Vulnerability

PFN_LIST_FUCKED · 2014-09-18T17:17:25+00:00

I told a girlfriend that my dad died. It was the only thing I said about it, "My dad died," with a blank expression. That was the last time she talked to me.

More recent examples: I was diagnosed with a life threatening disease earlier this year. I presented it to my girlfriend as This is what the doctor told me. This is how my life is changing. We had a tender moment together. A few weeks later, she claimed to be really busy and then stopped talking to me all together.

I let a joke slip about it with another girl I have been on and off with for a few years. I gave her the reader's digest version, and she launched into a tirade about how men hit on her all the time and she can have anyone she wants. That was the last time I talked to her.

Your mileage may vary, but I've never had a woman stick around through troubled times.

jamieoneal82 · 2014-09-18T16:50:11+00:00

No woman really wants to know everything about a man they're with, unless it's to use it against you. Most well-adjusted women will be understanding and compassionate toward an otherwise high-value man if they've been with him for a long enough time to develop a strong sense of attachment, but you need to build that first.

But the problem isn't so much the details of your past, but your vulnerability and insecurities about it. If you confess negative things in your past in an insecure, validation-seeking way, this will always work against you with women. If you need someone to talk about your problems and insecurities with, talk to your male friends or a therapist. She doesn't have the emotional strength to handle her own issues most of the time, and will feel burdened by your issues, even if she won't admit it. Eventually she'll resent you for relying on her for your self-esteem and validation.

Also, read the sidebar material on "women in love".

Edit: also, you won't find unconditional love from anyone, especially women. The only person who's capable of that is your mother, provided she's not a psychopath or has deep emotional issues of her own.

kingofpoplives · 2014-09-18T17:49:36+00:00

The more you open up to a woman, the more she will end up resenting you.

They don't want a real person. They want an idealized version of what a man should be. This is why attraction levels nearly always plummet after several months when she has been around you enough to recognize the chinks in your armor. In many cases this is the point where she becomes more demanding of commitment, starts withholding sex, and begins to consider cheating or a branch swing.

This the burden that men carry in the relationship, to always appear strong.

Women say that openness and honesty are strengths, but their behavior shows that they truly feel otherwise.

Cyralea · 2014-09-18T20:31:05+00:00

Never demonstrate vulnerability in front of your partner. Ever. Expressing weakness always serves to lower your SMV in her eyes. It's entirely possible that it won't kill her attraction to you, particularly if there's a wide enough disparity between your SMV and hers, but it never works to your benefit.

The only woman who loves you unconditionally is your mother. Your woman needs your strength, your stoicism. You are the immovable rock in her raging ocean. Women are incredibly attracted to this. They are conversely very disgusted by male weakness.

If you need to show vulnerability, do it with your close friends.

herpterp · 2014-09-18T21:34:40+00:00

I think quite a few men want an SO as you described: someone they can trust, can rely on, and truly share their life with. The problem is, men really value honor and loyalty which women lack. Your SO will never love you the way you want, and you have to come to terms with that. Keep her for intimacy and companionship, but don't expect anything other than fun times with her. Your friends and family are there for the other stuff.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-09-19T01:28:28+00:00

[can I] show my vulnerabilities while still allowing myself to not look weak or have her lose respect toward me?

No. They want a rock to cling to during their monthly emotional drama. You cannot cry, and about the most vulnerable you can get is to say "I love you." Even that is a risk. Sexual attraction in women depends on you NOT showing your vulnerable side.

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with unconditional love

No. A woman may not leave you or cheat on you if you show vulnerability. However, she WILL lose all sexual attraction for you if you show vulnerability.

How much should I trust a SO

Trust but verify. Basically not very bloody much.

CaptainFalconer · 2014-09-18T17:36:28+00:00

This book covers that in high detail. Check out some of the reviews:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00C93Q5KK?pc_redir=1410779306&robot_redir=1

But yeah, unconditional love? No that's not possible. The only woman who will ever give you that is your mother.

AFPJ · 2014-09-18T18:50:30+00:00

ow much should I trust a SO and how my vulnerability whiel still allowing myself to now look weak

Zero, you don't trust your SO or confide in them. That's what male friends are for.

RedPillSafe · 2014-09-18T19:39:57+00:00

There is the carrot and the stick. The carrot for women is the feeling of acquiring something of greater value than themselves by connecting with a man. The stick is the financial consequence of being thrown out on the street. (think Les Miserables) In Marriage 1.0 this was all common knowledge and accepted. Today the stick has been not only removed but redirected to be against the male. The woman can divorce rape the man. The man can no longer throw out the woman and keep his property and children. What this means is that in the old days you could slip up as a male and show some occasional weakness, but due to your "marriage leverage" you were not at much risk. Those days are gone. Assume zero ability to indulge weakness and expect divorce rape. (so have kids, but don't marry)

joaquim56 · 2014-09-19T01:13:42+00:00

Most women aren't ready for true vulnerability from men they're sexually attracted to. Forget about crying unless your mom or dad died.

oldredder · 2014-09-19T03:33:22+00:00

I'm so glad I left myself vulnerable to my last LTR's. If it wasn't for me showing what hurt me most, they never could have known to do precisely those things as fast & hard as they did.

I feel so much better now.

My solution: don't have a significant other. Ever. That's for me, everyone else can do what they please. Any woman in my life will be no more significant than anything else I choose and I can change that any time I feel like with no one else's consultation whatsoever.

tombreck2 · 2014-09-18T17:14:08+00:00

Don't be an emotionless robot but for the love of god don't overdue it. Don't cry in front of her unless something/someone has died.

Title	Vulnerability
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	13
Comments	21
Date	September 18, 2014 4:36 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2grwc7/vulnerability/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/vulnerability.21336 https://theredarchive.com/post/21336

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