"Sort yourself out"

man_in_the_world · 2017-08-17T08:13:18+00:00

I know the AF vs BB theory works so maybe I'm more Beta that I think I am?

Clearly. Most of the words in your post are invested in protecting your ego:

I was Alpha (without knowing it) before I met her

our SMV's have followed Rollo's graphs

back then plate spinning was normal for me

I have a good job and bring in plenty of money, I'm not ugly and have been lifting since before I met her,

or tells about how important her validation and appreciation is to your feelingz and sense of self-worth:

but I feel that it is framed as "Captain can have some R&R now that the first officer is home and can steer the ship for a bit"

I honestly feel like she is just not interested in it anymore

I love my wife and my I love my kids (in that order) which is another issue, I feel it's definitely not the same order for her

and qualifying yourself to us for our validation and approval about what a good little A+ teacher's pet MRP student you are:

I have tried to own it i.e I do the dishes and some laundry (always mine first) when I see it needing to be done and not waiting to be asked

I'm 6 foot and 185 pounds and bench just shy of that

I know that screams of "she's not interested in you anymore" which if I'm honest I would be fine with

I know the AF vs BB theory works

Can I stress that for over the past 12 months I have not given a s&#t about sex, I have worked on myself

I understand plate theory however

I DGAF but

Your pervasive neediness for the validation and approval of others, including both your wife and anonymous internet strangers at a subreddit, just screams out of everything you say and are doing.

Do you think that she can't sense this and isn't turned off by your little-boy need for validation, appreciation, and reassurance? I know I am.

I want to get it all out on the table (i.e if you're not interested just let me know so that we can both move on)

Translation: I'm doing this all for just for her, so I want assurance that it will work, on her, because otherwise I wouldn't do it. What makes you think she knows herself and could even answer this question?

Your wife is absolutely right; sort yourself out, you pathetic validation whore!

sh0ckley · 2017-08-17T11:35:59+00:00

I was Alpha (without knowing it)

...is a serious liability that I experienced. Don't let those times you banged a 10 but couldn't keep her when you were in your prime raise your ego defense.

Admit it. Utterly. You ARE a chump. It no longer matters what you were.

Don't hail the glory days or be like Marlon Brando in On The Waterfront crying "I could have been a contender" - start from ground zero and build.

Admit defeat. That's what great leaders do, and as my self esteem has grown over the course of this process, I can now make mistakes without looking like an idiot. The movie Patton might be a good watch.

And understand that getting Onitis and loving a woman is not anything to be ashamed of. Men are wired that way biologically - read Rollo about how men love. Not knowing any better was the problem and the sooner you stop letting that shit eat away at your soul, the better you can become.

weakandsensitive · 2017-08-17T06:42:43+00:00

Long and short story is this

Woman fell in love with a man and married him.

Man changed into something completely different over X years.

Man is surprised woman no longer loves him as much.

You see how this works?

What you should be aiming to do is grow - not change.

Also -

I have a good job and bring in plenty of money

This only gets hookers wet - and even then they're using lube.

I understand plate theory however while my kids are young I feel I owe it to them to try and make it work with their mother.

What does this have to do with you getting laid? You're blaming your lack of sex on your kids? Kind of a dick move.

The_Litz · 2017-08-17T07:29:46+00:00

There is probably a place for monk mode but I am not a great fan of going monk mode.

Monk mode is standing back from a shitshow and gaining some perspective and resetting your brain before engaging again.

Your relationship does not sound like a total shitshow that needs resetting. Your wife is in fact initiating sex with you. You feel it is shitty duty sex and you are right, it is, but give the wench a break, you are full on monk mode and she is still down to try something with you. Most women that are fed up with a beta chump, or are checked out will relish this opportunity to not have to have sex with their beta bux.

It sounds like you have been disengaged from your wife, and you still cling to the "Sort yourself out" comment from SIX months ago. This is not monk mode brother, it is a butthurt marathon.

Let it go, your wife would not even remember that comment even if her children's lives depended on it, why are you clinging to it?

Check yourself back into the relationship. Check out SGM and read the bit about emersion, and MMSLP, the bit about connecting on an emotional level with your SO.

So far your wife is available to you, but you are not present.

anythinginc · 2017-08-17T14:52:20+00:00

I was 22 she was 25

No valuable man with a good self-worth and a lot of options locks down a woman older than himself as soon as he can drink, sorry man, doesn't happen. It takes some sort of oneitis, nice-guy, savior, or scarcity mentality to do that. This ego your projecting and talking about her being a 9 back then is just you protecting yourself. You were a punk kid and you've paid for it ever since. Shed that and grow.

away for a week for work and then have a week off

Week-on, week-off is either great for a relationship, or destroys it. The dudes who get destroyed (and I deal with plenty of doctors, nurses, truckers, and gas rig workers) go away for a week, then come home and think they have earned the right to fuck off and be lazy and unattractive.

