Worried about letting a guy pay on dates because I don't want him to think I owe him - need advice

Jinxhourglass · 2021-01-18T20:16:32+00:00

Paying half wouldn’t stop someone from feeling entitled. There are men that feel entitled to sex after taking a woman on a walk date where absolutely no money has been spent. Some men will feel entitled just because a woman dared to exist next to him. If you catch the slightest whiff of entitlement while you’re messaging in the app, unmatch and move on.

You might have heard of the story where a man in Georgia attacked a woman on their first date because he said it cost him too much money. He had an upper hand in the attack because she agreed to go into his car despite that she didn’t know him. This isn’t to victim blame her, but don’t go into a guy’s car on the first date. Part of the problem is that online dating apps are designed to foster a faux level of familiarity and comfortability that sometimes leads women to prematurely let their guard down.

Don’t go into his home or apartment. Similarly, don’t let him into your place. Agree to meet at a public place and say you’ll meet him there. If he acts up during the date, get up and leave.

Afterwards, don’t accept any offers for a ride home if he drove there, make sure you have enough money to get on public transportation or uber, Lyft, or taxi. If he offers to get you an uber home, put in an address that isn’t your home address but is still close enough for you to walk the rest of the way.

Only go on dates with people you’ve vetted first. I’d recommend going through the handbook again, there are posts from women who talk about how they might video call someone first before meeting them in person as way to vet. A video call can confirm if they’re lying about their appearance, which is another red flag.

There are small red flags of entitlement men will show before you even meet them. Just pay attention to how they react to small boundaries. I.e, if someone asks for your phone number, you say you don’t exchange phone numbers until after you meet in person. This alone can cause an NVM to respond with a neg or a meltdown despite that it’s a perfectly reasonable request. If you give someone your real phone number they can find your other social media accounts, your email, and your address.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-01-18T22:49:55+00:00

You are in control of you. It doesn't matter what he thinks or what he wants or what he expects or what he thinks he deserves. That's his problem, not yours. This is your body and he doesn't get piece of it for any other reason than you want to be with him. If any man ever breathes a word to you indicating that he feels buying you a dinner means he gets to have sex with you you call him a rapist, because he is, and you leave. He's dead to you. He's trash.

Sea_Soil · 2021-01-18T22:01:00+00:00

If a guy thinks you owe him sex then you've dodged a bullet.

Follow the FDS guidelines and wait at least 90 days before having sex (and before commitment) this will automatically get rid of any man who thinks he is owed sex.

Don't pay half. Never go over to a man's house or offer to let him over to yours. If he wants to take you on a drive or go for a walk to a secluded area that's also a red flag he's trying to get sex. Don't get into a car with him. If he only wants to get together late at night, also a red flag, if he wants to take you drinking or encouraging drinks, also a red flag.

Have you read the whole handbook?

divination__ · 2021-01-19T00:52:33+00:00

Stop worrying what he thinks about you. Dating is about finding a man who wants to impress you, than trying to prove to some stranger that you're not entitled.The point of making a man pay is making access to you more difficult to achieve, making him value more if and when he finally has access to you, and testing what he is looking for - is he actually interested in you as a person or looking for a quick lay?

Men will fake emotions and feelings for sex, it is not enough to listen to his words, his actions need to prove it, and his willingness to part with money for you is one of those ways. If he thinks you are entitled by expecting him to pay, then he is willing to do fuck all for you and is looking just to get his dick wet. Of course, if he asks to split, then do pay, and swiftly block him. There's no point arguing, as you won't win.

2021-01-18T20:01:45+00:00

Stop internalizing that a man who pays for a date they asked you on entitles them to anything more than your polite attention (if they continue to earn it) during the date. The date is their way of getting to know you. You can feed yourself, go out with friends or be doing many other important things, so when a man asks you for your time, it is nothing more than gentlemanly to offer a date and to pay for it.

That’s it. That’s all.

Trust me, when you date better quality men, you won’t even have this question running through your mind. No man worthy of your time will even give you the vibes that he expects anything.

If you’re asking this question, you probably have a lot of pickme unpacking to do.

sstena · 2021-01-19T10:58:43+00:00

If you let your neighbor borrow sugar that doesn't mean he is forced to come fix your toilet whenever it breaks. Just like he didn't sign a contract when he borrowed sugar you didn't sign a contract by accepting a kindness.

Paying for someone's dinner doesn't make them your sexual slave.

If you are already having dinner with the kind of man that would murder you for saying no, whether he pays 50% or 100% won't make a difference on whether he decides to attack you or not. The vetting process starts earlier, once you're in danger, do whatever it takes to get out.

I doubt many FDSers would scold you for paying if you thought it was the safest option with a dangerous man.

Most often, we don't want to feel like gold diggers or like we depend on men, so we want to pay to protect our own ego from our own self-judgement. Paying half isn't equality, it's misogyny.

Title	Worried about letting a guy pay on dates because I don't want him to think I owe him - need advice
Author	questionasker012
Upvotes	83
Comments	15
Date	January 18, 2021 7:01 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/l015xh/worried_about_letting_a_guy_pay_on_dates_because/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/worried-about-letting-a-guy-pay-on-dates-because-i.1059741 https://theredarchive.com/post/1059741

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