The anger phase.

UEMcGill · 2016-01-22T18:19:02+00:00

You want to ignore anger. Instead try living in it.

Go to the gym, go for a hike, whatever and say "For the next 30 minutes I'm going to live in this shit. I'm going to fucking deal with all the emotions that come with it."

"Man she's got a lot of nerve!" Rep.

"fuck look at me working" rep

"Fucking lazy cunt" rep.

Your problem isn't that you're mad at her, it's that your brain won't put it away. You're stuck moving past it. But it's like when I say "Don't think about a big pink elephant" your brain immediately goes to that.

So embrace your anger. Live in it. Learn to love it for what it is, your brain and yourself having cognitive dissonance. Your brain is mad, so it focuses on her. Reality is, you have choice, so you know you let it get this way, so you project anger on her. Talk this shit over and over in your brain so you can deal with it. By dealing with it while focusing on a goal (the gym, a project or a hike) you can harness the endorphin's of work while you think. Ask yourself "Did she get this way because of her, or me?" Offer up different paths, play with "If I did this, would she have done that?" Don't focus on being mad, that's ok. Eventually after some self punishment, you'll make some pathways in your brain that say "Ok, let's move forward". Formulate a plan in your head about how you can move forward irrespective of the anger. Once you put that in place, your lizard brain will realize, you're in control of your own destiny and the anger will fade. It's a manifestation of your feeling lack of control so give it the control it needs.

Scurvemuch · 2016-01-22T19:45:32+00:00

How do I get past the anger phase?

The world lied to you. You lied to yourself.
If you are intellectually bent, read up on Stoicism . That helps.

Now, that you woke the fuck up and see your wife as not that special and maybe even replaceable, look at yourself.

u/Trainingthebrain has asked multiple men this :

Would you fuck you?

seriously, look in the mirror, look at your day to day actions, and ask yourself what you have done to deserve your wife's sexual attraction. Or any woman's for that matter.

When you realize that you are angry at yourself, go beat yourself up in the gym, give yourself the ~~punishment~~ reward of more activities outside the home, improve your life in general.

If you are still mad at your spouse, realize you chose her. If you made a mistake, fix it. But fix yourself first. She is the messenger that you are not sexually attractive ( at least to her) . Don't shoot the messenger, reward her with your attention when you feel like it.

Oh, and its going to take a while for her to Feel the effect of any changes you are making.

0io- · 2016-01-23T00:26:15+00:00

Brother, you're in your still in your twenties with no kids and no mortgage? Sure you're angry now, but look at the trajectory you are on.

Life is about to get a whole lot better for you.

If you keep lifting like you are, get your BF% down to say 12% after a couple of bulk and cut cycles. You're going to be 28 or 29 years old and in great shape, with no kids.

If your wife isn't putting out then, you can break up and move on to the next phase of your life. You could stay single and spin plates for another 10 years and still have kids in your late thirties with some other woman if that's what you want. Go travel the world.

Take a big step back and look at the big picture. That chapter of your life of being a fat married blue-pill clueless guy is over for good now. Give yourself a little time to climb out of the hole you dug yourself into.

You're already heading in the right direction, get yourself physically in the shape you should be in and then take inventory of your options and figure out what to do next.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-01-23T17:53:22+00:00

Do other women want to fuck you yet?

If not, then they are functionally identical to your wife, work on them too

jacktenofhearts · 2016-01-23T01:07:04+00:00

I am unclear on why you are not getting divorced.

Your wife is clearly an anxious woman with a sex negative attitude. Divorce her and seek women with high self-esteem and low neuroticism, and I suspect you'll get over anger pretty easily.

I understand this is not trivial if you have children or significant financial assets. But you don't, so what's stopping you?

Your angry because some Red Pill content is leading you to believe your wife's behavior was intended as some sort of psychological manipulation to convince you to stay without ever having sex. But it really wasn't, man. You were just a Nice Guy who felt guilty for even feeling upset that his wife never wanted to fuck him, and that's not her fault, that's yours. There was no "long con" here, just an anxious woman with low self-esteem that you didn't think you could do better than.

