Ex LTR Begging For My Return

FlyingSexistPig · 2018-07-26T00:51:00+00:00

Sometimes women test the waters because they see other women doing things, or it's something they've read about. They don't know what they have and they don't realize how fragile and special it is.

It sounds like your ex LTR was such a girl. She fucked up. She knows she fucked up.

Normally, I say don't get back together with your ex. But that's because lots of guys give up the power in the relationship when they do this. It's important for the guy to be the one with power in the relationship. If the girl has all the power, it's going to end badly. That being said, it seems like she just wants to submit to you. That's not a bad thing. I would ask her, point blank, if she slept with any other guy while you were broken up. Then look at her face while she replies. Make your decision from that.

I'd say take her back if she fails the question.

[deleted] · 2018-07-25T23:53:55+00:00

Clearly she was testing you. Im sensing that you have a soft spot for her though. She would be ultra submissive if you took her back. That’s always a good thing.

The__Tren__Train · 2018-07-25T23:28:25+00:00

it's up to you do to what you want.

I think it would be a bad idea to take her back.. you've fucked multiple girls during the interim, she has probably done the equivalent.

it would be like trying to piece a broken mirror back together IMO.

sounds like you passed her comfort test with flying colors tho LOL.. it will be a long time before she does that again with another guy.

it's cool to want to have kids, but for the love of fuck never marry.

but as you said, you're a 'natural alpha'... so you knew that part already

Store_Front_Door · 2018-07-25T23:57:42+00:00

You're 24, capable of sleeping with 3 new girls per week. Why would you sacrifice all that just for the wish to have kids someday in the future.

She threw the ultimate shittest at you, but you held steel solid frame and showed her the door. Or so it seems, in reality her nuke actually did damage to your frame, I can tell by your hamster running loops.

I’ve been too alpha/asshole. Everything was my way, with very little comfort from me. I see how I could’ve been a little nicer without being too beta.

Going back wont do you any good, because the dynamic will never be the same. You'd be in the position of "I've realized I treated you badly" and she'll be in the position of power "I don't like your x;y;z behavior". In other words she'll try to betafy you and you'll either comply, or refuse, which will end in another breakup. Don't waste your time (you'll probably do it anyway, so go ahead, waste your time)

fnordsnord · 2018-07-26T00:08:15+00:00

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CAPIreland · 2018-07-26T01:07:36+00:00

Honestly, it sounds as if you don't REALLY care for her, and as much as we pretend thats not a thing around here, everyone wants to be with someone who cares for them, even you, and even her. So, don't take her back. Both of you move forward and enjoy the freedom. Use this as an opportunity to grow and think, if you were meant to be together (ok, it's sappy, but some people dig that), you'll be yours again somehow. Go, live, enjoy, and don't look back.

Chad1738 · 2018-07-26T01:03:22+00:00

Why not? Try it out. See how things go. If things get worse drop her. If things get better keep her. I don’t see an issue in getting back with her. You have the power maybe even push it and make her be more submissive to you. She already knows that if she fucks with you will drop her with no hesitation. And if it doesn’t work out you can easily fall back on other girls. I think this is a good opportunity to get whatever else you might want from her and use this opportunity to set a stronger more dominant frame. Your call really.

ex_addict_bro · 2018-07-26T04:47:13+00:00

She’s probably doing it because she wants validation nothing else and will dump you shortly after you get back to your little beta box on her mind. Or she is a drama queen.

You probably have oneitis.

Nothing good will happen between you two.

thebadmanpuntdbaxter · 2018-07-26T02:15:33+00:00

Be careful romanticizing it, doesnt sound like you are, just watch yourself.

Work out your exact goals. Where you see your life path potentially going where you would look back and be happy with where how it turned out. Think experiences, girls, life chapters in different places, mad gainz, buisiness pursuits, connections through all of it. How will the relationship effect these targets? Could you hit half?

Girls demand attention, costing you energy. Take a swing at how much this one costs now and assume it will increase with time until you give up on your dreams or the relationship. You can negotiate a buyout through divorce.

Kids potentially add security later in life. if you are sucessful, and with where we are headed in terms of automation, its questionable that this matters.

You’ll fuck and it gets easier as you invest in yourself. If you’re smart and driven you’ll make money. If you’re open you’ll travel far and wide and meet more people than you’ll remember.

She might be a cool chick but she’s far from the last one you’ll ever meet. If you’re in loveee it might hurt, maybe for a long time. But physical and mental pain are great at curbing emotional. So much so I’d bet it’s a product of evolution. Maybe you’ve gotta let go of something beautiful to get to the top. Just remember it’s lonely and you never actually get there. Many successful men fall back into monogamy later in life. They would be arguably wiser at this point while drained physically and mentally. When you’re done with a days work you go home. When you’re done with your life’s work, you settle down. That’s almost definately not in your 20s/probably 30s.

justicecantakeanap · 2018-07-26T07:10:52+00:00

"But is it a bad idea to take her back?"

YES.

Andorli · 2018-07-26T11:07:16+00:00

I think she was desperate for comfort, mine has done the same thing. I had a minor accident like that, but you have to realize that in relationships you need to be a bit beta sometimes otherwise chicks do stupid shit like this out of desperation for comfort. I see no reason to not take her back if she is indeed as you describe her to be.

AllenWasLeftOff · 2018-07-26T01:17:56+00:00

Might want to consider toning down the Asshole a bit. If she was justified in breaking up with you over that, then its on you. Perhaps a good angle would be to ask her "why" she wanted to break up. If she says its because you were too Alpha/Asshole, perhaps agree to be a little less asshole and a better partner.

