Being Blackmailed, please TRP I need your help.

Ojisan1 · 2015-02-18T03:18:39+00:00

You might want to contact these folks to see if they can help.

http://www.thefire.org/resources/submit-a-case/

leopoldvonleopoldson · 2015-02-18T02:50:03+00:00

Start recording your conversations with your phone in your pocket until you have evidence. Preferably several instances of her talking about her plans to lie in order to have you kicked out of school. Once set, go on the offensive and bring the evidence to the dean and get her chucked.

leredditarmy5000 · 2015-02-18T03:58:08+00:00

I've had a crazy chick like that once. I dropped TRP act and immediately changed gears.

i deliberately turned into an annoying, needy, beta. She pitied me and would do anything to get rid of me. Worked in like 1 week lol

Come up with some sob story so she feels too guilty to blackmail you then get her to leave you

RP_Since_Birth · 2015-02-18T03:51:40+00:00

Don't contact her ever again if this is true.

Also, this story sounds fake.

Red-Zen · 2015-02-18T03:52:26+00:00

And they wonder why men have gone "on strike."

tepper2 · 2015-02-18T04:07:45+00:00

Sounds like a troll.

If its not: Go completely no contact. Go to the counseling services for your school and get on the record immediately. Having it documented will go a long way if things get out of hand. If you're on record before she pulls some shit, it will save you from the worst.

Edit: also, do not record anything without consent. Its not only inadmissable in courts (usually) it's often illegal.

DanReggins · 2015-02-18T03:33:36+00:00

Get a lawyer ASAP and see if you can find someone in the university system who will advocate for you when -- NOT IF -- the shit hits the fan. Gather any evidence that you can to show that your relationship was normal.

You then need to break it off with her in as clean a way as possible.

For the future, I would seriously consider not fucking around with any girls at your university if you can avoid it. It's a different day and age now. Women can retroactively withdraw consent.

Goldfulgore · 2015-02-18T07:50:47+00:00

Next her fucking ass. She is abusing you.

gdrfgsed8228 · 2015-02-18T09:05:34+00:00

op, most of the comments are for cutting contact. that's solid advice. however, i'm going to play a little devil's advocate on why that might not work as expected. not to say that breaking contact is the obvious choice, it is for sure, but there are some considerations. first, let's just say that she seems controlling, she wants control, something like the overly-attached girlfriend. she's not trying to break up with you, she wants you around, just on her terms. and she knows that you're at a disadvantage.

if you break, and her roomies are as twisted and loyal to her as you describe, and she is as abusive as you describe, then you need to think for a second that she might go full batshit crazy and get you in trouble at your school even after breaking up. she can just say that 'this happened, and i broke up with him after he was violent and aggressive'. the dean would be unlikely to question her story, for reasons i think we all know.

consider your options. what if you got on good terms with her and her roomies, then broke it off. this is a game (a serious game, but a game nonetheless) so if you played along and pretended to buy into their bullshit (don't apologize or any of that stupid shit) by just engaging in more conversations with them. making them feel included, and that you 'get them'. tell them stories that would associate your behavior with male feminist white knighting shit. you know, just basically tell them what they want to hear. don't actually do any of it. then 3 weeks later, bam, you tell her that you just got bad news in the family that your 3rd favorite cousin (make some good shit up) got into a car accident. you need time to sort out your life and focus on school blah blah blah. now this is important, break up on good terms, then stay on good terms for some period of time after that.

now, well before you break up and do all of this, like right now, you go talk to your dean or school counselor or someone you trust there. tell them what this bitch is doing and how she wants to ruin your life, and lie about you, and have her friends lie about you. tell them that she's obsessed with you and told you that if you leave her, that she doesn't care who she has to go to or what she has to say in order to make your life hell. get it on record that you're 'afraid', play the victim all the way.

now, these are just some thoughts on an alternative strategy to consider. also, if you're going to record any conversations with her for later purposes, i'm not telling you to do that, but if you do decide to, then just don't let anyone know because it might not be legal in your state. that might be best left to a lawyer, if it gets that far, preferably a lawyer who understands that your phone accidentally was left on while in your pocket during this particular discussion.

