I'm 26. Asian. I never kissed. I never made friends since middle school. I never fall in love. I didn't live life. Almost literally. I moved to somewhere far. It is my first months of living alone here. I've read TRP for probably +150 hours. I experienced some anger, acceptance, hatred. I thought I realized men are made.
I learned some things. You are alone. You need to come to terms with that you need to be able to let go of everything in your life. Life is hard. Everyday you start again. This is your life. You are living it. This is not rehersal. You will die. If you want something you have to go get it. No one is gonna give it to you. It is great that life is hard. It makes sure if you work hard you are gonna get it. and so on. Some things I didn't understand. Why bust your ass off all your life? Is it the best way to live your limited years?
Now I feel like a little kid. The world is a big scary cold place. Life is a bitch. Every single fucking day, you have to fight the feeling of giving up. Every fucking single day I have to pull myself together, I have to talk sense to myself, to be a part of live and get out of my room. I am weak. My ego is too fragile. I'm too fragile. Too emotional. I am a boy mostly. On the outside, I'm very confident according some people and too serious. But once I started to talk without script, you'd say I'm emotional.
I never had any confidence to begin life with. Thanks ma. That's why I comitted my life to something I was good at. That's why I ignored people. That's why I look back and realize I did not live. Can you imagine what that means. Victim mentality. Take responsibiltiy because that is the only way you can change any fucking thing.
I am pushing my body physically. I'm doing all the things TRP says, except talking to more people and talking to women. When I don't feel down, I talk to people as well. But I'm still a boy.
Is there anything else I can do to become a man?
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