How do you deal with loneliness.

Toxik6 · 2019-05-23T03:26:39+00:00

Hatred, it was pure hatred for me. I hated being invisible and it fueled me to not be like that. I spent my time reading, walking and working out, it made me grow immensely as a person and when I look back I only feel pity for time I wasted and gratitude for my oneitis who was extremely honest with me, she told me everything that was wrong with me and actually sent me a message later on congratulating me I did the best thing for myself. Lol I cant be mad at that girl.

Pooddit · 2019-05-23T03:29:44+00:00

TRP is kind of hardcore with the lone wolf, don't need no body, getting pussy only, routine.

Most these guys also have a large social group and support system of people they are not having sex with. You need to find people or organizations that can help you get on your feet, who you can share your problems with. Be a source of support, too.

LokiWantsToPlay · 2019-05-23T01:12:05+00:00

I'm gonna be a cunt and say.. Suffer.

Sorry but you chose to be fat. This is your punishment.

The flip side though, it's possible for you to find a girl, even if you have to lower your standards. You just need to drop this mopey act and start enjoying yourself. People are attracted to fun, so try to be fun

Flintblood · 2019-05-23T03:50:32+00:00

Monkmode. Monkmode will teach you how to have abundance even when you only have yourself and your sweat working towards your goals. But being alone and living life as mediocre usual will not work. The only way to conquer yourself and this lack of inner game is to find your inspiration and spend most of your time putting in hard mindful work to achieve it. Proclaim your personal mission for self-betterment and pursue it with zeal.

[deleted] · 2019-05-23T01:57:28+00:00

Learn to be with yourself. I don't know if it has something to do with how I was raised but I've always enjoyed being alone with my thoughts and doing whatever the fuck I want. Learn about yourself and figure out what makes you tick. The the Mayer Briggs personality test and get some guidance on what your psychological profile says about you. I'm an extrovert and love shooting the shit with people but at the end of the day nothing feels better than coming home to an empty apartment.

As far as getting women's attention, you know what you need to do, so go ahead and do it. That doesn't mean stop until you get to where you want to get. I've been on my self improvement in journey for almost 10 years and I've never stopped getting laid. The quality of the women will be different at different stages of your development but that's the same case with everything else in life.

Also props to you for traveling alone. Keep doing that shit and watch how it makes you grow.

mrmaldoror · 2019-05-23T01:42:24+00:00

Wait until your family falls apart/dies and you grow apart from all your friends, it can get much more lonely.

Also 21 year old you prior to 1950 had other problems then just being "lonely" so toughen up.

garebear19959 · 2019-05-23T05:27:28+00:00

You feel lonely because you don’t like your own company.

the life of a man is usually paved with loneliness.

I don’t have the answer to your loneliness but I can give you my solution.

I noticed that I tried to fill the void by hanging out with people.i couldn’t stand being alone by myself for so long that I RELIED on others company.it was pathetic.i was on the bottom of the totem pole because I was just happy to be around anybody and the neediness showed.i was 320lbs mind you.

After awhile I grew tired of these people.i had a small amount of self respect so I just ghosted them.within two years I picked up guitar,lost 100lbs and joined a Muay Thai gym.

My point is don’t worry about making friends until you enjoy your OWN company and appearance.

Focus on one goal at a time.Weight loss.and you better fucking listen to when people tell you it’s ALL FUCKING DIET.i used MyFitnessPal and got a food scale,ate 1800calories a day.i used to be exactly like you.ask any questions and I’m happy to help.

[deleted] · 2019-05-23T01:48:03+00:00

You are so young. You know the plan. Stay the route. Things will get better. Envision your future self and let that be the hope that guides you through the tunnel of this loneliness.

ReaperX44 · 2019-05-23T04:08:57+00:00

Nothing in life worth having is gonna be easy. Just focus and go through the process. Don't even think about women right now. If you're consistent enough, they'll take notice.

0io- · 2019-05-23T04:14:24+00:00

The good thing for you is you can probably be where you want to be by the time you're 23 if you keep putting in the effort. You can still chat girls up now and maybe you can find some who want to cuddle with you when you're fat, but it will be soooooo much easier when you lose the 100 pounds. A hundred pounds overweight is probably like a minus 6 on your SMV. You're one of the few people on the planet who could realistically increase his SMV by 5 or 6 points in a year or two. That ought to provide you with the motivation. You just have to stay disciplined in the meantime. Shedding 1-2 pounds of fat per week should be your goal.

Just remember your loneliness is a temporary sensation.

