Medical student here - please help

CisWhiteMaelstrom · 2015-09-01T16:51:15+00:00

Set boundaries. Within those boundaries, be a nice fellow. As they get closer to being crossed, become progressively less amicable.

bicepsblastingstud · 2015-09-01T16:39:52+00:00

There are many ways to be a leader of men. Only some of them require you to be uncaring.

[deleted] · 2015-09-01T17:25:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Ibex3D · 2015-09-01T17:08:22+00:00

You don't have to be uncaring to be Red Pilled. You can care and be willing to offer help(obviously you're required to do that but I mean in general). If someone get's diagnosed with cancer, there is no need to not be compassionate. You can be stoic and still be kind. I realized I was doing the same thing and not caring about my friends' issues. Just start trying to be more caring. If it isn't natural at first, remember how you acted when you were BP and act like that but just don't show weakness. If someone is dying and needs a shoulder to cry on or a hug or someone to tell them it'll be okay, there is nothing not "Red Pill" or "Alpha" about giving them that.

drtigerface · 2015-09-01T19:42:49+00:00

Hello,

I'm a physician, I've been working for a few years now. I had similar thoughts, it's quite normal. The process of medical training itself is dehumanizing and sometimes demeaning. You work very hard, are treated very badly, and are under enormous pressure to succeed. All the time your loans are mounting and your competition seems to be outpacing you. Burn-out can easily set in, and it can get extremely ugly.

My advice for you is to keep your compassion alive and nurture it. I found that without love of humanity you can't even study effectively. Without actual love of your patient, medicine turns into a cold numbers game. Without love to motivate you, you won't push yourself to be the fully developed physician you should be.

Do you really need to know the difference between microscopic polyangitis, Churg-Strauss, and Wegener's? You won't most likely won't encounter them on the wards or in your practice, so who cares? Except if you get a patient who has one of them, they'll care. They're also probably worth a point on your step1 if that's your motivation.

De Musset's sign, Duroziez sign, Cannon A waves; these are all 19th century leftovers from before we had cardiothoracic surgery. Who needs to know them? Except I saw an old lady who'd avoided medical care her whole life and she had cannon A waves. Chovstek's sign and Trousseau sign are useless nonsense in a time when we can easily order a lab; except I detected a friend's hypomagnesia in his living room with Chovstek's sign.

You'll never work hard enough to pick up the little things unless you really love medicine. You'll never really love medicine unless you love your patients. I'm not a robot that dispenses differentials and treatment plans. I'm a man that uses the full measure of my intellect, training, and humanity to help people at their most trying times.

Red-pill is good sexual and perhaps social strategy, but it's for situations out in the world between peers. The doctor-patient relationship is different. You already hold all the cards, the patient is unhealthy and has come to you for aid. If you keep that in mind, perhaps compassion will be easier to find. Good luck in your studies and in your work.

halfunplugged · 2015-09-01T17:32:35+00:00

As a doctor myself (dentist but whatever, fuck you), I have no problem being compassionate at work and dominant in my personal life. And in reality my dominance has made its way into my professional career quite a bit too, but I blow a lot more smoke up people's ass in my business than I ever would if I wasn't being paid to deliver that service and experience.

I'm more dominant with staff and I find they appreciate a strong leader more than a wimpy boss they can walk over, people (especially dumber people) need and love having rules so they can't fuck up as easy. With some patients I'm more dominant and assertive in my recommendations and it has increased my case acceptance big time. People rely on you to be the expert, so act like it and tell them what they need, not what you think they should consider possibly doing (I had that problem when I first started practicing)

Edit: be dominant/assertive with Your peers as well, and assertive but respectful to your professors and mentors

frequentlywrong · 2015-09-01T18:07:17+00:00

dominant/alpha/uncaring

One of these things is not like the other. No one ever said be uncaring. What we say is put yourself first.

RedPill808 · 2015-09-01T18:26:23+00:00

This comment doesn't address your question, but take heed. I've worked in hospitals for 25+ years. Many women go in to Nursing with the intent of marrying doctors and quitting to become professional shoppers.

