The Lonely Alpha Path

This is just a rant in response to finding this place. It has become the guiding light on this path I've chosen to walk. I know now that this path is mine and mine alone. On the way I will encounter pain and obstacles to test my resolve, but I accept that. Because it is one of the things this sub preaches: men are sculpted by pain and conflict.

It wasn't too long ago that I respected women as equals, partially because of society. But the bigger reason was because I saw men and women as humans, and as humans we should all help each other in all aspects in life in order to progress as a whole in the world. Now, I want to believe that in some areas this holds true. Unfortunately, I was always too stubborn in my ideology to see that this didn't hold true to sexuality. I was always nice to girls, but I was nice to everyone in general. I didn't see hate being the answer. This got me no where, stepped on, and then ignored.

I'm a patient man, I had 4 breaking points. One was my first love, and this was your typical beta-alpha situation. I was too beta to ask her for a relationship, to no surprise she saw through my attempt and squashed the idea. Five minutes later, I catch her hooking up with the alpha. This led me to try alcohol and weed at the age of 14, and I haven't quit weed since.

The second was a popular girl in middle school, whom I had a crush for. Again, I was too beta-minded to express what I wanted and she ended up getting a BF. This is isn't what broke me. I was an orbiter for the whole year and it wasn't until people started noticing that mediocrity that I broke.

The third was in high school: I saw the girl of my dreams. Now of course I have met a lot of girls in between, and by now I have novice experience with them, but my failures greatly outweighed my successes. Anyway, I acquire looks and girls start to notice me. I felt powerful and this enticed me to talk to her. I did, and after three months of courting her and being "the nice guy," I got the date and sealed it with a kiss. I thought we both loved each other and that moment to this day has been the happiest I've ever been, only because I have never felt that way before. But after a week later she says we can't see each other again, and she doesn't say it but she actually doesn't believe I'm beta and thinks I'm alpha-fuck-everything-in-sight guy. Unbeknownst to me, I find it was my jealous ex-fuck buddy who fed her that crap and to top it all of, she has been dating my best friends younger brother ever since she stopped talking to me.

Then comes the final moment where after this nothing was the same. I met a girl in college, she has a smoking hot body and ass. She's also a slut and has openly said she's looking for some dick. She takes a liking to me after we go to a parade and I see a lot of people I know, including other girls I met, which must have boosted my SMV. However, I didn't close that day with her, and after that I started being the nice guy. This shot down my SMV, and when I had the moment to fuck, just me and her in my college dorm, she said this, word for word. "I'm sick...I can't...yada yada. I'm too special. Now my beta mindset stopped me from nuking her, but to this day I remember her saying that. I never felt so belittled in my life.

Fast forward a year and I find you guys on r/all. Read through your shit, and it all made sense.

Smoking weed daily during those years clouded my judgement and hindered my self-improvement. Lucky for me, almost every guy I see on this campus is just as beta as I was. It is too true that the other 80% of guys don't get pussy, they are beta-minded and don't self improve their worth. The meaning of college, at least in my eyes, has changed. It is no longer the place where you discover your potential and fulfill its endless boundaries, instead you are on a mission of a specific education of your field of choice. What I am trying to say here is that now kids my age are not well-rounded physically, mentally, and most importantly spiritually. And what I mean by spiritually is knowing who you are, and what you truly want to become along with understanding the psyche of those around you. Kids my age, know a fuck ton about biology or psychology, but couldn't understand the pain of someone else, loving someone else, losing someone else. Out of the large percentage of guys in my college, most don't go to the gym or eat healthy to improve their body. Confidence is at an all time low. Put into an analogy, their higher education is like their biceps: they go to the gym and curl dumbells for 2 hours and leave. Despite the fact there dozens of other muscles they can improve, they don't because they are conditioned to not want to.

These same 80% of guys are the ones putting women on pedestals, complimenting them any time they can and making women feel more special than they should. This behavior almost forces the hypergamy of women onto the 20% of guys. It is an endless cycle, and that's why I have detached myself from it.

Currently in monk-mode, and this is what I mean by walking the lonely alpha path. I haven't met anyone else in person who holds the same ideology that we do in this community: that status is everything. Status is power. Power is respect. Respect is love or fear. Those two, then, translate to pussy in this system. I keep my circle small, because no one who doesn't want success as badly as I do can be in my inner circle.

I am fortunate enough to have a fuck buddy whom I can practice all this stuff on, and sadly, it works. It's just pathetic in my opinion; how easily swayed humans, and specifically girls, are manipulated by a dominant psychological power. I am off weed for a week during this No nothing November to get my head straight and to teach myself self-control.

But I am happy because I finally understand. We walk this road alone and anyone else is merely enjoying the ride. Those who understand what I'm saying know, that if you are not willing to sacrifice who you are, for who you will become, you will not become successful. There are no big steps, just baby steps. But if you do them enough, you turn around and see how far you've come. Failures aren't failures until you give up. See between the anger-phase posts and read the intelligent ones, they are gold mines of knowledge.

We are the ones walking the lonely alpha path, and we are a damn few.

Edit: grammar. Thanks for reading this far...if you have.

Edit2: I realize calling women pathetic was the wrong move. I'm friends with some women, and by no means are they pathetic. I have posted here before about this, anger phase is not the way.

Edit3: Thanks for all the feedback! One very important thing many people have pointed out here that I agree with is that you should never under any circumstances forget about the ones who care about you. The path is yours to take, and that's what I meant by lonely. But this does not mean cutting out everyone from your life, just those that will slow you down. Find winners and other successful people and surround yourself with them. Surrounding yourself with people who lack ambition and the right drive could hinder your improvement.