Need Some Guidance From New Dads

Reach180 · 2019-02-14T20:50:27+00:00

I kind of put RP 'on hold' and upped the beta a bit but need to tone that back down and get rigid with the program

If what you say is true, and you've been at this for two years, and you're still doing things like 'being more RP' and 'putting RP on hold', you're missing the point. You should have figured out by now that 'the program' is just something to help you figure out who you are and what you value.

Once you figure that out, orient yourself and pursue it. You don't change that based on pregnancy or ovulation or Rambo or whatever playbook you're trying to follow.

It's training wheels, not railroad tracks.

helaughsinhidden · 2019-02-14T21:34:34+00:00

As a new Dad, remember that this is YOUR family. Classic beta mistake is to "defer" the ownership to the wife. If she thinks your getting soft, the First Mate directive is to grab the wheel from a derelict Captain.

Obviously, you aren't going to be telling her how to breastfeed or when to change a diaper right? So how does it look? Well when you're giving her positive affirmation you need to make sure you say things like I'm proud of the job you are doing. You are really Take good care of our daughter. I'm always impressed at what a great mother you are.

What's the difference? You are acting as a captain who is pleased with his crew. It's much different then deferring to the 1st made to make hard decisions or to be the one who's responsible.. I think this is a classic mistake that many men make that as soon as the kids come along all the sudden the let mommy be the boss or the captain.

man_in_the_world · 2019-02-14T23:27:50+00:00

Take your infant daughter away, every day.

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2019-02-14T20:17:45+00:00

It sounds like you are making this exact mistake:

A quote from /u/BluePillProfessor

how does a beta male cuck man get to a place like this in his life?

Step 1: Get married.

Step 2: Try to satisfy the wife by following the advice given by every one of our mothers, sisters, cousins, ex-girlfriends, our current wife, our college professors, the psychotherapist we consulted, and every single Mainstream article and book on the topic published in the last 40 years.

When you see it in that light it is easy to understand.

Step 3: Have kids. This puts the wife in complete charge, AND cuts off sex for at least 2 months. Probably close to 1/2 of men never recover their manhood from this event. This is the source of all the divorce stories after kids. It isn't that you are tired. It is that you gave away the power of sex to the wife and now she has a little creature to cuddle so she doesn't need you. So with no power, there is no sex and the resentment grows on your part even as the disrespect and arrogant, even cruel behavior spikes on her part.

Note how the wife takes control by following the advice of every one of her mothers, sisters, cousins, ex-girlfriends, college professors, the psychotherapist we consulted, and every single Mainstream article and book on the topic published in the last 40 years.

Shit, he even nailed the 2 months thing.

2 months is still very new. It's not really recommended to dread her during these months.

If you are going to be in close proximity like this all the time. Be buisy as fuck. No time to be a faggot.

gettingmymojoback · 2019-02-14T20:39:51+00:00

What is too much time at home?

Are you following your MAP? Are you not doing things on your MAP because you feel like you should be home more?

The way I look at it is that there is nothing inherently Beta about spending time at home UNLESS you are giving up things that you want to do to supplicate your wife’s demands.

If you are living your life and getting the things done that are a part of your vision, and you still have free time at home what is the problem? There is only a problem if you are changing your behaviour because of her demands or because you fear her reactions.

By the time I get done all the shit I want to accomplish in any given day I have 1-2hrs max left before I have to sleep. I choose to unwind with the family for that 98% of the time. I enjoy the company of my wife and kids during that time. I’m not doing it because I have to, I’m doing it because I want to.

What do you want? That’s what you should do, instead of artificially filling your schedule up because you fear that spending “too much” time isn’t alpha enough.

creating_my_life · 2019-02-14T21:22:48+00:00

Are you still fit? Do you have sub-15% bodyfat? Are you still going to the gym and lifting? Are you attractive? Are other women eyeballing you and hitting on you? Are you still FUN?

Very passive dread (early stages), STILL applies.

MRP teaches you to place your needs above your wife's. Now you need to place YOUR needs AND your daughter's needs ABOVE your wife. Take care of your daughter, but don't slip into being a manservant to your wife and give up your goals and values.

RPeed · 2019-02-15T16:46:29+00:00

Keep going to the gym.

Come back and take the baby for a bit.

Take the baby to your own moms (or whatever) on a weekly basis.

Take the baby for a weekend away if you can.

Keep your own counsel on sleep training, discipline etc. and lead on it.

Expect a lot of “are you saying I’m a bad mom?” but remember you hold the ace card: replying “yes”... use wisely but do use it if you have a parenting main event.

Tombert_Williams · 2019-02-20T02:36:34+00:00

Pregnancy and nursing screw with women in a major way. First, there is the physical healing from the birth itself. Also, their biochemistry literally changes in ways that suppress their sexual desire because nature wants them to focus on the child rather than on sex. Further, if she’s nursing a newborn, she’s sleep deprived. And both of you have less time because of all the obligations. It’s legitimate and it’s going to last longer than two months. There are things you have to tolerate during this time that you wouldn’t tolerate under other circumstances. But at the same time, it’s not acceptable for it to last indefinitely.

My advice is to keep relating to each other as sexual beings even if you aren’t having sex for a while. In addition to the factors I listed above, you both get so busy being mommy and daddy that you start treating each other as asexual beings. Keep the conversation between you sexual at least some of the time. Rent a movie with racy scenes. Have some flirty conversations (which will likely go over best if you are in a situation where sex is not possible). In your conversations with her, recall a favorite romp from the past. Plan a weekend away even if it’s not going to happen for many months; just having it on the calendar will be useful. Tell her something sexual you’re going to do to her in the future. Don’t overwhelm her with all of this stuff—just pepper her with it here and there. The idea is to continually maintain the premise that she is a sexual being who just happens to be temporarily out of commission. The current situation is an aberration.

Be proactive and arrange for a sitter and take her out for a grownup dinner every few weeks even if it’s just to the Applebee’s five minutes away. I know that sounds pretty beta but I think the time right after child birth is an exception to the usual rules.

4percent3381 · 2019-02-15T02:18:51+00:00

Your frame is she knows best for your family- but she doesn’t. She is probably more attentive to taking care of the kid, but would have no issue if that kid slept in the bed with you for years or she wanted to breastfeed till age 5. You need to step back and see the bigger picture that you’re responsible for the family and the child development, she’s just the oldest teenager executing your plan. You need to hold the line on crying it out to sleep, daycare, babysitters, dates, because I bet she’s on auto pilot to do what’s easy.

RedPillCoach · 2019-02-18T23:02:08+00:00

it doesn't seem like it would be alpha of me to just say fuck all and do my own thing

You are the Family Alpha now. I think it is Alpha as frack to lead your family and raise your kids.

spend too much time at home

leaving all the responsibility on my wife

No problem! Two problems, one solution. Take your kid to the gym with you. Most have a day care thing going so use it! That is truly Alpha. Wife gets a break, you get bonding time and bulging muscles. Win-Win and it even works for the crossfit guys if you buy a jogging stroller.

spend way too much time at home with the wife

What is too much "time?"

What is too much time "at home?"

What is too much time "with the wife?"

liftingisredlife · 2019-02-21T21:22:29+00:00

I think you are overthinking this. You be you. Stay out of her frame.

Title	Need Some Guidance From New Dads
Author	DrPillPopperMD
Upvotes	4
Comments	38
Date	February 14, 2019 8:09 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/aqo09m/need_some_guidance_from_new_dads/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/need-some-guidance-from-new-dads.218200 https://theredarchive.com/post/218200

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