Potential LTR I’m seeing asks me a hypothetical question about vacationing with friends

rad_dynamic · 2020-05-04T22:33:36+00:00

Sounds like she's trying to get a boyfriend but also stay single at the same time.

I had one of these LTRs. No good.

It will fuck with your mind. You will get called a control freak for you not wanting her to "have friends". You will engage in stupid behaviour like spying.

Either LTR or a festival without me

VasiliyZaitzev · 2020-05-04T22:30:57+00:00

”You already know the right answer to that.”

Alt.

”You are free to do as you please, however, my girlfriend does not go to music festivals with her single friends and not me.“

When she ask you about being a control freak simply respond, ”As I said, you were free to do as you please, however....”

beholdthemaverick · 2020-05-05T00:34:08+00:00

Here’s the textbook situation of what happens when you LTR girls like this:

She’ll start gaslighting you with the ferocity of a politician on a smear campaign.

She’s going to say the right things to keep you committed, but her actions are going to tell a different story.

You’ll start questioning your own self-esteem and sanity cause your hamster is rationalizing her fuckery to avoid the BP shame of being ‘controlling’™️

And because you’ve caught feelings you feel as if you just can’t leave “after everything we’ve been through”

You’ll try to make it work by “compromising” or passive aggressively trying to ‘make’ her respect your boundaries that she keeps electric sliding all over.

And cause you have no frame, you’ll fold to keep the peace and it’ll eat away at you.

Not worth it IMO.

Your gut knows what’s up about this chick.

OP, the fact that you’re even posting this shows that you know in your gut what you need to do.

Not every woman is relationship material.

Also remember that women vote with their feet.

rugged79 · 2020-05-05T06:21:41+00:00

Women don't travel for dicks, dicks just happen. Then they don't count.

u/Bruchibre

this is real talk.

none of that sex will count because they were not looking for it, and they told ALL those guys that sex was not going to happen.

so they went to his place, and said again, "sex isn't gonna happen." but then it does... and it was HIS FAULT-not hers.

and she comes home and tells everyone..."i met this hot guy and went to his place, but i told him... sex was NOT going to happen; so we just chilled and talked." the WOMEN will know what that means. 97% of the guys i know will think NO sex happened.

fellas, if you learn nothing about female nature, please understand this concept: to women, they can LITERALLY discount sexual encounters and forget them. "it didn't count," is real in female world. it's silly, but it's true to them.

u/omega_dawg93 in response to u/bruchibre

She'll probably try to get you to pay for Coachella tickets in October. Fuck that.

_the_shape_ · 2020-05-05T00:39:40+00:00

Here's what you keep stored away in your noggin should an occasion like the one you've described ever arises:

"Go ahead, live it up, have the time of your life out there, but don't expect us to be a thing whenever you get back"

And if she tries to hit you back with the "...but that's not fair! You're dropping an ultimatum on me!" nonsense, insist that you are giving her the freedom to choose, but no, just because she wants X (tour Europe for 3 months/become a webcam model/turn the relationship into an open-relationship) doesn't mean she gets to also keep Y (namely, you in an exclusive LTR).

You have standards. She's free to cross the line, but not bounce back and forth without any consequences.

ViolentInteger · 2020-05-05T00:06:36+00:00

A woman who would cheat on a vacation without you would also cheat when a guy hits on her at the grocery store. The solution to both scenarios, then, is to only LTR women who show greater loyalty to you (note that this loyalty is never absolute; it is relative, and there are plenty of women won't/can't respect you enough to resist that temptation. Those women should get eliminated during your vetting process).

In other words, if you vet your LTR properly, and you pay attention to her primary motivators, you'd have nothing to worry about when she goes anywhere without you. Grocery shopping, girls night out, and even bachelorette parties in Vegas.

Now, a separate issue would be if she goes off alone to do something you're normally interested in. A good LTR would want to spend her time following your lead through life. But if these music festivals aren't your thing, and you don't have your own plan at the time, then its perfectly fine for her to want to do something with her friends. While she's gone, you can put that extra time to good use.

In hindsight I shouldn’t have said the uncomfortable bit

Correct. You showed insecurity, which effectively tells her that she can do better than you. Nothing to do about it now... just learn for next time and move on.

notWhatIsTheEnd · 2020-05-05T04:21:08+00:00

If she's asking she either A) knows that she shouldn't be doing this or B) already went thru this very situation (or had a friend who did), see A.

skizzum97 · 2020-05-04T23:16:25+00:00

I'd say "give me one good reason why you would be going to a music festival without me if we were in a relationship?"

If she doesn't STFU at least you'll hear some crazy hamstering lol

UEMcGill · 2020-05-05T12:53:18+00:00

"Potential LTR"

That's the real key here. This is where you put the woman on a pedestal and fucked up.

High-value women will constantly demonstrate their worth to you by trying to keep up with you.

I see too many young guys trying to elevate women to their standards only to be disappointed when she fails. If you want an LTR you should have impossibly high standards. You should have a set checklist for denial of promotion, and those standards should get progressively harder and harder. An LTR is a 1% girl; filter accordingly.

A 1% girl would never have said "What if" she would have been actively demonstrating to you "I would never go without you..."

When girls do deliver those kinds of messages, take them as the data they are. Neither good nor bad, but another data point on which to filter her.

The other thing to note is what she really asked was, "how would you feel?". Not what would you do? I wonder if it had some tinges of shitty comfort test.

If I wanted to play the game, I would have flipped it back on her, "Hmm, how do you think I would feel?"

Let her build her own dread.

cumberger · 2020-05-04T23:04:11+00:00

literally just a look. that’s all you need.

TheChinkLord · 2020-05-06T09:55:53+00:00

Just go on your own music festival and with your own friends! Make sure to make a LOT of friends there. It’s always good to have frens!

RepresentativeMood2 · 2020-05-04T22:24:46+00:00

"No problem, I would also go with my female friends. What, are you an insecure control freak?"

H_Crush · 2020-05-05T10:42:35+00:00

you've been seeing her onlynfor 3 months and the question indicates that she's not an LTR for you. I answered something like this to a similiar question: "I like you, but I don't think we'd work exclusive, since I wouldn't want my girl to go to trips without me, but I understand you want that and that's perfectly fine." We dated and she wanted to be exclusive, but she had major red flags anyway and I couldn't trust her.

you have to understand that you can't be afraid of losing her after saying this and if you have the "she has an expiration date" mentality, you won't. the thing is, she has to not want to want to go with her friends instead of you because she doesn't desire/need it and not because you won't like it, otherwise she'll resent you for it

downvotesanimals · 2020-05-05T01:36:04+00:00

You should probably just run and hide. A man can't be expected to respond to his LTR's ideas.

Title	Potential LTR I’m seeing asks me a hypothetical question about vacationing with friends
Author	OpenParr
Upvotes	17
Comments	32
Date	May 4, 2020 10:07 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gdl9pz/potential_ltr_im_seeing_asks_me_a_hypothetical/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/potential-ltr-im-seeing-asks-me-a-hypothetical.660275 https://theredarchive.com/post/660275

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