I have overheard conversations where they state this plainly and have even heard discussion openly plotting how to poach a wealthy physician away from their wife. I've watched them do it, successfully.

Don't get suckered into putting a ring on a nurse or tech from work!

mrprm · 2015-09-01T19:38:53+00:00

Is there a way to balance these two conflicting behaviours? (Compassion and dominance) Have I chosen a profession that has trapped me into never developing dominance?

Is there a reason you are looking at these as conflicting or mutually exclusive. The best doctors I've had were dominant, they gave me confidence that they knew what they were doing and had their shit under control. Especially when it came to surgeries this was important, I trusted them with my life and knew they would 'handle it'. They were also compassionate about my situation, they were friendly and kind - you can express these emotions without getting 'emotional'. I think you need to reflect on what it means to be dominate. Compassion for your fellow man is never a bad thing. It just shouldn't translate into letting people walk all over you.

black_headphone · 2015-09-02T07:15:24+00:00

Just wanted to thank everyone for their advice. I have decided to use the compartmental approach, treating patients with respect, empathy and compassion, while setting boundaries with my colleagues and in my personal relationships. It makes sense that you shouldn't treat everyone the same way in practice, so despite being 'dominant' with women, it is possible to also be 'compassionate' towards patients/clients/customers.

VirgoRooster · 2015-09-01T18:40:08+00:00

Don't be "nice", be virtuous.

Many of the doctors and paramedics I know are assholes (or "hardasses" would be a better description) but they take their jobs seriously and genuinely want the best for their patients. They're "good" people if not "nice" people.

Think about it this way: If I lop my arm off in a machine accident, I don't want someone coddling me while I bleed out. I want some one to fucking save my life, and me at least, I'd be grateful to the person who could do that. Unfortunately, I know from volunteering a little bit in a clinical setting that some people are dumbasses and will threaten to sue who for ruining their high after you hit them with narcan in the ER (wtf?). The machine is making it painful to be a doctor in that regard but it's still a good profession.

I don't know what kind of physician you are, but you don't need to be supplicating to the point of doing things outside of your scope of practice. Be friendly, be cool, build rapport with your pts, know your shit, explain things well and present yourself well (everybody knows what it's like to got to the doctors, it's rarely a pleasant experience).

Also, being a young medical student is huuuuuuuuge social proof so long as you play your cards right. Bring it up casually or have someone introduce you as one and there's a type of girl who'll be all over that, just remember sidebar material for the ensuing relationship and you'll be golden.

PemBayliss · 2015-09-01T16:32:41+00:00

You need to compartmentalize your work from your personal relationships. You can't use the same tactics and principles at home as you do at work. you can't use the same things on a girlfriend that you do as a physician.

RedPill808 · 2015-09-01T18:29:38+00:00

Sick people need your skills and your caring, but don't burden them with your feels. There's a difference between sympathy & empathy; know how to make that distinction.

SexistFlyingPig · 2015-09-01T19:14:03+00:00

I face the same issues with being in the service industry. How do you provide great service, while still being dominant?

The answer: always be the consummate professional.
1) Know what you're doing. You're a student right now, so the dominant thing is to be better at it than the other students. This means a lot of self-sacrifice and self-improvement. It means studying beyond just getting a good grade all the way to getting the best grade.
2) Value YOUR time. If you're working, you're getting paid for it. If you're spending time with a girl, it's not to hear her emotional diarrhea, it's for sex. If she's not down with that, then trust me when I say there's a line of girls who are DTF a med student, especially one who is even a little alpha.
3) Your job, as a doctor, is to be knowledgable and to be right. There are nurses who are much more compassionate and caring than you are. Develop some techniques for how to handle their suffering professionally. You sitting there, listening to their stories and bawling your eyes out isn't actually going to help them at all, and it will prevent you from doing your job. Diagnosing illness or injury is your job. If listening to their suffering helps you to do that better, then do it, otherwise, don't. You're a doctor, not a shoulder to cry on.