Then there are dudes who are missed horribly while they are away, they come home and treat their off-week like a job too, taking care of all their shit and making sure everything is handled for their wife during their next on-week. The built-in distance keeps their relationships fresh and so he is respected and treated well and resentment doesn't build up.

To be fair, all those jobs also either attract or create women who just spend their man's money while he is away and then resent the fuck out of him when he is home because he spends the whole week bitching about their spending and making them rein it in and he acts like he is some savior now that he is home and should be treated like a king while his wife is thinking "bitch, I ran this shit while you were gone, I don't need your punk ass coming back up in here being like this." Oh, and they are usually fucking somebody else too...both of them actually.

So, I think how you handle this week-on, week-off lifestyle is central to your journey. I'll add, I don't know any married couples who have done it for longer than a couple years (gas goes dry or they burn out or get divorced or an affair is discovered, nurses and doctors change schedules or fuck other people) except for truckers, but they can alternate their driving to suit conditions and be home if they need to and can afford to.

Does she work? Do you resent her and act like a bitch because she doesn't worship you when you get home?

Sepean · 2017-08-17T15:55:36+00:00

I know that screams of "she's not interested in you anymore" which if I'm honest I would be fine with I just don't want to spend the next 10 years finding that out.

For fucks sake dude, grow a pair. She doesn't have a set level of interest in you, it's a direct reflection of your SMV. Up the alpha, hold frame, she'll get interested. Stay weak, she'll not. It's on you, not her.

I have been suggested that I'm not running the dread game hard enough which I'm sure is true as I still have a lot of "nice guy" in me

So fix that. You know the problem, get off your ass and do something about it.

I know the AF vs BB theory works so maybe I'm more Beta that I think I am?

You say you're a nice guy, you know you're beta.

I want to get it all out on the table (i.e if you're not interested just let me know so that we can both move on) but then that would be handing back the frame to her?

She's not interested in you when you're this beta and talking about it won't fix anything.

Begin holding frame. Own your shit. Pass shit tests. Lift more. Reread the sidebar. Work on your game. Play dread. Surprise, it's the exact things that the side bar says you have to do. You're not some special snowflake who can talk it out or turn your wife on by acting beta.

my kids are young I feel I owe it to them to try and make it work with their mother.

Then go at implenting the sidebar like your kids' happiness depended on it. It does. Yours too.

AustralianArm · 2017-08-17T07:15:59+00:00

One big thing of note is that I go away for a week for work and then have a week off so she has to be the alpha of the house when I am away. When I get home she's exhausted from the kids so asks if I could take some of the load which is only fair I think. I have tried to own it i.e I do the dishes and some laundry (always mine first) when I see it needing to be done and not waiting to be asked, but I feel that it is framed as "Captain can have some R&R now that the first officer is home and can steer the ship for a bit"

Do you own your shit around the house when you haven't been away for work? Or is it just a bit of chore-play when you get home?

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2017-08-17T12:29:39+00:00

You've been lifting for 7+ years, are 6 foot, and bench 185....for like 30 reps right? Right???

not afraid to leave if I have to.

Sounds like talk. Where is your boundary? And what do you mean if you have to? You mean if you want to.

handing back the frame to her?

Sounds like she already had it, and you can't make a decision to save yourself.

I feel I owe it to them to try and make it work

This is you all over. You aren't leading your life at all. You're being reactive, to your wife, your kids, your sex life, your marrage. You're putting your needs behind others. Start the sidebar. Read NMMNG. Resist the temptation to come back here and post how it describes you to a T. It did for most of us. You aren't special. But you are fixable.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-08-17T16:48:45+00:00

I was with you all the way to this deeply imbedded covert contract.

she's getting fat and lazy so whatever I'm doing isn't working.

Think about it.

I think Monk Mode is overrated. I also think that a woman who is following your lead shouldn't push a guy into Monk Mode. I would switch to using more Kino (gradually increasing) and initiating NONVERBALLY. Make eye contact so she knows something is up. Look at her like a juicy steak that you are going to tear into momentarily. Then hold your hand out. When she takes your hand lead her into the bedroom. If she protests mildly keep leading her and tell her in a husky voice that you want her. Don't talk or explain, just state the facts. If she rejects you then ignore her for the rest of the day- and possibly until she initiates. Rinse-repeat-practice-repeat-get it right.

nooomaam · 2017-08-18T01:25:48+00:00

How often are you jacking off? And to what?

Title	"Sort yourself out"
Author	Alphaphux
Upvotes	4
Comments	35
Date	August 17, 2017 6:30 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6u86jt/sort_yourself_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/sort-yourself-out.205652 https://theredarchive.com/post/205652

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