I've been testing myself in social circles and noticed that my natural self is pretty chilled out. I don't talk much in social groups. Not out of fear, but just out of naturally being an observer. Any attempts I make at forcing myself in-authentically out of that chilled out position comes off forced, needy, and seeking validation because it's not my natural state of being and I'm only doing it so I don't fade out from social groups. It's best to speak when you have something you actually want to say, and in groups, that only happens 10-20% of the time for me. In one-on-one scenarios it's different and I vibe more, while my personality comes out. For example, in the first week of college (for my second degree), I literally did a one-on-one with like 10 dudes, and then ending bringing those guys together and making a group of 5 for frosh week. Everyone was seeking me to "lead the group", but eventually over time, natural personalities took over and I ended up fading out. Even the dudes in the group thought I broke up with a girl and just assumed I was in a bad mood for a few days in the beginning. They found my 1-on-1 personality with them and confidence too different from my faded out self in groups. This fading out continued until I either had to conform with one of the guys who was now "leading" or ditch. I wasn't going to be a follower or give up my boundaries or self-respect for friendship so I reached out once and gaged their vibes and they weren't putting the same investment back so I got the memo. The guy who was the introvert in the group though vibed out REALLY well with me, but as you know, most introverts don't have access to the events. This has ALWAYS been the case. Even with family. The only exception is in groups with other introverts who don't care to talk much either in groups.

So I'm stuck. I tried all the bullshit body language, voice, meditation/groundedness, authentic, fake, "value-giving" bullshit in groups and nothing has worked so far because literally DEEP INSIDE MY BEING I don't genuinely enjoy group conversations. I might enjoy some, but for the most part I'll fade out because I can't vibe when we're talking three or more at a time. I genuinely believe that I'm not built mentally for groups. I thought maybe I didn't enjoy group convos because I sucked at them, but I'm thinking that it might be a combination of both. I've NEVER been in a social circle bigger than 3 people, unless it was literally ALL made up of introverts, or we were friends from individual circles meeting up for a one-off event type of thing.

Any of you guys went through this? At this point, if I can't force social circle or group game (unless I use social media which is toxic af so fuck that shit), and I'm average looking so online dating is a no-go, then my only option where I can train myself and grow as a person and actually get first-hand experience with chicks seems to be cold approach. I'm thinking of just lifting, doing school/hobbies, hanging out with my few close introverted friends and inviting them to networking events or stuff going on at uni or in the city (and being willing to go alone if they can't come through), and then just spending some time every week approaching, and then slowly incorporating it into my day-to-day life. Literally my game with chicks is fucking TRASH. Like I remember dancing and not giving a fuck at a frosh party and this girl was dancing and smiling and excited, and then my dumbass turned around and kept dancing because I pussied tf out. I feel like cold approach will solve one of the fundamental issues.

TL;DR I've been testing myself in social circles and noticed that my natural self is pretty chilled out. I don't talk much in social groups. Not out of fear, but just out of naturally being an observer. Any attempts I make at forcing myself in-authentically out of that chilled out position comes off forced, needy, and seeking validation. So I'm stuck. At this point, if I can't force social circle or group game (unless I use social media which is toxic af so fuck that shit), and I'm average looking so online dating is a no-go, then my only option where I can train myself and grow as a person and actually get first-hand experience with chicks seems to be cold approach. Any advice?