Hi guys,

I am from holland so excuse me if I make some typos.

42 years old, always been sixpack fit. Workout every day.

Solid career.

Not to bad looking.

Married twice, 4 sons.

Married to a strong, anxious, adhd wife.

My issues. Mommy issues, validation through sex, beta traits I think. I always look out for everybody. Make sure everything is looked after. Do a lot around the house, fix things my self.

I red the sidebar. But making it work is hard for me in some cases.

I always feel bad if my wife doesn’t have sex with me. Get butthurt, withdraw or get emotional some times. Pussy behavior I know.

Last couple of month everything is starting to get worse. Wife is always sensitive for depression but it started to get worse. Tried to help out where I can but it doesn’t help.

Last week it hit me. No Mather what I do it doesn’t seem to help here get more attractive to me. The more I push or be nice it doesn’t make a difference. When we have sex she feels pressured or tenses up. And sometimes we just stop it so together.

I am done. At the beginning of this week I started to withdraw. I was not angry anymore but just done. I just answer questions or ask basis questions etc and interact with the kids but nothing else.

I don’t want to divorce but something must change.

I notice she is engaging more and more. She is trying to make conversation and in bed she suddenly started to cuddle last night. I played it cool and went to sleep. I wasn’t ready to roll over and start touching here.

What can I do. I find it really hard to find a way in my mind to start game and kino etc. I feel a bit lost. I am not mad but is clear to me that she is not attracted to me. I know she loves me but that’s only because I take care of everything

Would love some advice here.