ALSO, make her to agree that if she has a problem that is making her want to break up with you, that she MUST make an attempt to address it before bringing up the "breakup" subject. "Breaking up" is dramatic and if she uses that as a tool for compliance, its disrespectful. You just don't want that to be the tone of things going forward. Reward good behavior, punish bad behavior (within reason and without being a total asshole, It CAN be done subtly).

If shes a good chick and not an AWALT or Tinder skank, hang onto her. If shes committed a cardinal sin, cut her loose and be the CC again until you find another good one.

Playerslife4me · 2018-07-26T02:21:04+00:00

I don't see a problem with taking her back in this situation. I do see a problem with you saying you could be "nicer". If you do take her back you cannot change in anyway. If you give an inch she will try to take a mile. Then you will find yourself in an endless power struggle.

Bedtimeshine · 2018-07-26T05:37:06+00:00

My gut says she wouldn’t be thinking about breaking up if someone wasn’t already line up to take your place.

ahp22trc · 2018-07-26T09:33:05+00:00

I would take her back. Just make sure she isn't screwing around with others. If you get back together. In my book that is an instant reason to dump any gf.

hiddenpleasures123 · 2018-07-26T10:16:30+00:00

She fucked another guy(s). Things didn't work out with the other guy, here she is returning. She doesn't feel bad or a give a fuck about your feelings. Or else, she wouldn't have hinted at breaking up.

Women hate being alone and will do anything to avoid it. The behavior stinks of a rather hoovering mentality. Things will be fucking great at first, but she will do it shortly again in the future.

Cut your losses.

BusterVadge · 2018-07-26T13:32:35+00:00

I immediately started gaming other chicks that I’ve had on the back burner, downloaded tinder/bumble. In the past week I’ve banged two new chicks and have third lined up for tonight. Which is cool.

Good job man... Looks like you did everything right there.

I’ve read on TRP the only time it’s even remotely a good idea to take an ex back is if things ended from being too alpha. Ultimately I’ll be okay without her, just like I was before I met her. But I do want kids at some point, and I know she’d be a good mother and I want to enjoy my time with her again.

Don't try to rationalize. Think about this for a minute - there are billions of women in this world, and you are obviously an attractive, desirable man. Chances are that you're going to meet one that's better than your ex.

recursoinominado · 2018-07-26T13:59:08+00:00

You seem to like being in a LTR like I do. As we know, pump and dump random bitches can be way overestimated, most of the time, the sex isn't that good, you don't care about the bitch, it looks more like masturbating with each other bodies. She seems like a good catch, she acted out, got punished for it and now regret it. You have the power here, if you feel that you could be nicer to her, it's probably true, alphas don't have to be dicks, if she doesn't appreciate it, it's her loss, fuck her. I would give her another chance even if as a plate and if she act out again, drop her immediately and move on.

mrHappyPotatoe · 2018-07-27T00:49:06+00:00

You can give her chamce. But she should earn your trust and prove herself this time. You should make her jump thro hoops long enough so she wont pull this crap later.

I personally would tell her if she wants to be in my life she has to prove and show how bad she wants it this time and i dont know how she can do it. Meanwhile i am gonna date other ladies. If she wants to be my main chick she can be that and i can offer her spend quality time with only her but from now on i need breathing room to also meet new ladies.

chachaChad · 2018-07-26T01:55:20+00:00

Is consider taking her back but bowvis a great time to renegotiate anything you'd like changed. If you want more sex or wilder sex or the ability to keep other girls. Think of the wildest thing that would make you happy and try for that.

daytonbull90 · 2018-07-26T01:09:50+00:00

Is she like most women? Even a hint of hypergamy? Did she piss you off and give you shit tests all the time? Did she end it because you were too much of a dick? Is she a unicorn? Does she want marriage? Do you think she's fucked other guys since the breakup?

bob13bob · 2018-07-27T20:54:57+00:00

i think you need to mix in more comfort tests/beta IF you want LTRS,. In this situation, it's ok to take her back but you ahve to be willing to make concessions/more comfort test. it's a careful balance. If you do take her back and the dynamic is not adjusted, you're just going to ahve the same issues eventually.

you can't be pure assholes and expect GOOD women to stick around. in the end, it's not adversarial, it's a partnership. doesn't matter if she's willing to concde everything. in the end if she's not happy, neither will you be.

okuli · 2018-07-26T05:39:33+00:00

When my wife of five years cheated and I found out - she started crying, begging to not leave her. I said that "ok, we'll continue living together, but I will do it mostly for child's well being". After one year she moved out and said that I'm weak. I asked how's I'm weak? Her answer was: "because you still continued living with me after you discovered that I cheated". Now when I'm more red-pilled I'm absolutely not surprised with that answer, but then I was confused: didn't you beg and cry to stay?

red_matrix · 2018-07-26T00:18:26+00:00

She wanted you back but wrote you a letter of how she could do better? What? That's pretty cold. I'm not sure how this helps her get you back. I dunno man, you broke up for a reason. And now if you get back together you'll be in HER frame.

econquest · 2018-07-26T09:04:35+00:00

OP, could she have had a fling that really (like legit) wasn't her fault, as in, like, she was saying she has a boyfriend and NO but the other guy's game was just waaaaaaaaaaay tooo strong from her, and after like 17 no's and a little wine he outgamed her No?

We all know this is possible but could this have happened? And that is why she wrote she was not sure. Maybe it was just a kiss or something.

because that's how it reads to me given how great things were and then what happened.

could it legit be some guy's fault in this case? (like legit).

women can only put up so much resistance (Honest). It can be outgamed. we all know this.

Title	Ex LTR Begging For My Return
Author	SF68help
Upvotes	37
Comments	58
Date	July 25, 2018 11:22 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/91wyvl/ex_ltr_begging_for_my_return/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ex-ltr-begging-for-my-return.103669 https://theredarchive.com/post/103669

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