGE" mentality that will be coursing through everyone, and have an epic night, as well as most likely getting laid.

Keys to dorm drinking:

  • Have everyone go to the bathroom beforehand, youw ant to minimize ins and outs.

  • Make sure everyone contributes somehow (booze, cups, mixers, music, space) You'll notice pussy isn't on this list

  • Take shots immediately every time, not doing so is ridiculous. Dorms are dreary, heavy alcohol makes them fun again. Then assess the situation and proceed drinking as you want.

  • Place a wet towel against the crack at the bottom of the door. This will help reduce noise and smell.

  • Nothing glass. Use solo cups, or you will break things.

  • No handouts, don't keep inviting people, even girls, that never have their own alcohol.

  • Understand that the RAs do 'Rounds'. Which means they will walk through all of the hallways occasionally and check to make sure people aren't doing exactly what you're doing. Learn about Rounds schedules from your RA, pretending to be curious about his job, and take note about how to predict them. At my school, they always did them at 9, 11, and 1am. This made it extremely easy to just shut the party up about ten minutes before supposed rounds, and wait for them to pass.

  • Dispose of empty containers out of sight immediately, do not leave them laying around

  • Be prepared to throw all of the sealed containers out of sight, and have a plan to hide open containers/cups in case of RA intervention.

  • Keep the door locked, and even play music in multiple rooms if you are cooperating with people from your floor.

  • Don't smoke weed in the dorms, just don't do it, it's so risky unless you're really good with a sploof/smoke buddy.

  • Beer pong is fun, but messy and a chore to clean up. Opt for non-table drinking games if you can

  • Have a playlist set up in advance, or use a popular music streaming website to play "College party" music. If your school has a radio station, play that.

  • Keep water bottles and condoms in easy access from your bed, but out of sight. In sight, if you were me, but generally girls don't like seeing condoms laying out, and people will ask for your water if it's in the open.

Fucking in the dorms

Sex in the dorms sucks. You have to share a room, have a tiny ass bed, and the walls are generall not that thick. This is the true test of sexuality for you. In college, sex becomes more casual than you could ever expect. Why do you care if your neighbors hear you nearly railing the girl through the wall into their room? Unless you are explicitly bothering anyone, it isn't really that taboo.

Be confident in your sexuality, assume that everyone also wants to fuck all the time, because they do.

Sharing a room

Sharing a room isn't too bad, just be up front with your roommate about how you plan on bringing girls home regularly, and that you will tell him when you do. Let him know that he is free to do the same, and you will respect him privacy as well. Give him space to fuck, and he will give you space.

Tiny Ass Bed

There isn't much to do about the tiny ass bed, just get as many pillows as you can, off. Then keep condoms and water close, lock the door, text your roommate that you have company and ask when he will be back.

Don't fuck around with STDs or consent, ask the bitch straight up if she has any STDs, is on birth control, and if she consents before you put your willy inside her ham wallet. That sounds ridiculous, but thirty seconds of discomfort to assure that both parties are safe will really make the girl feel that you're mature and in control of the situation, much more than she would have thought to be. She then doesn't have to stress about those things that she wouldn't have asked about herself, even though she would have wanted to.

Thin walls

Enjoy your sexual conquests, people will know you are fucking, and you will get used to it. At some point you will be walked in on, and it will be hilarious. Bring a feeling of dominance and sexuality to the floor, and your floormates will begin bringing more girls by themselves, and girls usually have friends. Work together as a pack, even get girl friends that will help you get laid and that you can talk to openly about sex.

Hopefully this mini-guide can help a lot of young men going into college, adapt to dorm-life more easily. There are plenty more things that go into each of these categories in general, but this guide should help you cut a month off of the time it would normally take to get used to these practices and tactics. Best of luck, and there will be more posts to come.

P.s. Get out of the dorms as soon as you can fucking get a place to rent and the school will let you.