A few weeks ago my BSG got me feeling insecure. She brought her ex bf up. He got a DUI charge, she knew cause she talked to him. So I eventually went and read their texts. They were flirtatious and reminiscing. I was pissed but rationalized it because well, I can’t “lose” her. On Monday BSG came knocking and I needed to go read their texts. Nothing from him since, but her friend asked “Am I mean to say if *husband* dies that I wouldn’t be devastated.” My wife replied, “Is it bad that I wonder if *I* die, what the acceptable time frame is to sleep with your ex BF is.” Well that shit set me off. And I didn’t realize it till today, but that text killed my oneitis. I didn’t give a fuck what happened with us at the end of this process. 

I was angry all week, and kept busy with my cert class. Any spare time was either spent doing that, gym, or reading. I knew I was withdrawing affection but I always gave a kiss goodnight and when I got home. We all ate dinner together and talked. I had 0 desire to be intimate all week. 

By Friday I had worked through about half of my anger worksheet which had me in a better mood(A Process for Letting Go of Anger).
I was starting to flirt with her again. That night I decided to get in the hot tub, I didn’t care if she joined or not, sex wasn’t on my agenda (Hot tub used to be a CC for sex). About 10 min later she comes out. Eventually I stand up, lean against the side and catch her tits floating in the water. I just stopped and stared. I remembered HOA post (Escaping Sex for Validation, and Quitting Porn) about staring and imagining and that’s what I did. I was mentally titty fucking her and then after looking up at her mouth, I was face fucking her too. Eventually I took a giant step and eventually I was doing just that. Which led to me cave manning her in the bed. 

Next morning after the gym I wanted to finish up my spreadsheet. I decided I was going to go for some “fucking her awake” sex after I get done. By the time I got in the bedroom she was awake, so I went for it anyway. After our shower we hung out for a bit and got shit done around the house.

This along with the spreadsheet have shown me that with the majority of the things I am angry about had several things in the “What should I have done, owned, or been on top of” column.

Saturday morning I realized I put my Mission (anger spreadsheet) before her. Not sure if that had any effect.

I think the "use anger as a tool" applies as a one time use. Once you bring the anger off you shouldn't dwell on it anymore. Or is that not the case?