Should I stop initiating?

ThatOtherMarriedGuy · 2015-10-23T20:27:08+00:00

"Hey incredible sex life girl, I want you to initiate sex sometimes."

"O RLY?"

"Yes."

"Like what?"

"Like some time in the very near future, I want to wake up with my cock in your mouth."

"LOL! Ok!"

FearDearg2015 · 2015-10-23T19:31:00+00:00

You sure you really swallowed the pill 3 years ago? Maybe you just took a little taste of it, settled into a LTR, and are now requiring to up your dose? Would it make you feel like more of a Man of she initiated? That sounds like validation seeking to me. Stopping initiation to try and make her initiate sounds like butt hurt to me. If you want sex, initiate.

BucketOfSunshins · 2015-10-23T19:33:12+00:00

I am thinking of stopping initiating and seeing if - maybe after a few days without sex - she might actually initiate. Does my reasoning make sense or am I fooling myself about something? Do you think my suggested approach is a good idea?

That's a covert contract. Fuck covert contracts.

Ive_Had_Enuf · 2015-10-24T19:19:39+00:00

It's all been said before:

You're the man. Men lead. Men initiate.

Not initiating with the expectation that she will initiate is a covert contract. What happens when she doesn't initiate?

It sounds like you get sex when you want. That's better than a lot of guys in here. Why fuck it up?

BluepillProfessor · 2015-10-23T21:45:19+00:00

Should I just accept that it is upon me to initiate sex

Yes. Next question.

Also, cuddling up to you, pinching your butt IS initiating dummy. Pay attention.

Do you really want your wife to "initiate" like a porn star. What exactly should she do? If you want her to grab your cock, TELL her and SHOW her. Take her hand and put it on your cock.

Jeez, and they say MRP guys don't know how to communicate.

ViciousFrilledLizard · 2015-10-23T19:17:53+00:00

Let me put it this way: if your wife had a routine of initiating sex with you every night and then all of a sudden that just stopped, what train of logic leads you to "oh, it's all good, she's just not fucking me because she wants me to initiate once in a while"?

jacktenofhearts · 2015-10-24T12:12:11+00:00

Everyone's shitting on you because you're phrasing your issue really poorly.

You want her to seduce you. You want her to work for it. You want her to be so starved for your attention that she texts you all day about how bad she wants your cock in your mouth, and makes sure she's wearing your favorite lingerie when you get home.

I can already tell your SMV is nowhere near high enough to get your girl's juices this fired up. My wife pulls out the "sex for attention" move sometimes because I'm a busy guy. I only have a few hours of downtime a week. And sex is great and all, but sometimes close a full week passes and I'm barely thinking about sex because I'm too busy trying to improve and succeed and accomplish other things.

Early in my marriage, my wife would whine and complain when this would happen. She didn't feel like a "priority." And I told her that was pretty much her problem. If she wanted more of my attention, she should offer me things to encourage that attention. And by the way, whining about not getting enough attention, when I was giving her attention, is not a good a way to do that. Maybe she should try doing something else.

So my wife did the whole lingerie thing when I got home later that week. She was almost spiteful when she did it, like she was trying to prove a point. Look I bet if I get all sexy for you like some fucking cliche you'll still just blow me off and want to do other things.

But no, we fucked. A lot. Then we did other things. Then she pulled the whole "you only want me for sex" card. So I pointed out, no, but sex is something she can offer me that no one else can. That's not the only card she can play for my attention, but she's the only one that even has that card. So yeah, I'm going to react positively to that card. She can try and play other cards, though. I react positively to a lot of things. Sex is just one of them.

So that Friday, I come home, she made cocktails and asked if I wanted to hang out on the patio. That sounded pretty great. So we did. I guess I didn't "only want her for sex" after all.

If you want more sexual eagerness from your girl, you're going to have to do something like this. Fill your life with value, and soon enough it'll be clear she needs to add a lot of positivity to your life if she wants to share that value. Simply withdrawing sexually isn't going to do shit except make her relieved that her sexually needy boyfriend maybe found some other shit to spend his free time o instead of nagging her for sex.

Scurvemuch · 2015-10-23T18:49:13+00:00

why play games? Sounds like you are getting what you want. And as you said, you never give her a chance to initiate.

Flip the script - what message does it send if you suddenly reward her generally good behavior with this little experiment?

And yes, its your job to lead. If you want her to initiate lead her to it slowly rather than stopping your own initiation

stonepimpletilists · 2015-10-24T00:17:08+00:00

Initiate when you want sex, it's what a man do.

She will Initiate with sufficient dread and Smv. That's where the rest of your hard work comes into play.

Let her know you have other options, that will encourage mate retention behaviour

dca_member · 2015-10-24T09:37:37+00:00

This question pops a lot on deadbedrooms. As others said, if you don't initiate, you will come across as butthurt. She sees you butthurt, slim chances she would want to initiate herself. Pick up the clues, i know i miss them a lot. Simple touching gestures, that's how she tells you she is the mood.

Title	Should I stop initiating?
Author	MRPuser
Upvotes	6
Comments	31
Date	October 23, 2015 6:46 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3pxtqm/should_i_stop_initiating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/should-i-stop-initiating.207983 https://theredarchive.com/post/207983

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