I was 20 the first time I read How To Win Friends and Influence People. Long story short one of the main things I pulled from the book was people like to talk about themselves and I fucking internalized that. Next thing you know my conversations consist of me basically asking people non stop questions about themselves....and me never talking about myself (figuring most people don’t really care they just want to talk about themselves...that’s what the book says) Naturally conversations got boring, I didn’t self disclose, and in reality didn’t win any friends or influence anyone. Do you know how autistic you sound when a conversation is all questions from one side of the conversation?

What’s worse is prior to reading the book people always told me I was good with people. Relatable. Easy to talk to. Charming. (The book wasn’t the problem I just took it for black and white and latched on. Still haven’t really recovered deep in my head I’ve ingrained people only care about themselves..which is true to a point)

As I read through old MRP/RP posts a theme comes up. Do what you want. Fuck what other people say/think xyz. Well the spectrum in me says alright fuck it. I’m going to piss in the middle of the street because I feel like it. (This is an extreme example to make a point). However society or people in general have social norms, or protocols “the you attract more flies with honey than vinegar”.

It seems difficult to me to be assertive without an asshole. To make plans but give people a chance to respond(they fucking hem and haw). To OYS without becoming a mute bastard that just cooks, cleans, budgets, lifts. To just laugh or stfu or AA/Am everything the SO says/does. I mean I have to talk to her besides just grunts and ass slaps....I think?

TL;DR every time I use self help I see it only as black and white. All or nothing. No gray area. How do you find the gray area? Attract flies with honey without getting run over?

Edit: I’m no fun