TUKINDZ · 2015-02-18T13:26:14+00:00

Stop calling. Let her put 100% effort into the relationship, put 0. Let the relationship die slowly. Go out with your boys; this relationship was over the minute she even threatened going to the Dean.

Don't break up with her right away. Bore her to death. Stop fucking her.

secret_barber · 2015-02-18T14:10:39+00:00

If you hard next (zero contact, zero response), she will lose her mind and give you every opportunity to document her insanity for your own protection. Save every message and record every attempt to talk to you. Simply pretend you do not know this girl. Never say a word to her again.

Watermelon_Salesman · 2015-02-18T13:54:46+00:00

This too cliche to be true.

asd1100 · 2015-02-18T06:52:10+00:00

record her and kick her to the curve afterwards.

Have an actual conversation about this shit, tell her you are concerned with her threats, get a confesion that you have never been abusive and get her confesing about her intention to make shit up for good measure.

You can even try to get a restraining order if she wants to play hardball. It will clean your name of her subsequent slander afterwards but it will make you public enemy no 1 for all the rabid feminazis. So it's not a across the board win.

rebuildingMyself · 2015-02-18T08:06:22+00:00

You need to demote this woman immediately in your mind. Any woman that wants to take advantage of the system against you is not relationship or even plate material. Once a woman weaponizes such things she needs to be considered a threat. No pussy is worth potential expulsion or jail.

I don't know if cutting all contact is an option in a college environment, but that's the best solution in an ideal world. In reality it can be a bitch if she's potentially crazy or influenced by crazy around her.

So you can start by recording everything as mentioned in other posts. Conversations, phone conversations (some great apps can be set to auto record certain people). She's stupid enough to verbally state her weapons against you so this shouldnt be too hard to catch.

You will need to bore her away from you. Look up "gray rock method" which basically means full on beta game. Be boring and she'll justify the break up eventually.

Start distancing yourself from her slowly over time. Stop initiating all the conversations and dates (not completely at first). When you do intiate it's always started by bitching about your work or studying. Be dull in your responses and cite school stress (be extra whiny about it as well). Start having less sex with her (all the while saying you're tired or stressed out). Spend more time at work or at the library studying so it looks legit.

If she catches on about you backing out slowly you will not give her the truth. You will say you're stressed out about your obligations.

InformalCriticism · 2015-02-18T10:28:08+00:00

I think you just picked the wrong girl. Find another one. Doing it the right way is going to make the difference. Act like a beta until she decides to leave, or tell her straight up that threatening you is unacceptable and hard next her. It's kind of tricky since she is shit testing you by fucking with your education and reputation.

If you can't next her, for whatever reason, get evidence of her plans to blackmail you/lie about your relationship, and seriously consider getting a lawyer. You absolutely have to be proactive in this situation; you can't let her make the first move in this situation. The simplest solution is to inform the dean that you have ended the relationship because of the threats made against you, and it would help to have some kind of proof of this. Text messages, video/audio recordings would go a long way to make you a credible witness of the events.

Good luck shaking the crazy.

RBuddDwyer · 2015-02-18T14:07:36+00:00

Go to the dean first and tell him you are being blackmailed. Have her charged with code of conduct violation for blackmailing you. Beat her to the punch and use the system against her. This will muddy the waters and it becomes a less clear cut case at that point. Hard next the bitch, she ain't worth it. Date somewhere outside the school's code of conduct jurisdiction. Betches ain't worth getting kicked out of school.

StasisNation · 2015-02-18T16:37:54+00:00

Hey, this is $18 Just to give you idea for options.

Here is your plan.