But you can. So go do that. It probably beats stewing in anger.

theultmatecad · 2016-01-22T19:56:02+00:00

Bro, you aint seen nothing yet.

Right now you are angry that your woman didn't want to fuck a fat nice guy and that she doesn't love you (or any man) unconditionally.

Wait til you realize that these "wants and needs" of yours arent even natural. Men lived for thousands of years and didnt expect or want a womens unearned love and devotion.

Its the feminine conditioning that you feel you need this shit. Its there to make you a willing slave for more of mommies love.

Your wife aint your momma and your expectations were falsely set by society to hold you back.

Yup, its infuriating. Embrace anger, and dont run from the anger. Use it to fuel your true passions as now your life is yours and yours alone

stonepimpletilists · 2016-01-22T18:08:09+00:00

I am stuck in the anger phase right now.

angry at who? yourself for being wrong? I know TRP talks about embracing it, but it's much better if you just accept it happened, and move on.

theres always a reason to be man. and the greater life gets, the more inconcequential the reasons become.

Focus more on the 'what are you going to do about it' then you'll quickly find you're too busy to get mad about what wasn't there to begin with.

SexistFlyingPig · 2016-01-23T03:52:11+00:00

The anger phase does pass, and with it comes acceptance. If you put in the work, it does get better.

"I am lucky to get more than a chicken peck. She's all about snugglz, but any attempt to get more than that rains down a hailstorm of accusations about me just wanting her for sex. "

Step one: it's okay to want sex from your wife. You have to be okay with this. But you came here because "Have sex with me or we're getting divorced" isn't going to get you anything but divorced, and you're not willing to go there, yet. If you initiate, and she starts complaining about you "only wanting her for sex", get up and leave. Go to the gym. Lift.

When you're feeling like you're really making some gains, if she hasn't noticed, then implement Dread Level 1.

(From the 12 levels of Dread)
--Dread Level 1: Learn to recognize and start passing Shit Tests. Begin building a strong, indefatigable frame where you are not affected by her sexual denials. Your readings will inform you about the basics of Pickup Artistry and seduction. Begin leading your wife more and begin seducing her. . Read the sidebar on The Red Pill, Married Man's Sex Life by Athol Kay, No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover, and the Book of Pook by the enigmatic manosphere blogger of the same name.--

Jttoo · 2016-01-24T02:51:18+00:00

Tell her that you are not her gay BFF. You are a man, and men need sex.

Start working those dread levels. Was the sex good before the marriage?

Be careful that you don't get her pregnant at this point, especially if you are thinking that you might end this marriage. She may get pregnant to try and lock you down.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-01-24T18:04:19+00:00

any attempt to get more than that rains down a hailstorm of accusations about me just wanting her for sex.

Shit test. Own it!

so that I can maybe get a piece of ass from a woman who has denied me at every turn for years on end.

No, so that you WILL get a piece of ass from either your wife or somebody better. Your choice.

Individual counseling is not always a bad idea but you don't have a mental illness or anything like that. You are in the anger stage. It will pass. Use the anger to fuel your self improvement and stop focusing on your wife.

TrainingTheBrain · 2016-01-22T18:15:47+00:00

She's all about snugglz

Why are you giving 'snugglz' for free?

when she has been dead weight for so long?

You've been dead weight too.

How do you get past it? You accept reality for what it is and not what you want it to be.

You need to find comfort in the discomfort.

cholomite · 2016-01-22T18:35:11+00:00

You get past the anger phase by accepting that AWALT. Don't say "I guess it's real", it's fucking real. Your wife treated you no differently than any other woman treats her blue pill beta bux husband. Everything you're upset about is entirely your fault. You don't think she deserves the new and improved you? Then who does? The unicorn you think you're going to find after you get 6 pack abs? She would have shot you down too had you been with her during your blue pill days. Stop being angry at your woman for being a woman. You can be a little angry at society for lying to you, but mostly be angry at yourself for taking what society said at face value.

