Tl;dr : Title says it all

** To some this may be obvious, to others this may seem as a revelation. IMO, swallowing the pill is a process and there are different levels and phases. Noting down and discussing your thoughts from all the levels is the best way to track yourself and your mindset.

Let’s start with a little story. I recently joined the orientation program of my university. A lot of money and man-power is spent on this program to make all the students conducting it happy and excited. Mainly because if the students are not joyful, the freshmen they are in charge of wont be happy and thus the university is at a loss.

The efforts made to make us all happy do work and we all know each other and are all very happy to be in the program. Some even say participating in the program is the best decision of their lives.

I was spending so much effort and time making my freshmen ease up and happy, that i forgot power-dynamics and took everything for its face value. I was being myself 100% and I thought that everyone else was doing the same. Therefore I was in for a surprise.

One of the freshmen was a girl called M. M was pretty, and a foreigner who lived in the country for most of her life. M had everyone in the group trying to get close to her. M's personality was perfect. She would tease everyone; she was outgoing and never took anything too personal. If someone teased her too much or stepped out of bounds she would shut them down but would still be cool with the person. M REALLY helped me do my job.

Fast forward a bit and fate has it that M and I ride the same bus. We have some small talk, and then we dive in on her personality. To which she says she does the teasing intentionally with people she doesn’t know to decrease the awkwardness between them. She also says that she does it as a way to fit in since if she’s too nice people fuck around with her and if she’s too mean people will think she is stuck up. She also says that once she gets to know the person she is actually really nice and the teasing stops. Furthermore, she told me that she viewed me as a person who only cares about the big stuff and disregards rules, and is reckless and careless. I was surprised, this girl’s “perfect” personality was partly very well thought out; it was a way to fit in. While I was so happy and focused on creating a nice atmosphere and making everyone happy she was there analyzing me and keeping up her guard to fit in and be liked. The power games never stop

I dive in a bit deeper and we go back to her school years, and somehow land in on how she handles interpersonal problems. She says that she keeps her cool once she enters a disagreement, and keeps provoking the other party. Until the second party loses their cool and just start acting on the anger and in the eyes of everyone M is the cute girl and the other party is the one at fault. I tell her so basically you play dirty-under-the-table tricks while putting on a cute innocent face, to which her eyes open wide and she proclaims “EXACTLY." She could have stopped here, but we all know that she won’t because she pierced her plausible deniability; therefore, she said “Well i am cute. You should see what other girls do.” At this moment I imagined myself as the person arguing with her. I would have been played for a complete sucker, and would’ve never realized it until it’s too late.

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I know that my writing needs some improvement, if anyone has any tips please do share them

Lessons learned:

1) Nothing is to be taken on face value

2) The pretty girls are often the deadliest

3) The power games and social dynamics never stop. Even if you stop thinking about them

4) You can NEVER opt out. You either use the dynamics to your advantage or have them- without you realizing- used to your disadvantage

5) Girls understand and like teasing as much as TRP says they do