~ archived since 2018 ~

What's his motive???

February 2, 2021

5 days ago my ex from 3 years ago emailed me, I swore I blocked his email but I obviously didn't. He emailed me and I stupidly replied asking what he wanted, He proceeded to talk about how he broke up with his girlfriend and how he is having a hard time right now and that he gave up on life awhile ago and now he has nothing to work towards. I said to him "What has this got to do with me and what do you want?" he said "I don't want anything from you". He then started talking about how he never wanted to end our relationship but I was so horrible to him and he had to lie to me because of that. He neglected me through the whole relationship, he let his parents treat me horribly, he would mention other women and even said that a girl he obsessed over but never dated was better than me. I was 18 at the time and he was 23, I just got out of an abusive relationship with a 30 year old (yes i know how stupid I was and I regret it tremendously because it was a horrible time for me). 5 days ago when my ex came back he started mentioning my relationship before him and how I went through alot of sht with said guy and I'm wondering why bring that up?. I would sometimes swear at my ex and fight back because he just wouldn't listen to me, he lied to me and even flirt with women in front of me. But the fact that he came back and tried to put it all on me has got me feeling really depressed, I struggle with my past alot and after him I got into a relationship with another guy who turned out to be a sociopath/Narcissist and that really hurt me (i still am hurt from that), i broke up with him 9 months ago. But what really takes the cake is this guy coming back and saying these things to me, He replied "lol" to my message about leaving me alone and that I've moved on, that I don't love him anymore etc... What did he want and why message me to talk sht about me and talk about his ex gf and how his life is so bad?

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Post Information
Title What's his motive???
Author 19Bubbles98
Upvotes 13
Comments 14
Date February 2, 2021 11:39 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/whats-his-motive.1059640
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/lba00j/whats_his_motive/

[–]Surprise-Turbulent49 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

doesn't matter, focus on yourself. block him. Look for affordable therapy

[–]19Bubbles986 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

I know inside it doesn't matter but it's just the feeling of regret of being with him in the first place that I just can't shake. I just wish he stayed away. I've been looking into a good therapist but no luck yet. Thank you for your response Xx

[–]Surprise-Turbulent9 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

My therapist recommended the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method that you could use when you start to get anxious thoughts, so you could check that out. I understand the feeling of regret big time, it can be hard to forgive yourself after accepting less than what you deserve. We've all been there, but I promise you that it gets better <3

[–]dollymyfolly 36 points37 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

He doesn’t want anything but an easy fuck and a nice ego boost. Unfortunately it ain’t deep.

[–]19Bubbles985 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn't go near him again, I hate him, he actually disgusts me and I hope this is the laat I hear from him (He is blocked on email now and he can't reach me anywhere else).

[–]dollymyfolly 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good! This is the best possible outcome!

[–]sstenaFDS Specialist 10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

He told you: he just broke up. He feels lonely and wants attention. He wanted to know you still care about him and he got a reaction out of you. He is satisfied with that now.

He most likely messaged other women from his past too in between swiping on tinder.

Block and delete and move on.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]BabyGothQFDS Specialist 13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

He said β€œlol” when you told him to leave you alone because he knows that the simple act of you replying in the first place and continuing to engage means that you’re not over him.

[–]sstenaFDS Specialist 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This tbh.

[–]OkConfusion3307FDS Specialist 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Be really kind to yourself. He is your ex for a lot of good reasons. You made the best choices you could at the time , and when you were able, you got out of that shitty relationship. Know better, do better. Read the handbook again. There are heaps of great resources in there - podcasts etc that really help. Its ok to be sad. Things are different now xxx

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]OkConfusion3307FDS Specialist 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I looove baggage reclaim! And the adult chair. Those two are great therapy for starters xx

[–]Buckley92 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Because he's a narcissist and/or borderline personality disorder case, possibly unmedicated bipolar or addiction problems or very severe lack of social skills too. Whatever it is, not your problem. Now that his new girlfriend has had enough, he's left without emotional support/sex, so he's hoping to turn to you as a backup option, and reel you back in by feeding off of your guilt + any small amount of love you have left for him, and it's working... just a little... because while you're not overjoyed to be hearing from him, you're still replying, so he's still getting a tiny bit of attention to feed off. The longer you reply, the longer he has an in to continue wearing you down, or simply feed off of you until he finds his next girlfriend (victim) and move on... until she has enough, too. The only solution is to block him. Restraining order if he keeps going.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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