If you still don't think she deserves you, that's nothing to feel bad about. Dump her and start fucking younger hotter girls. Odds are as you start to improve and up your game she will to. If you want to find a new girl go for it, just don't ever be butthurt because AWALT ever again, now you know the truth, accept it and keep moving forward. It's a bitter jagged pill but it has a sweet after-taste.

bio9 · 2016-01-22T22:03:04+00:00

Honestly for me Martial arts is a good outlet for anger.

It's both a physical outlet and an inward study. I study "traditional" okinawan arts and it forces you to examine yourself....especially if your dojo is grounded in old methods of teaching.

If you don't like martial arts perhaps meditation. Take the time out to focus on yourself and more then just moving and doing. Sometimes doing nothing and just breathing is important.

Your mileage may vary.

SorcererKing · 2016-01-24T07:44:26+00:00

Lots of good advice here. I'd only offer you the MRP Anger Phase, just in case you haven't seen it.

Edit: Also, consider coming over to MRP and joining 60 Days of Dread.

druganswer · 2016-01-25T17:05:43+00:00

Eh... You really need to get to the point where you're getting IOIs from other females that you find attractive and when you look in the mirror you think you look good. Once you get to that point you can at least frame her lack of desire as not being your fault (I know guys hear me out).

I went from getting laid the most I ever had in my life (yay getting in shape - and this was pre RP), to dating a girl who begged me to fuck her multiple times a day, to a relationship, to a dead bedroom, and now I'm back in almost as good of shape as I was at the start and guess what? I get all the sex I want... but it's still not at that same level as the start (her begging me to fuck her, sending me nudes without being asked, her being soaking wet without me even touching her and cumming multiple times every session). Did I fuck up enough that I'm pegged for a bitch forever? I'm not sure. Can I say I'm physically where I was when we met? Not quite, but I'm damn close.

Was I angry for a long time? Yes. Every time I noticed her trying to manipulate me. Every time I felt disrespected. Blah blah blah... let's just say a lot. I think that really I was lacking confidence in myself (and I guess it was this new found sense of reality fucking with my emotions as well). Now when this stuff happens... I laugh, like "oh here we go again." I'm strong without lashing out in anger and we both basically accept that I am the leader or as she sometimes says, I "get my way" or I "make the decisions."

But the real reason I'm not angry? I guess I value myself now. I don't expect things from her that I know she can't give. And I don't feel stuck as in she's the only girl for me or she's the best/only option I have. I'm sure when it's over it will be another reality check (and test of my progress) for me, but I know that my life will continue on much the same as it has been for the past however long.

become the man I want to be, work my ass off in the gym for months on end so that I can maybe get a piece of ass from a woman who has denied me at every turn for years on end.

Do it for yourself. Be the man you want to be because that's what you want. If you have good goals and achieve them you won't be worried about getting a trickle amount of ass from some woman who has denied you for years... she'll need to be worried about you getting plenty of ass from strange girls you meet every day. If she comes around, great. If she doesn't? Well, you're not in the worst spot single and in the best shape/place in your life you have been so far, right? It's about you, not her... don't forget that.

2016-02-02T01:30:17+00:00

You sound like a 15 year old girl discovering her boyfriend watches porn when you complain about her getting turned on over a sex scene. I take it your imaginary sex life revolves around you wife?

whinemoreplease · 2016-01-24T10:05:12+00:00

have you been fucking other women? because it sounds like you've pretty much relegated yourself to one option, and that option's not panning out. now you could just bitch about it, or you could do something about it.

Title	The anger phase.
Author	hambley
Upvotes	4
Comments	29
Date	January 22, 2016 6:02 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/426psa/the_anger_phase/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/the-anger-phase.207709 https://theredarchive.com/post/207709

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