I forgot how to have fun.

vengefully_yours · 2016-03-22T23:02:13+00:00

Balance. That's the thing you're missing.

You think frat bro is having fun constantly? You think anyone is? Those pics are a single moment in time, it's not how his life is all day every day. You need to have fun, do shit you enjoy doing, and get back to work building your future. Balance the two.

All through my life I've worked, but I had fun when I could. Especially during the fucked up parts of my life, like the wars. I'd find a way to have fun, and it rarely included alcohol (except as race fuel) but was always something I enjoyed doing. 8 months of zero days off, working 12 to 16 hour shifts, 7 days a week means you need to find something to do during your shift to amuse yourself and make it fun. You can remain serious, and still have fun.

Building takes time, but you can burn out, lose the edge and when that happens you're easily distracted and less effective. So to combat that, you plan in some distraction, enjoy it for a bit, then get the fuck back to work, because shit won't make itself. It needs to be balanced or one will overtake the other and everything will suffer.

Go have some fucking fun.

Zealous_One · 2016-03-22T20:47:05+00:00

It happens sometimes. Try to find that "fun" all around you, or better yet, replace it with joy of being alive, seeing it all unfold and playthrough. Since discovering RedPill, I haven't felt unhappy or bored, not once. Just the thought of the fact that I'm a masculine man is enough

huge_gap · 2016-03-22T20:59:03+00:00

Maybe not quite on the mark but in a similar vein. I've been doing a lot of tinder over the last six months and found I was becoming the "cool stoic dude" during dates. I would be very reserved, always go dutch, and constantly search for something witty or clever to say at all times while forcefully initiating kino whether i was feeling it or not.

After a relevant post on TRP opened my eyes, I changed my approach during dates and decided to cut loose and have fun. Before each date I would remind myself verbally to be passionate and light hearted. It didn't take long, but I started to emulate and actually feel like that type of guy. After doing this I noticed the quality of women and level of fun during a date increased and I got laid on a more consistent basis.

TL; DR: At least for me, sometimes you have to physically coach yourself to act a certain way and eventually it will feel natural. Similar to how doing the superman pose for a few minutes a day can transform your posture and confidence. For you, it might be to cut loose every once in a while.

ShounenEgo · 2016-03-22T21:57:23+00:00

Your first error was that, besides all that education, you actually believe that people are happy because they cherry-pick moments of their life that emphasize it, all the while they have a pack of bad choices and problems to deal with. Social media as a platform allows you to do that.

Now, what I'm bothered with is your statement:

I know /u/Archwinger [+4]'s going to tell me that life isn't about having fun or being happy all the time, it's about doing the right thing, wherever you set the subjective standard for right and wrong. And I have my standards that aren't subject to change.

Being told how to live your life doesn't make it your life. But to make things worse, you go ahead and pretend that the standards are yours and aren't subject to change. You're deliberately and willingly cement yourself to beliefs and assumptions that guide you to your life. These aren't "am I eating pizza or spaghetti?" questions, but "is this what I want to do for the next 10 years and is it fulfilling?".

I know that people try to fit in and find ultimate answers to their questions through nihilism and self-improvement towards more riches and bitches, but you gotta sit down and ask yourself what YOU value most. Going on a path because the majority of ANY group says it's preferable is wrong.

Treat opinions as suggestions, not rules. And be more adaptable when things don't work as you might have expected.

Lofibasking · 2016-03-22T23:28:57+00:00

You seem to be in a rut, maybe even mildly depressed. Know that this and the ability to have fun are all effects of the chemicals in your body and how they affect your brain. You can't force a broken leg to hold your weight, neither can you force a deprived mind to enjoy life. Don't beat yourself up for this, it's not your fault, and remember that things can be better. Make sure you're exercising regularly and don't be afraid to talk with a doctor about this.

Being of healthy body and mind we each find joy in different experiences. Don't expect to derive fun from the same sources as everyone. Discover what interests you, what you're passionate about, immerse yourself (tip: productive hobbies are more attractive), and seek out others who share your interests.

Tips for living a more exciting/fun life:

-When confronted with a choice lean towards adventure; Stay at home or go out with friends, go out. Raining out, stay under cover or run across campus, run through the rain. New location, google maps or ask around, ask around get lost ask new people.

-Be spontaneous; Craving tacos, go get some. See that girl, talk to her. Fat ass directed at you, smack it.

-Always try something new; Weird teriyaki cheesy mango avocado burger as advertised, try it. Concert with band you've never heard of, try it. Sixty-nine with a cute girl upside down, try it.

Hope this helps.

Edit: spelling

stonefit · 2016-03-22T23:10:07+00:00

You've been "working so hard, and for so long"? Dude, fucking get real. You're 21. Call me when you're 35 and let's chat.

