NMMNG is giving me dissonance.

TotesMessenger · 2015-10-10T11:20:34+00:00

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[/r/thebluepill] Terpers convince a man who has just had an epiphany about RP hypocrisy to rejoin them

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bogeyd6 · 2015-10-06T15:54:10+00:00

Don't forget to lift. Merely reading is not going to do it.

blarggggggggggg · 2015-10-06T17:48:19+00:00

I think the 'Alpha' can admit his imperfections, but is not over-sensitive about his imperfections. He accepts himself as he is, while always working on improvement. If criticized on a legitimate flaw, he can crack a joke about it with amusement, A&A or just otherwise not be oversensitive and let the opinion of others get to him. He is not reliant on the other's opinions for validation, he has a healthy self-esteem which gives him security even in recognition of imperfection.

The 'Alpha' does not put up walls to hide behind, the 'alpha' creates healthy boundaries about what he will or will not accept and is comfortable with. Male friends and close family are for emotionally leaning on in difficult moments, not the spouse.

The 'Alpha' does share, he shares his thoughts and plans, maybe his big dreams. He is a leader that creates these goals and inspires those around him to participate and assist in making these things a reality.

prufrokt · 2015-10-06T17:38:48+00:00

I sympathize with your plight. I have been at this for much less time than you have, but at this stage of the game -- or Game, as it were -- I think there are two important questions to determine:

How much of this do I reveal to my wife? Because once the cat's out of the bag, it's out of the bag. And,
Do I want to remain faithful? Because what's the point of increasing SMV if it's not being utilized?

For now, the answer to #1 is, as little as possible but as much as absolutely necessary, and #2 is, no, focus on the marriage, period.

You have to have SOME communication with your wife. Otherwise there is no intimacy, and why stay married at all? The trick is to figure out how much. Trust your gut, seems to me.

marxistbacon · 2015-10-06T16:37:56+00:00

So basically, this vomit post is to substitute my wife with all of you

Don't care how many flowers you get me, I'm still not gonna put out either.

The book tells me to accept who i am and share. Not to put up walls.

There's walls and then there's walls. Think the Berlin Wall and the retaining wall around a sewage treatment tank. Tearing the walls down and sharing something about your life and your vision - great. Deutsche Einheit! Tearing the walls down so she sees what a validation-seeking pile of jelly you have been - not so great. Bad smells all around.

MRP/TRP takes a more cynical view of the effect that opening up your vulnerabilities and weaknesses will have on your relationship than the book does. I'm not sure of that's because he's still got vestiges of being plugged in (he recommends having your wife read through it too for example - which I don't recommend), or if he's thinking of the "new you" after you actually clean up the obvious crap in your mind, being able to confidently talk about things here and there without appearing weak and insecure, in order to provide some "bonding experiences" or "emotional intimacy". Nothing comes without a cost; what you gain in "emotional intimacy" (hah!) you will pay for sevenfold with shit tests and lowered "alpha" SMV.

throwaway783487387 · 2015-10-06T15:53:23+00:00

WE LOVE YOU! What's the reason for this post?

pullypants · 2015-10-08T14:44:39+00:00

Think I'm at the same spot in NNMNG: that you need to develop intimacy by sharing and being vulnerable. I'm shit at that to be frank, and shit at knowing the difference between looking weak and being vulnerable. I just can't relate to what this is. Anyone got some examples of what the author means?

jcrpta · 2015-10-06T20:40:59+00:00

There's no harm in letting the things that upset you out.

BUT... you do not, ever, under any circumstances, let them out to your wife. She is your wife, not your therapist, and while she will make cooing "you can tell me anything" noises, she says this because society says she should, not because she honestly thinks it.

Title	NMMNG is giving me dissonance.
Author	fakefalse
Upvotes	9
Comments	30
Date	October 6, 2015 3:40 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3npvj9/nmmng_is_giving_me_dissonance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/nmmng-is-giving-me-dissonance.208047 https://theredarchive.com/post/208047

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