You're going to have a lot more energy and your life will be so much easier in every respect when you get rid of the extra hundred pounds of fat. It's like being forced to carry a hundred pound backpack 24 hours a day.

You have to stay the course right now.

We_Are_Legion · 2019-05-23T10:17:22+00:00

Take consistent action everyday. Do not fall into the habit of "preparing to act". Act now. Make friends now. Talk to girls now.

Keep your training and self-improvement consistent alongside.

EDIT: Take care and know that the suffering of loneliness can mislead you. You might form the wrong conclusion and internalize the harmful beliefs from it like "you are missing something" or "need something from outside". Let me convey to you the sad truth that when you get that something (yes, even girls), the relief from suffering will be temporary and unfulfilling. I know that this will not make sense until you experience it, but just know that some cliches exist for a reason.

My own wording of those cliches would be that you won't find inner peace in the results of your efforts, but in the journey. In fact, often only when we get to the results and don't find it as an ultimate cure for suffering, are we forced to give it up. We might find ourselves just drifting into the journey again, out of habit. And then we appreciate the moment to moment. The very seconds.

What you are seeking is a lack of seeking. The permission to become OK with yourself.

At the present, your ego will only give you that permission when you have acquired some outside indicator of success: e.g. girls liking you. It has fed you the lie that some future event will make you happy. Likely, when you get to that external success, you will not be fulfilled by it for long. Then you will naturally start going for the next thing that you are missing.

This is slavery.

Freedom lies in seeking no external validation except from within yourself.

You can give yourself that freedom now, though for someone in the grips of the mind, it can be the most unintuitive thing you have ever done.

Its as unintuitive to our instincts as forgiving the man who robbed us. Or the women who were blessed with love and attention while we were Cain.

Its as unintuitive as going upto a 10 while believing you're a 5 and having fun anyway.

batfish55 · 2019-05-23T11:39:41+00:00

You need to learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Learn who you are. Then it won't be shitty when you're the only person you have to talk to. Also, fuck what everyone else wants you to be. That's frame.

_Last_Man_Standing_ · 2019-05-23T14:25:17+00:00

I don't get lonely anymore... didn't get lonely in years...
I used to tho... I remember it was a proper shitty feeling...
But I can't really remember now how I stopped feeling lonely... hmmm... you gave me something to think about...

Edit:
I think it's my mission that keeps me busy... to busy to get lonely... :)
Find your mission brah...

escapethesolarsystem · 2019-05-23T09:12:30+00:00

Women are not the cure to loneliness. Let me say that again: Women are not the cure to loneliness.

If you try to use them as a cure to loneliness, you will, at best, latch on to the first interested girl and quickly become a beta bux boyfriend. You will also project desperation and lose the abundance mentality that allows you to sit back and carefully choose the right woman (or wait for the 7-9 / 10's) instead of desperately jumping for the first mediocre one that shows any interest.

You need to cure your loneliness first, before you think about women. You need to make friends and / or join a friend group of like minded people who are interested in doing the same things you like to do - preferably a mixed gender group. For example, people who share your hobbies or choice of career.

Right now, you're 21 and you're in Europe. I would have killed for that opportunity. Ditch... err, I mean... nicely say goodbye to your parents and go stay at a hostel. Stay on the continent for a few months and travel around. If you're in western Europe and you don't have the money to do that (it's pretty expensive, though I heard Spain is actually not to bad), check out central and eastern Europe - it's much cheaper and there's lots to see. Hostel for one is around $10 a night and there are buses trains and cheap flights all over the continent. Hit Poland, Hungary (Budapest is absolutely amazing and really affordable), Czechia, Slovakia, Ukraine, the Baltics, etc. There are lots of solo travelers in hostels from all over the world and it's a great way to meet people and make friends. Solo travelers are almost always open to hang out with other solo travelers to go see the sites, hit parties and clubs, etc. Don't even think about approaching women yet, just try your social skills out first with solo traveling guys. Get familiar with making friends with strangers.

Once you're not lonely anymore, then you can start thinking about women.

Also, lose the weight as fast as you can, even normal men (nevermind women) don't like to be around fatties. Do a starvation diet or something. At one point I hit 90 kilos (my ideal weight is about 80 for my height and build) and I pretty much freaked out and just ate tomatoes and cucumbers for a week (lost 4 kilos right away) to get my weight under control. I couldn't imagine being 45 kilos overweight, that's insane. Further (something that is sure to piss of the 'lifting bros' on TRP, despite being true): don't lift right now. It will just build muscle under your fat which will make you heavier and look worse. Or at most, just make lifting a small part of your workout. Focus on cardio - running, hiking, swimming, etc. After you get your weight under control, then you can start lifting to build muscle tone and (if you want) bulk.