You WILL start recording your conversations here on out. Use your phone, a pen camera, whatever. Get evidence of what's happening. Have a friend stand by a phone if you can, or near you listening when you and your girl are arguing. Beyond that, minimize contact with her except when you can't.
Once you have clear evidence that she's blackmailing you, take it to your Dean. The important thing is that you strike first. Just fess up, tell them you're being blackmailed by her, and ask for help. Present evidence. Tell them you just want it to end peacefully.
Tell her it's done, you've shown the Dean evidence she's being a twat, that you've recorded every interaction with her, and you're going to continue doing so (And you should be). Tell her if she says anything, it will go legal. Keep everything you've collected and tell her goodbye.
Keep in case she tells whoever whatever. You'll have evidence and the Dean on your side. If this shit goes nuclear, you're going to have to shell out time and money in court because any College court probably isn't going to help you, and if they do anything to hurt your academic standing then you're going to have to go for that court too.

Tl;Dr You're experiencing one of life's lucky shitstorms. You'll feel better if you have a concrete plan of action, and you'll sleep a little better. Research your state's recording laws while you're at it. and don't be afraid to ask the police for help in regards to what you can do about it.

MordorsFinest · 2015-02-18T16:50:06+00:00

Break up with her, better yet make her break up with you by being lame rather than scary.

biccidoo · 2015-02-18T16:30:50+00:00

Record the crazy bitch, talk to someone in authority at the school, then cut all ties with her...

spexer · 2015-02-18T16:45:53+00:00

immediately start your own papertrail documenting your perspective. See a lawyer. send emails to someone you trust about the situation.

Then, have this conversation with her again and record it.

In fact, until you get out of this, you should record every conversation. (live and on phone).

You need to get out of this relationship and never look back.

cos_2 · 2015-02-18T17:05:46+00:00

I have never been violent with this girl, only assertive and stoic.

Assertive, maybe, but stoic? Hah. Hee. Hoo. Stoic isn't what happens when you try to get someone else to change their habits to suit your wants. I'm sorry but the correct answer to your girlfriend being unwilling to lift a finger- literally turning down the music late at night- is simply going back to your place.

What should I do TRP? I am worried that I will have to appease her for the next 2 semesters of college to make it out of here with a degree.

That's certainly an option. At the bare minimum I'd bug yourself and start recording any text or phone conversations you have with her. There's reasonable chance the college won't give a fuck- since you basically have no rights in a college tribunal- but you'll at least be able to protect yourself in criminal proceedings.

At most I'd build a case and then take it to the dean before she does anything.

And I'd go read something about Stoicism before you use that word again without really knowing what it means.

EDIT: I think it goes without saying that you should be dumping her as soon as reasonably possible. Its hard to ignore manipulative behavior.

DeaD_bAU5 · 2015-02-18T06:01:01+00:00

dude just stop talking to her she is obviously bat shit crazy.

Abundance mentality, and don't stick your dick in crazy are two of the biggest rules. You are breaking frame heavily when you raise your voice or show any emotion.

this one is over, go no contact at all and move on.

And don't make the same stupid ass mistakes next time.

flatox · 2015-02-18T14:00:28+00:00

RECORD. Buy a really good recorder. A device solely for the purpose. Invisible through your pants, yet a simple push on the outside of your pocket should start the recorder. (Not so simple that it can accidentally start recording by itself, though.)

This is the world we live in. This is why it's not wise to ever partake in an LTR. Unless you have a vagina, of course.

Then, when you have sufficient evidence of her blackmail threats, leave her like she's a piece of old trash you just put off at the landfill. And do not ever contact her again.

It can happen to us all every now and then that we put the dick in crazy. Just make sure it's not stuck.

RunawayGrain · 2015-02-18T17:19:57+00:00

Get her on tape saying this stuff, if possible.

Title	Being Blackmailed, please TRP I need your help.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	29
Comments	61
Date	February 18, 2015 2:09 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2w9kic/being_blackmailed_please_trp_i_need_your_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/being-blackmailed-please-trp-i-need-your-help.191970 https://theredarchive.com/post/191970

Comments