This is long... Call it my victim puke if you want but I have done work and I do see the light - I hope I'm not dissollusioned.

Introduction I've been lurking under another username - I've learned by reading to keep things detached. Here is my story - I'm here raising my hand - I need help.

I'm 30 been married for 7 years, together for 10. We have two children, 2 1/4 yr old girl and a 1yr old boy. Met first day of college and she became my oneitis. I'll weave in more personal info below as the needs fit.

What I've Done Before Opening My Mouth to You all

-Reading

I've consumed most of the material (excluding some advanced readings as my base understanding needs reinforcement first) and am on my second read-through of Rational Male from King Rollo Tomassi. Next I'll read his follow on books as I hear they parlay into LTR and Married life more. I am ADHD so oftentimes i have to read things a few times for it to totally sink in.

In addition I recommend a few other books to you all (make sure you can spot the cultural femenist tones before readig as they are minorly there)Daniel Carnige's - "How to Win Friends and Influence People" for those whom are so detracted from society. "The Like Switch" by Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins and finally "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" by Mark Manson

-Lifting

I'm lifting 3 days a week following Stronglifts 5x5 and will be transitioning to a proper split program for bodybuilding (peacocking) as soon as I feel I'm ready (working on trying to find a way to get the necessary food intake with my schedule and not breaking the bank).

-Communication/behavior

I recently have stopped placating her. I respond when needed, tell her to handle things where she asks me to if its not reasonable ex.("the kids need a bath", A:"so go give them one".)

I "own my shit" by doing what needs done but I also need some help in this area as I can't seem to get her to follow my lead, so I run into issues with getting everything done. In a redpill world she would be nexted, we're married though, so do i just platantly tell her that I can't do it all and dont like going to bed with dishes in the sink? Etc.

I dont ask for sex, but I get rejected none the less. With excuse after excuse - I'm not the guy she wants to fuck, so I keep my chin up and go do something else, or if its late, I go to bed. (She tells me to stop groping her or says stuff like, "I have the kids clinging to me all day...").

I took the finances away a while ago - it's not hard and not a big deal. I do think we should be doing more saving - but I'm too focused on doing other things to worry about this minor importance.

Questions/Realizations

-Awareness Phase I have recently had a switch flip in my brain where I feel much more aware of what is going on (maybe 75% of the time). I am actually quite overwhelmed with the amount of awareness and im not sure where to start. And this leads me to my anger...

I can see the code, but I can't modify it with ease.

To others I tell you THIS IS CRUTIAL. Before you move foreward this switch has to be flipped for positive progression. You must look at yourself and current actions and be able to evaluate yourself before you can properly utilize the toolkit.

-Anger Phase I'm mad... Really mad that I've been led down this fairytale Disney way of thinking. I did EVERYTHING right. I got married. I gave her flowers when she got mad, I rubbed her feet after a hard day at work, I wrote her poetry because she said she liked it. I was her shoulder to cry on when work made her upset and more.

The biggest thing I'm angry about is that I got married. I went that far. I'm angry that I didn't test more women for LTR compatability out of disollusion of oneitis and that there is most probably someone better out there (coming into this my wife isn't very pleasant and has let her self go - so it doesn't take much) and now I'm stuck.

On the bright side. I love my kids, they are friggin awesome. I think things can work with my wife if she can get on board - and if not I'll be fine.

In respect of you guys to know, I don't want to pay child support for 18 years, and want my kids to be in a decent home more than I care to leave my wife at this point. Ill put in that effort, I owe it to my children and my self worth to at least do that.

-Questions I need to learn to modify the code of the matrix covertly as not to alert Agent Smith. Any immediate help will be great - one barrier I dont get is her denial of sex still - my thought is that my game sucks. I do touch her, I do slap her ass from time to time, I do kiss her (max I get is a 2-3 second kiss). In the past i've been a very grab the pussy and ram it in kind of game.

Im starting to try and be more interesting and put some bumps in the road. Starting to do random date nights - then i'm going to start removing myself from the house alone (might join jujitsu).

I think her hampster is fat and the wheel isn't working. So it complains because its bored.

Thats all i have for now... But i really could use some pointers or recommendations.