Background: MRP helped me save my marriage ~9 years ago. Both early 40s, 3 middled aged kids, she's a SAHM, I'm a high earner & multiple business pursuits, regular sex life - mostly enthusiastic, I lead the household, and lift. I'd say I'm achieving an 8 out of 10 baseline.

Repeating Pattern: I'm on a 9-12 month of cycle with her over the last few years:
1) shit tests start compounding over time (e.g., about more vacations, more expensive crap, me working all the time and not helping with kids enough, etc), I deal with them but get increasingly annoyed (2 months) (5 out of 10);
2) big fight where I make it clear I am not happy with her attitude about the life I've built for her and our family, and I have no problem moving on:
3) she apologizes and then 2-3 months of non-stop, nothing off the table, monkey sex and zero shit tests (10 out of 10);
4) slows down to longterm baseline for 4-6 months (8 out of 10); and
5) shits test pick up, I deal* with them, and repeat cycle.

*I recognize I may not be dealing with shit tests as well as I think I am.

I observe that somehow it seems to take a catalyst to get to the 10 out of 10 level. It seems to take drama, raw emotions. Ideally, we could get to a 10 out of 10 more regularly and not in bursts. And, if it takes emotions to get there, it'd be better if didn't have to be anger and resolution. As is, I feel like I'm dealing with a super cycle of shits test that seem to compound before they explode.

The "Big Fight" is never about anything too serious (on its face at least) - and often seems more an exercise of going through anger for the sake of it. It seems very performative. Everytime we have one of these I wake up the next morning mid-BJ and the next couple months are great.

Break Cycle or Par for the Course: anybody else dealing with something similar? Is it possible it's natural to have a big fight from time to time to reset everything (you can't have the highs without the lows)?