The characters from Scrubs might give you some insight into the expectations that we, as patients, have of doctors.

AtrialSeptalPrefect · 2015-09-01T19:45:45+00:00

Also in the health professions. They tell you that shit because most students are fucking autistic weirdos who don't know how to interact with people. The needs and wants of the patients? Dude, these fucks just want to drink Coke and eat McDonalds. Who gives a fuck what they think.

vindictive_sloth · 2015-09-01T20:29:09+00:00

Compassion is going to mean telling a patient they are dying, and while there are procedures out there that can extend their life, the life that provides is going to be spent in a hospital under various sense numbing drugs that rob life of its meaning. Compassion for your patients will at times mean being a leader of their medical care not their adivser.

momomotorboat · 2015-09-01T21:58:03+00:00

I am not in the medical profession, but I think I can comment. I work in special education. I have to be caring, understanding, compassionate when working, but I am also a TRPer who knows what it's like to have that taken as weakness.

Compartmentalizing is somewhat correct. Identify the people who are worthy of those things from you and give it to them as needed.

When people don't deserve it, don't make time for them. You don't have to be a dick, per se. But just give them a smaller window, or none at all.

Like the top comment said, set boundaries. But think about what that means. Make the boundary real. When they cross the boundary, they are now outside of the territory that gives them access to you. If they are to get back in, they must get your permission.

UEMcGill · 2015-09-01T22:55:08+00:00

Go do a surgery residency. No ones ever accused them of being compassionate.

Good bedside manner doesn't come from touchy-feely shit. It's just like being a good salesmen. You need to be slightly empathic, but not too much. You need to trust your training and instincts and learn to ignore a patient whose bullshitting you. You still need to sell the cure your selling without letting competing interests get in the way.

throwwhatthere · 2015-09-01T23:02:38+00:00

Psychiatrist here. Compassion is a MUST, not just as a doctor, but also as an alpha male. Or, if it makes things easier, think of it in terms of empathy.

It is your job as a doctor and a leader to understand the enotions of those you need to treat and lead. This is what allows them to have confidence in your leadership. A patient must know that you understand their suffering if they are to trust your treatment. Similarly, a woman must know you understand her to trust your leadership.

Thr feminine is a ship upon a sea of emotions, with no captain to steer it through yhe squalls. For a woman to trust you at the helm she must have faith that you fully understand the storm (and better than she does) and how to navigate it.

Without empathy for her struggles she can't possibly trust you lead her through them. But if you show a woman she is safe submitting to you, and better off under your leadership than she is on her own, she will eagerly put you at the helm.

throwaway_holla · 2015-09-01T23:18:33+00:00

I am struggling to balance being dominant/alpha/uncaring with people outside of work

Uncaring? That is not a part of being dominant or an alpha male. That's a big mistake within TRP.

I feel sad to see you struggling between dominance and submission in trying to address your natural human empathy.

Being firm about your own boundaries - which is the foundation of being an alpha male or female - does not have anything to do with being uncaring or unempathetic.

It is absolutely possible to be dominant and an alpha male from a place of caring. This is what being a leader, caregiver, parent, business partner, partner in a personal relationship, or friend is all about! The alpha is the leader, not the bully or tyrant. Study the real definition of "alpha male" and you will get a much better guide.

TRP is a horrible place to try to learn this lesson as it is full of guys who mistakenly think that in order to be dominant, alpha, or practice self-care or healthy boundaries, you must be uncaring or less caring about others.

RedPillJax · 2015-09-02T02:09:24+00:00

You can be as nice of a guy as you possibly can be within your work, and still be alpha.

You set the rules for you life, period.

Freddy_Fedora · 2015-09-02T02:13:34+00:00

You shouldn't be bringing sexual strategy into the workplace. Your job isn't an opportunity to test out your game or your dominance.

