Accidental Dread. Is comfort needed?

johneyapocalypse · 2018-06-28T00:41:21+00:00

Recently we purchased a new home.

We?

You placed your house in an LLC of which you are the sole member and both (1) neglected to tell your wife about this creative arrangement and (2) excluded your wife from the LLC and ownership of the home?

Really?

This will come back to haunt you and you'll deserve it.

... and your "sister performed the ceremony"...

You're a fucking a pussy.

bob13bob · 2018-06-28T02:28:11+00:00

that's your wife. why treat her like a sleeze ball? Plus, your bluffing which makes it worse.

Whiteliesmatter1 · 2018-06-28T02:54:24+00:00

I think you are confusing dread with overt manipulation using explicit withdraw or the threat of withdrawing resources. This is like her telling you that she will stop having sex with you until you clean the house to her standards every day. How do you think you would respond? Would you clean the house with enthusiasm? Nope, with resentment.

That is all you get with this tactic. Dread is just a natural consequence of you becoming a man with options. Not you threatening to leave her with nothing if she “misbehaves”. You are creating a recipe for resentment and vengeance and this has nothing to do with improvement.

SorcererKing · 2018-06-27T18:54:37+00:00

Fascinating. You're giving her Dread alright, but Dread about taking away her provisioning, specifically.

I'd let her stew on it for a bit. Unless she brings it up again just act like everything is normal (since it is). If she really melts down you can then offer some comfort by asking her if there is a reason you should be considering divorcing her.

Her: "What if you divorce me and leave me with nothing?"

You: "Why would I do that?"

Her: "I don't know. You might get tired of me."

You: "Don't let me. Treat me well, fuck me right, and we're good."

etc.

Sepean · 2018-06-28T08:42:42+00:00

You're venturing outside of MRP territory here.

We aim to become awesome captains with high alpha and SMV that makes our wifes submissive. That's the main sexual strategy.

You're trying to use financial leverage to keep her on her toes, as you put it. I don't know if it works, maybe she'll stick around and give you some duty sex even if your alpha is low. If your alpha is high, you won't need financial leverage.

So in MRP terms, there's very little upside to what you're doing.

What you're doing and how you're going about it has some real downsides though. You're just making these decisions, not involving her or telling her about it, not even willing to explain it to her but threatening her when she asks.

Maybe it'll work out. Maybe you'll get a cowed doormat. Maybe she'll freak out from the lack of security and comfort. Maybe she'll lose respect and feel justified in pulling underhand shit on you. Maybe that beta orbiter who promises to marry her and share everything begins to look good to her, and her bitterness at being forced into the arms of that disgusting man drives her to fight fiercely for custody.

So yeah, I think you're providing too little comfort. Work out something that's fair and sit down with her explain it and set it up. When I was rich we bought a house that was way out of my wife's league, and I kept it in my name. But I also paid the vast majority of our expenses and told her to use much of her salary to save up. And she built up a solid stock portfolio. If she had gone SAHM, I'd have worked something out with her so it would be fair that she gave up her job to look after our family. That's not half, my net worth was at $20 million back then, but it's certainly not nothing either.

A lot of the stuff that goes on between men and women are games and power plays, but there's also a dimension of love, honesty and mutual respect. I think you'll be happier if you master both.

cholomite · 2018-06-27T19:18:31+00:00

I'm not married but I'm in a 10+ yr LTR, where I basically called off the wedding 10 months out and told her I was never going to get married. Best decision I ever made, but she does a lot of the same comfort seeking behaviors your wife seems to be doing. My advice would be to not overplay your hand. This dread is a gift, don't nuke it by telling her she is still entitled to half your shit if she decides to leave. Play it cool and be coy about it, but also reassure her that as long as she is making your life better, she has nothing to worry about.

My girl definitely requires a little more comfort than she would if we were married, and I'll give it to her when appropriate, but just remember to always keep her on her toes, and don't swear anything to her. Sorcererking gave you some good advice about pressure flipping her insecurity. Basically, she is looking for an absolute baseline, so can she extract the max amount of resources with the minimum amount of effort. This is what women do. If you start to promise stuff to make her feel better, she will start getting shitty. Also try to stay away from ultimatums like "fuck me 8 times a week and I'll keep you around". You don't want her to fuck you so she can keep eating and have a place to live, you want sex to be based on attraction and not your resources.

Cloudsurf89 · 2018-06-27T22:56:44+00:00

Correct me if I'm off but seems like the best course would be to keep the dread as your new base line but then give some comfort as and when needed

RedPillCoach · 2018-06-29T15:36:57+00:00

didn’t do any of this to cause dread but it seems to have caused some.

Not exactly. Dread is the fear that you will leave her for somebody better. This looks like leadership more than Dread to me. It is tricky to distinguish because both techniques moisten those panties.

Don't give me any reason to divorce you

Love it!

should I offer some more comfort

Bang her good and hard and then lay in bed comforting her all you want. Short of that, a hand on the shoulder, deep eye contact, and a sympathetic smile works just fine when she starts to flail around.

comfort is a weakness of mine

No it's not. Men are the romantic gender. Wanting to comfort your woman is not a weakness- at least not in a normal society. In this one we do have to play some Dread Games but that is only to keep up the sex and respect. If that is happening a lot already, then comfort should be happening a lot.

TLDR: If your wife is giving you what you need then you should be giving her what she needs.

Greyhawke6969 · 2018-06-29T20:14:48+00:00

I am intrigued by the fact that you described the situation as "Accidental Dread," but that doesn't appear to be what's occurring in your marriage. For most people, purchase of a home represents the largest purchase or investment they will ever make. You state "we purchased a new home," but that you put it in an LLC for which you are the sole member. Not sure what you are attempting to accomplish here but it seems selfish, irresponsible and oblivious. What if you and a business partner jointly owned a business but the partner placed the business in an LLC of which he/she was the only member? What if, when you asked about this arrangment, your business partner responded with: "Just don't give me any reason to end our business arrangements . . . ." You wouldn't stand for it. It's not reasonable. Putting marital assets solely in your name and refusing to explain your actions isn't creating "accidental dread," it's being a selfish and self-deluded dick!
You said you live in a "state." I'm assuming US. I'm a divorce lawyer admitted to practice in several states. ALL U.S. states - including both "community property" states and "equitable division" states - would recognize that your spouse is entiitled to at least 50% of any real estate or other property accumulated during the period of your marriage. The idea behind "Red Pill" men is being attractive and adding value to the spouse or whomever you're in a relationship with. It is NOT about being a selfish a**hole who responds to legitimate questions about martial finances by saying "Don't give me any reasons to divorce you." Word to the wise . . . if your provoke your spouse into seeking help from a half-way decent attorney, they will eat you alive. Man up! Treat your spouse like a partner. Be attractive. And don't be a selfish dick!

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-06-27T19:31:33+00:00

“Improvement is the goal, not dread”

You clearly haven’t learned anything here.

Title	Accidental Dread. Is comfort needed?
Author	TheGoldenShroom
Upvotes	6
Comments	41
Date	June 27, 2018 6:43 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8uc7cd/accidental_dread_is_comfort_needed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/accidental-dread-is-comfort-needed.204279 https://theredarchive.com/post/204279

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