Still learning. And still reading. But I find myself always DEERing in the heat of the moment and I really need to stop it.

Example:

SO: I love you

Me: I love me too.

SO: you don't love me?

Me: I didn't say that

SO: I hate when you don't say I love you back

Me: I'll say it when I want to say it (DEERing)

Example 2:

SO: why do you still keep in touch with so and so

Me: because we're friends

SO: how would you like it if I kept in touch with my ex

Me: you can do whatever you want.

SO: I hate when you do that shit. You don't know the meaning of loyalty

Me: look I'm with you now who cares

So: I care you need to get your priorities straight.

Me: I have them straight if I wanted to be with her I'd be with her (DEERing)

Example 3:

SO: where do you know her from

Me: from a friend.

SO: yea right. Did you sleep with her?

Me: yea I did

SO: wow that's fucking gross do you know how many people she slept with. You disgust me. You're such a man whore

Me: yea well

SO: when did you sleep with her?

Me: I'm done talking about this. This isn't going to help our relationship and it's none of your business. (DEERing)

Example 4:

SO: can you bring me food to work today?

Me: I can't tonight I'm busy

SO: busy doing what?

Me: going to the gym and other stuff I have to get done

Her: what other stuff?

Me: man stuff

Her: you don't have anything to do. Bring me food

Me: ignore

Her: I always do everything for you. And you can't even bring me food that's fucked up

Me: I told you I'm busy

Her:(an hour later) are you going to bring me food?

Me: I said I can't tonight

Her: you're an asshole.

Me: I know

Her: (an hour later) so you really Aren't going to bring me food?

Me: I told you I can't stop asking.

Example 5:

SO: (leaves her clothes laying around when I told her not to 100 times. I put them in her purse) You didn't have to do that. I put your laundry away today and didn't just through them in the drawer.

Me: I appreciate that but you always leave them laying around

SO: I was going to get them in the morning

Me: why not just put them away as you take them off

SO: I was going to get them in the morning.

Me: I told you 100 times to put them away and you never do. So that's what happened (DEERing)

I get into these situations all the time and after I realize fuck I DEERed again. How can I prevent this in the heat of the moment