Do whatever you want in your private life but when it comes to your job it is always better to be Blue Pill when it comes to dealing with customers or clients. People want to feel like they're getting the good deal, they don't want to be taught a lesson or anything like that.

The fact you're even asking this question is a little silly. Doctors need to be kind and compassionate.

black_headphone · 2015-09-02T17:57:23+00:00

When the shit hits the fan, you either be dominant or the patient dies. It looks like it's the same for anesthesia, surgery, emergency medicine or EMT.

When the shit hits the fan you LEAD.

And you better do it quick.

Or pt dies.

My .25... redpill medicine.

Yes, you heard it. REDPILL MEDICINE.

There's that book of that neurosurgeon (yes, it's him on the cover) http://www.amazon.com/Get-Serious-Dr-Brett-Osborn-ebook/dp/B00J4BK96Q ... it's a very light and very soft primer to a redpill medicine. He could be more harsh in the first chapters for the better effect.

Tl;dr: the reality is, 90% or more of people activley work for their disease. Be it smoking, over-eating, alcoholism, be it drugs and other addictions. We're extremely prone to addiction, as species. And we pay great price for actual substance abuse... or behavioral addictions.

You can fully utilize TRP and 48 laws of power. First, is that 300lbs overweight lady ready to be unplugged from the matrix, can you give her redpill medicine "stop eating and start exercising, your back pain is all your fault!" - of course you can't. You better STFU. 48 laws of power. You want to SAVE THE WORLD? Get ripped, explore nutrition. Make Dr Brett Osborn jealous of yours sixpack.

You can be pretty redpill as a doctor.

And, as you love yourself, as you work on your diet, your sixpack, as you give up your addictions, as you read, study, as you kick the living shit out of your own life, you can actually feel love and compassion for all those poor souls that did not have your guts/knowledge/IQ/passion or whatever to do what you did to live FULL life.

Your profession... man, you DON'T have a profession. You STUDY. You're not a doctor and chances are you'll never be because you ALREADY LOOK FOR EXCUSES NOT TO STUDY. Fuck that. Decide, lead, it's your life.

As for profession, TRP knowledge is, that if you're a doctor you're already seen as a provider. And you know what? FUCK THAT. I'm telling girls that I work at an ostrich farm. Or, that I'm a proffessional chef and my speciality is white snake in underwear sauce (kudos to Action Bronson for that).

I love myself. This actually gives me a chance to feel compassion to other people. I dominate, that's why I easily touch my patients, be it their arm or pat on the back or anything to comfort them. And, if I can touch people I've never seen before, I can touch a pretty girl I've never seen before. It's easy. I know my shit, I know where I've been and I know what I've been through with my own addictions, that's why I provide my patients with VALUABLE information, valuable solutions. Many of them are NOT ready to be unplugged. Many of them won't do SHIT about their health. Many of them activley work to have a disease.

There's redpill medicine and I think we can expect many books on it in the next years. Low-fat diet is bullshit. Many drugs or treatment methods, widely available, are bullshit. PREVENTION is THE shit, unfortunately, that's not where money is. Do you think there's money in TRP or MGOTW? I don't think so. I also don't think there's money in PREVENTION. You can choose it for yourself but you can't force people to do it.

Stay healthy, stay fresh. Godspeed.

AberdeenRSK · 2015-09-01T18:52:44+00:00

You don't need to be compassionate to be a good doctor. You need to effectively treat and get the patient feeling better to be a good doctor.

frequentlywrong · 2015-09-01T18:12:04+00:00

You know that how many malpractice law suits doctors get has very little to do with how good of a doctor they are? It mainly depends on how nice they are to their patients. Even if you make a mistake, if your patient feels comfortable around you he will not resort to nasty actions.

What you were thought is absolutely correct. That does not mean you should be a pushover.

Title	Medical student here - please help
Author	black_headphone
Upvotes	13
Comments	36
Date	September 1, 2015 4:26 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3j8iml/medical_student_here_please_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/medical-student-here-please-help.153268 https://theredarchive.com/post/153268

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