Telling her what i'm doing

mrpthrowa · 2017-09-01T12:37:36+00:00

"I need to go home first, so figure that into the time we need to leave."

Idiot - YOU FIGURE THAT OUT. OYS.

"I need you to be at x place at y time".

And no, RP doesn't mean doing whatever you want whenever you want without proper communication. You lead. You figure out what you and your family need to do, make a plan and communicate that plan.

E.g., sure, go out with the boys and have a drink, but tell her you don't need dinner.

anythinginc · 2017-09-01T13:25:35+00:00

Is this me actually being a dick about the situation or her reaction to my weak/nonexistent frame

That is really fucking self-aware statement and you should be proud of that. The second instance is correct.

You had something that you wanted to happen, and asked mommy-wife to make it happen, e.g. handle the timing/logistics/planning, which she rightly balked at.

Don't you know how hard I work, and I don't have time or inclination to think about timing and traffic patterns and blah blah blah ya know, I have to pick up her sister today and that is important and now all of a sudden you throw this on me and do you want to ruin everything and make me late? Why the fuck are you doing this!?!

See what you made her brain start doing?

Honey, I need to be dropped off at the house before heading to the airport, so we need to leave here at 5, get to the house at 5:30, and then you'll have plenty of time to get to the airport and pick Sis up at 6:30.

See, now you are the leader with frame and a plan. Now I'm assuming this is possible without being late, i.e., you should have thought to drive different cars this morning, and that it isn't for some reason that you could have avoided with foresight thus not making today complicated, or for some childish reason like you can only poop at your house and have to rush there every day after work...but at least you made a statement that she can easily decide be in your frame on and comply with, versus one that puts her in the leadership role doing the mental work before deciding if she can even comply.

The_Litz · 2017-09-01T12:56:47+00:00

Drunk captain and Dick combo.

You are leaving the decision to her and delivering it in a passive aggressive tone.

There was probably a lot of other things said throughout the day that did not make it into your post.

CapNGrind · 2017-09-01T12:51:55+00:00

"Put your iron hand in a velvet glove." ― Napoléon Bonaparte

You have to handle your communication with some degree of finesse.

I thought my statement was a simple fact stated plainly.

It was, but there are other ways to state simple facts plainly that won't make you sound like an inconsiderate, incompetent robot. Telling her what time you need to leave instead of leaving it to her to figure out would have helped with this.

alphabeta49 · 2017-09-01T16:43:59+00:00

figure that into the time we need to leave

Not only are you relying on mommy to plan your logistics, you're ordering her to do it. Rebellious children get consequences.

Own your shit. Figure out your own schedule.

gettingmymojoback · 2017-09-01T12:37:54+00:00

Well, I can see what the next book on your reading list should be.....

[deleted] · 2017-09-01T13:16:57+00:00

Were you playing the I'm-afraid-how-you-will-react-if-I'm-direct-so-if-you-can-guess-what-I'm-actually-asking-behind-all-these-annoying-random-questions game?

It's about as fun as being forced to watch someone play pictionary against themselves.

Read WISNIFG and start spitting things out.

JDRoedell · 2017-09-01T17:50:24+00:00

You need to figure out when to leave to accommodate the plan change. Then tell her when you're leaving. That simple. That's being the captain.

Rian_Stone · 2017-09-01T12:41:17+00:00

Your debts paid off yet?

Come back when you've finished the basics

Alpha_Engineer99 · 2017-09-01T14:16:48+00:00

Do you only have 1 car? Should have told her that "I'll be driving my car separately tomorrow - I have x,y,z to take care of after work, tell your sister I said hi.".

Really, at this point, any kind of masculine push back or anything from your normal BETA routine you do or say WILL be met with yapping from her. Trust me. You have been a BETA pussy for a long time, she wants to keep that dynamic the same. I was one for 10 fucking years. I'm 3 years in. At first, it gets worse though. Keep this up and you will be a totally different man in 2 years.

She will sense your improvements and the shit tests will increase in frequency and intensity in the upcoming months. Just hold strong. don't over think this. Push through it & follow the sidebar. Don't worry about her emotions. Start unfucking yourself, lift, fix things arounf the house, iron your clothes, dress better, kino, teasing, etc.. I'm assuming you started gaming her, right?

Drive together every morning? That's got to suck. She knows your exact location and whereabouts all of the time.

Downhere_Seeds · 2017-09-01T17:17:06+00:00

She didn't like this statement and started yapping about how I need to start saying things differently and not be such a dick about it.

This was a shit test. She's seeing a different side to you communicating more assertively and she's testing you on it. So how did you respond? AA, STFU, AM, DEER?

Progress_Set · 2017-09-01T17:25:26+00:00

You are putting way to much on her plate without offering solutions. You are also completely in her frame. Next time you fuck up like this, and it will happen again, save yourself with OYS and frame.

For example, you've just told her you need to be home and she's calling you a dick, now is when you say something like, "Heres the timetable of what to do and when so we both get what we want (OYS)." Do it in a way thay doesnt get you butthurt and just focus on guiding her to do what needs to be done and when (OI and Frame).

Most of the time if you take care of what needs to be done before its too late, she'll come around a bit after. The key is not to be swept up in her emotions or her frame at the cost of actually getting things done.

Red-Curious · 2017-09-01T19:37:28+00:00

I went through about 3 days in my journey where I was emotionally cold, very direct and decisive, and highly efficient. I became robotic and my wife immediately picked up on the relational distance this created. This was a gross misunderstanding of stoicism and frame.

If your wife wanted to screw a machine, there are plenty she could buy instead of having married you.

Amused mastery is most often brought up in contexts that make it look like little more than a responsive tactic to specific situations, or a mentality to keep you from getting butthurt when she's throwing a fit. But it should really just be on all the time. Enjoy life. Have fun with the little things. Before giving your wife an instruction, ask yourself, "How can I word this to make her roll her eyes with a hidden smile?"

Hey, I know you've gotta pick up your sister, but I need to drop a massive deuce before she gets home ... don't want the house stunk up when she gets there, right? <wink emoji> So, let's head out at ___ to drop me off first.

or

I know Princess Wannabe will be getting in at ___, but I've got to get some stuff done, so let's leave today at [a ridiculously early time]. Her: [responding to the setup] "Why so early?" Well doing ___ will probably take 15 minutes, doing ___ another 10, and ___ another 20, and screwing your brains out before she gets here will take a couple hours.

Bonus: If she ignores you or responds with sarcasm (even though she secretly likes it), you say, I suppose if we can't leave that early, there's about 45 minutes of stuff I can cut out.

trpbritguy · 2017-09-03T15:27:19+00:00

"I need to go home first, so figure that into the time we need to leave."

Should have been a well laid out plan of how to deal with that as a secondary "itinerary" after you got what ever you needed to get done!

InChargeMan · 2017-09-05T11:23:30+00:00

Just figure it out for her, that is your role. IF for some reason she disagrees with your planning you A. DNGAF and proceed as planned (presumably with success) or B. DNGAF and tell her "ok, sounds like you have this under control, I'll take my own car and let you handle it." Then when she fails (women are genetically incapable of following a schedule or estimating time) she will be looking for a scapegoat. Don't be the scapegoat, don't engage, DNGAF. Next time she will follow the leader.

88Will88 · 2017-09-01T12:29:55+00:00

Fuck off

Title	Telling her what i'm doing
Author	Mrsnatch22
Upvotes	2
Comments	21
Date	September 1, 2017 12:26 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6xe6py/telling_her_what_im_doing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/telling-her-what-im-doing.205544 https://theredarchive.com/post/205544

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