Was on hardcore MRP for a time. Went through marriage counseling and intense personal inventory. Set boundaries, stopped being a victim and drew a clear line in the sand regarding abusive behavior from my wife. That, along with some lifestyle changes, have allowed us to make real progress. Been cruising along with little to no problems for the last year.

Night before last she was arguing with me over some trivial topic and yells "FUCK YOU" to me. It seemed unprovoked. This is my trigger. I was so shocked by it. Instantly, I fucking lost it. Walked to another room away from her and spiked a glass I had in my hand then turned and kicked a nearby door clean off the hinges. Instantly, regretted losing my temper like an idiot. I was so fucking angry, I cleaned up the broken glass immediately and then went and walked for a few miles. I think what made me so upset was that, in an instant, we had undone all the progress we had made.

At the height of our disfunction a couple years ago I was ready to leave. Had an exit strategy in place. I stayed and worked hard at fixing this for two reasons. One, I didn't want to drag my disfunction along with me into the next thing and secondly that she desperately wants to have a child and realistically at this stage in her life I'm the best chance she has. I felt sorry for her. Because things have been going so well for a year + I have agreed to start "trying" for a pregnancy just this month. I am terrified of having children in a dysfunctional or divorce situation. I feel stupid for considering to have children now.

Haven't slept at all and haven't spoken to her in two days. Still hot AF and don't want to yell or get angry. Sitting here with a glass shard in my thumb and a black and blue fractured foot wondering WTF to do. Realizing my shit is not as together as it thought it was. Feel like my castle is crumbling. After years of being walked on and taking abuse from this woman. I have an absolute no disrespect boundary and yet again, have no way of enforcing it.