LiftingStrongLifts · 2016-03-23T06:52:15+00:00

you've been on here for a year.

here's the first step: get the fuck off trp, reddit, and the internet.

At this point if you're not some autistic weirdo who can't put two and two together (aka /u/xemnas81, etc.; do feel bad for him though) you really don't need a fucking forum to keep telling you what to do. You have this figured out. You seem like a sane guy, I believe you understand this stuff. Move along.

I'm only saying this because I was in a similar phase.

TRP is a weird weird thing. I used to be a guy that had girls into me but in hindsight would basically do my level best to turn them off and say cringey extremely apologetic things until they were sick of me.

Spend too little time here and you're probably cucked. Spend too much time here and you're definitely cucked. You're investing hours of your life to discuss actions of females, spaz at females, analyze females, help other random dudes on the internet with females. Your entire mind, your entire existence, is females. You have them on such a high pedestal already.

Anyone who's life goal isn't to help people and spends more than 1-2 years on here instead of taking what he needs and moving on is letting the feminine imperative win. Having fun and "finding a balance" becomes a bit tough when all you can think of is how hypergamy is an influencing factor in what they say every time 1 out of every 2 humans talk.

It's tough but it's important to know when to move along. Your story resonated which is why I typed this.

450k_crackparty · 2016-03-23T00:54:46+00:00

You think you can only be one or the other? Here is the motto of every successful alpha I've ever met, young or old: "work hard, play hard."

ddiogenesofsinope · 2016-03-22T21:55:40+00:00

Well what's your idea of fun?

unorthodox-solutions · 2016-03-22T23:30:58+00:00

and make some time for women – you get horny, no? A few hours a week devoted to fucking a chick won't kill your schedule, and it'll complement your life.

2016ismyyeartobegr8 · 2016-03-23T09:45:28+00:00

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. Enjoy college when you can OP because there's only a small window of opportunity to be a frat boy. Work hard and play hard. I garantee, you will work more efficiently and harder if you reward yourself with play (be it surfing, night out, hiking, mountain biking, festival) every so often. Also a point about facebook. Facebook will make any mediocre event look amazing. Facebook is a bluff.

blackhornatnight · 2016-03-22T21:09:02+00:00

First step: get off social media and stop comparing your life to anyone else. These people curate their life to make it seem more fun than it actually is. You sound like an awesome guy who is hard working. If you feel you aren't having fun, just put aside a little time for yourself after studying to have some fun. No one is saying go on a Mexican cruise and jump off it with three topless girls - that doesn't sound like you. But maybe hit a bar up one night and just have a few drinks with some friends, or better yet, a girl you're attracted to on campus. You'll enjoy yourself, and you'll feel like less of a loser.

RedPledge · 2016-03-23T03:02:28+00:00

I am pursuing a STEM degree as well (Biochemistry, want to go to pharmacy school) and I feel almost the exact same way you do. Drinking has almost lost its appeal, mainly due to the fact that I need to be functional in the morning. I am beginning to have second thoughts about whether all of this is worth it for the same reasons you mentioned: I feel like I am always working on school while my friends are going out and meeting people, having fun etc. As much as I enjoy my studies, I have to admit seeing all of the less-intensive majors going out and having the time to attend a lot of social events (for fraternities, etc.) does make me wonder sometimes...

B00TYMASTER · 2016-03-23T14:12:14+00:00

It's easy to get lost in the self-imprivement. Find balance, and try to incorporate the things you've gained from self-improving into the "fun activities" that you enjoy. When you see that the 2 lifestyles aren't so different and you make that connection, and once it 'clicks' for you, everything will become 'funner.'

unorthodox-solutions · 2016-03-22T23:30:02+00:00

Stoicism might help. Look into it.

The__Tren__Train · 2016-03-23T01:51:04+00:00

as another poster mentioned, social media has a way of skewing perceptions..

many of my lady friends have profiles full of pictures of places abroad.. you would think they spent their entire young lives traveling.. however, many of the pictures were taken in the same week lol.

more and more pics of them at parties, beaches, etc.. smiling, surrounded by friends.. seemingly constantly.

then graduation comes.. everyone goes home, they no longer talk..and the party is over. here come the interest payments, here comes the stress eating.

many of the girls have gotten fat and are loaded with debt... cynically scooping ice cream at some mom and pop shop for minimum wage.

reality has a way of hitting.. it sounds like you are very prepared for reality.. them? not so much.

and don't compare yourself to others, especially the rich kids. some people will always have it easy in life.. some people will struggle every moment of every day, just to get by.

that's just the way it is.

Title	I forgot how to have fun.
Author	FieldLine
Upvotes	38
Comments	26
Date	March 22, 2016 8:22 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4bj7mk/i_forgot_how_to_have_fun/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-forgot-how-to-have-fun.187 https://theredarchive.com/post/187

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