Going to try to stick to short details like many of your posts.

Recently read the RedPill theories and am fascinated by the evidence.

Husband turned out to be a pathological liar (when we got together he was attractive, successful, and monogamous. I frankly wasnt interested in a serious relationship and was pretty embarrassed when feelings developed after I had discovered he was a virgin. I never wanted kids. He did.)

Blah blah love happened and I acquiesced to stopping hormonal birth control. As the dr said pregnancy could take time. It took 1 fking month.

He was very kind but deceptive through the pregnancy. He has humiliation fetishes that I could never really properly deliver a convincing enthusiasm to.

However we made it work in a friend sort of way. With a lot of shit testing from me I believe it's called. And of course I felt my physical value lower during and post pregnancy.

He ended up punching me and admitting to assaulting our 10 month old when I wasnt home. I immediately called police, etc. I meet with a lawyer today. I do not know if I want to file for divorce because I feel the level of violence and sudden outburst is a sign of mental unwellness and I think it would be unfair to take advantage of this. But I was caring at home for our infant the last 10 months (he makes over 5k monthly and though I did go back to work at first, we had noticed between cost of childcare and his being unable to accept overtime meant me having a job was costing us money as well as leaving us both pissy, burnt out, and messy).

But currently he has ghosted me after a slew of promises, doing non stop favors for my MIL, whom he lived with til he moved in with me (Yes this was a red flag I ignored when I found out.)

He alternates between being very proactive and agreeable and absolutely illogical and over emotional.

I am starting to feel he is choosing to be even more beta than when I met him. He is being a son first and father second, let alone friend or husband..

I dont know if this adds anything but he has encouraged me to cuck him and finds that aspect of humiliation arousing but I no longer can even fantasize about it because it just is kind of depressing and doesnt do anything for me.

So can a marriage survive abuse? I really for a while enjoyed the dynamic we had when he focused on his own happiness without being dishonest and letting me be pissy when I was pissy because the world doesnt revolve around me. And I try to apologize, especially when hormonal, and for a while we would have a really fun relationship with quite satisfying sex. (And no cucking lol)

Is it possible to get that back? Was it ever there? Can I respect him again? Is filing for divorce now fucked up before he gets counseling? I had planned just to file an order of protection and an order to pay rent and utilities and have the judge enforce he go to the DV class. I would be willing to forego spousal support even.

Oh he had took me off the bank account so he could control the finances solely because he had debt and he didnt want me to have any access. Not that I have ever spent a dime without asking since being a stay at home mom. He earned it so I always felt I should ask. Married or not.

Sorry, this was the best I could do to not blather and I dont think I did the greatest job. Just trying to get perspective from a totally different type than that surrounding me for a more well rounded decision.