How do you recommend I handle this?

donedreadpirate · 2017-04-19T15:03:43+00:00

Are you unable or unwilling to accompany her to the doctor? You weren't going to be there to find out the sex of your kid? You sound like the one with a carefree attitude. You "just found out" she missed the window for her test? You didn't know it was time for it? Maybe your lead is half-assed on this front?

Edit: I see you set an expectation so I removed one of the questions

elleell · 2017-04-19T16:22:33+00:00

I'm not seeing the problem here. You have a wife that completely submits to your authority. Did you really think there wouldn't be consequences to that? You are the Captain, now enjoy what you have.

CaptainJackSorrow · 2017-04-19T17:10:26+00:00

"Pregnancy Brain" is a thing. Lighten up, Francis.

nonnimoose · 2017-04-19T18:23:15+00:00

Basically, her strategy is just to remain quiet and hope for the best.

I am an intelligent and assertive person yet this is basically how I approached these kinds of tests in my pregnancy. Why? Because even though I am pro-choice, I knew I personally would not have an abortion unless there was definitive proof that going to term would have dire consequences. So what would I have done with the information that the fetus I was carrying was at risk for Down's Syndrome or some other abnormality? Then I'd have to decide whether or not to have a more invasive test that could actually cause me to miscarry a healthy fetus. Yeah, no thanks - I just kept taking my prenatal vitamins and hoped for the best.

Maybe your wife is a dullard or maybe she just has you believing that and is shrewder than you think.

screechhater · 2017-04-19T21:29:22+00:00

"As a Captain, I'm not in any way willing to kick her off the ship. Because she's pregnant and because we already have a son. I can see that being possible when our 2nd is a year old, but not now."

Show me in the sidebar, where it is written, that, when a Captain decides to drop the juggling of the balls with leadership and staying on top of his game, he is to turn into a dick and strategize his leaving his marriage because of his shortcomings ?

ReddJive · 2017-04-19T15:02:55+00:00

She's not intelligent? Boy the ego is strong with you.

A good captain

Leads Mentors Trains.

Where are you failing?

pikadildo · 2017-04-19T16:10:22+00:00

The translucency scan is not diagnostic--it provides no actionable information. Who gives a shit. Rule one when doctors offer tests is to ask how the results of the test either way will actually change anything they will do.

~~Control is about outcomes, not acknowledgment.~~

My advice is that you task her with making her own plans and then you monitor that she follows through with the process. Lists work wonders. Have her make a list of items and questions that she takes with her to appointments. Review the list together before she goes. Tell her to take notes. Review the list and notes together afterwards. Praise her good efforts and encourage her to improve. Avoid negative criticism. Basically: you make it impossible for her to fail and keep challenging her to improve.

Read a parenting book.

edit: poorly phrased but not finding the words at the moment. What I meant was that the outcome you want is behavior, so focus on teaching behavior. Don't focus so much on the results of the behavior is supposed to produce.

Westernhagen · 2017-04-19T18:17:59+00:00

She's never struck me as very intelligent

Doubtless there's some other really good reason you married her and are reproducing with her...

when she went to the doc, she "forgot" to ask him to do an ultrasound so we could know the sex, which we had agreed upon before her appointment.

You don't just show up and ask for an ultrasound. You make an appointment, because they have to make sure the tech and the machine are available. In fact, the doctor usually tells you when it is time to schedule the ultrasound (precisely because a lot of parents are dingbats who need to be told what procedures they need and when). How come that didn't happen?

BrazilRedPill · 2017-04-19T16:28:56+00:00

You should go with her to the doc or if you really can't, you find someone you can trust to go with her (like your mother). If you can't do any of these, you write down a list of questions for her to deliver to the doc.

She's the oldest teenager in the house, you lead and make things happen. You can't change her, you can only change yourself.

It's clear that you can't trust her on these matters, don't make the same mistake twice, this would make you dumb.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-04-19T17:58:15+00:00

Bad captains delegate badly.

If you set someone up for failure, dont be mad if they fail. After tge first time, either dont care if it happens or not, or take charge and ensure it does.

You gave her too much credit, move on and learn what you can expect out of her

Stolles · 2017-04-19T23:08:01+00:00

I'm not even into this whole RP stuff but this right here

She has become more and more submissive as I've become more and more dominant

Why would you expect her to take charge of anything if you're the one who is always doing it and expecting her to become more submissive? This is just like 2+2=4, don't get pissed because the answer is 4 and not 6

BluepillProfessor · 2017-04-19T17:33:27+00:00

You work to get a submissive wife who follows your lead and now your not happy with that?

You don't get to be the leader sometimes. You get to be the leader.

Also, pregnancy robs the cognitive abilities of some women. You need to step up. If you can't guide your wife to more independence I shudder to imagine the result with your teenage kids.

drty_pr · 2017-04-19T21:24:47+00:00

Unfortunately, littel context is known of your situation. You have been RP for a year yet you really don't seem to get it? I have a hard time believing your time line but it's proof to my theory. I feel sorry for your wife dealing with your congruence tests during her pregnancy. Everything that happens to us is our fault one way or another.

ReddJive · 2017-04-19T16:12:18+00:00

So it's critical thinking she lacks.

Clearly she can process and prioritize. Otherwise cleaning the house wouldn't be possible.

Have you just been direct? Leading showing go so far.

Training and mentoring are more active. Sit her down. And tell her. Teach her second and third after effects of decisions. Not sure what you have done in that regard. By mentoring you give a little leash. Then check back. Give a little more. Check back until they've built confidence enough to be on their own.

Most critical thinking skills come from confidence. She may lack this.

She may not be the quality FO you want. But you owe it to her to guide her and lay it out there. See is she's just lazy or incapable.

Griever114 · 2017-04-19T16:57:40+00:00

How would you treat a child that "forgets."

You write down the questions for them and remind them. Hell, if its THAT important to you, text her right before her appointment to remind her.

Remember: nothing more than a responsible teenager. Treat it as such

prarrott · 2017-04-19T17:29:27+00:00

You can't control everything all the time. If your wife fails to accomplish something you wanted, you can either accept it or bring it under your control by attending the appt, etc as others have pointed out.

Obviously it didnt matter that much to her, or she would have it. People remember and take care of things that are important to them.

gettheread · 2017-04-19T19:54:13+00:00

*nuchal translucency

rocknrollchuck · 2017-04-19T20:34:11+00:00

My wife is similar in a lot of ways. Here's what I've found : as long as I handle the majority of the details, my wife expects this and fails to have any sense of autonomy in that particular situation. This makes her come across as "dumb" because she refuses to take initiative as long as she sees it as "my husband is handling the details."

But when there are situations that I think she is quite capable of handling, I tell her to handle it herself and if she needs some guidance or gets stuck, let me know and I'll offer suggestions. She does just fine 99% of the time when she knows it's on her to take care of it. The key here is to make her a list of tasks, as well as making sure she has the addresses and phone numbers to get it done.

I think I've had an epiphany here :)

my_cock_in_barack · 2017-04-20T15:32:46+00:00

ill take submissive over intelligent any day. you really dont wanna deal with having to prove your points every single time.

Title	How do you recommend I handle this?
Author	Captain-Keys
Upvotes	4
Comments	73
Date	April 19, 2017 2:53 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/66aoj1/how_do_you_recommend_i_handle_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/how-do-you-recommend-i-handle-this.206266 https://theredarchive.com/post/206266

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