DadOnDabs · 2019-05-23T04:47:33+00:00

How many girls have you approached in the last year? How much effort have you out into losing weight in the last year?

Not saying this to be a dick but just emphasizing the point the red pill is heavy on personal responsibility. Everything in your life (for the most part) is a direct cause of the choices and actions you make or fail to make.

Only you can change that OP. Also sorry to hear about your brother.

Soon_As_I_Nut · 2019-05-23T04:49:45+00:00

You HAVE to be ok with yourself internally before it gets better.

thenewyorkmind · 2019-05-23T05:28:14+00:00

I used to feel like a complete loser because I’d spend Friday nights alone or I’d be going out alone until I realized real men are fine with being alone.

Monk mode is there to make you realize you don’t need a woman’s approval to be complete. All you need to do is take your shirt off and get in there. Old school hard work getting your hands dirty working towards your vision (whatever you want it to be). It is the act of pursuing your dreams that is attractive to women not sitting there wishing they were ‘around’ to let you know you’re doing good.

I dont need a woman to let me know I’m a man. I’m a man because I say I’m a man. Don’t need anyone or anything to prove that but myself.

letmereadthatshit · 2019-05-23T07:12:42+00:00

Perfect time to enter deep monk mode 1 year at least focus on the gym build your own business online business is you

nexther · 2019-05-23T08:29:27+00:00

You have to take responsibility to change or you will keep living the same miserable life.

macheagle · 2019-05-23T08:47:00+00:00

May I ask if you’re from a broken home? It usually has a lot to do with it and I can tell you more if so.

Flapfapaway · 2019-05-23T09:23:27+00:00

In loneliness, we find ourselves. Pick up some hobbies, learn skills, make yourself useful for not only yourself but others, volunteer, read, become knowledgable about the world we live in..

Sure losing weight is great but if that's all your focused on, you might get disappointed when girls still arent flocking towards you. I know fat motherfuckers that still have game because they have confidence in themselves and they have skills that make them useful.

I'm not saying to go out and do things you hate, I'm saying dive in to the things you love and you'll see that not only are you happier but maybe you actually meet people with the same interest, possibly even girls that have that same interest. Those girls are gunna be more interesting to you as a result as well.

Tjinsu · 2019-05-23T12:12:57+00:00

If you're not happy with yourself or by yourself, you won't be happy with someone else if that is what you are thinking in your head. Been there done that. You need to get in a position where you feel good about yourself each day you wake up and all the other stuff falls into place much better.

kick6 · 2019-05-23T13:24:56+00:00

There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. The latter is a choice. The fact that you’re externally validated (or invalidated) by the presence of a female in your life causes you to choose to be lonely.

You have GOT to be comfortable alone or you will overvalue any girl that you’re with and slowly drive her away.

ais89 · 2019-05-23T15:39:12+00:00

Take some classes that are social, like salsa dancing or hip hop, or rock climbing at a community college nearby. You'll be killing two birds with 1 stone. You're going to be learning something, doing cardio or working out, and talking to people (and potentially meeting girls).

User-31f64a4e · 2019-05-23T15:58:01+00:00

Loneliness is a symptom of a problematic relationship with your self.

You are looking for some external source to make you happy.
It is a sort of poverty mindset, where your own company is somehow inadequate.

Slaying pussy with PUA will not fix this problem.
Ironically, fixing this problem will magically draw pussy to you even without PUA (because the right things will happen organically).

VasiliyZaitzev · 2019-05-23T15:23:15+00:00

I’m an extrovert. What is loneliness?

chocolatex · 2019-05-23T03:08:04+00:00

i feel you man. gotta put in your dues and work on yourself so that you can be happy. once you can make yourself happy you will find someone worthy of sharing your time. just dig into the lonliness. youll neer get times like this to yourself later in life when youre married and your posting here about how your wife wont leave you alone lol. youve got your parents man being lonely and living with them just made me appreciate them more. ive learned so much in the last year of living with them than the first 18 growing up!

dutchgguy · 2019-05-23T16:29:21+00:00

get friends

Title	How do you deal with loneliness.
Author	iaskanonquestions
Upvotes	105
Comments	63
Date	May 23, 2019 1:09 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/brwwhl/how_do_you_deal_with_loneliness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-you-deal-with-loneliness.239280 https://theredarchive.com/post/239280

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