So yesterday I was speaking to a friend who was in town (well close). He was staying in a hotel in Connecticut (I live in NYC so it's pretty close) and he wanted me and another friend of ours to come see him. I asked him for the directions and sent it to me via text. The directions seemed oddly familiar, like I've been here before.

Anyway, my friend came and picked me up and we went on our way. As we were nearing our destination, it hit me, I knew exactly where we were going. My friend was staying at a hotel me and my ex stayed on our first week away from home almost 4 years ago on this same week.

We finally arrived in the city of Stamford and as I looked around and saw the hotel, the park, the buildings in the vicinity, places where we took pictures at--pictures I still have in a flash drive somewhere--I started getting a knot in my throat. It got worst as we started walking the hallways of the Marriott. I saw where me and her ate breakfast, worked out, sat and talked. All I could think was, "out of ALL the hotels why did you have to stay in this one?"

I know I came to see an old friend, but all I wanted to do was go home and lay down. My friends started noticing my strange behavior and asked if I was OK. I said, "I'm cool...".

We immediately left and went back to NYC and spent the night over here, however I haven't been OK ever since.

It's been 2 years since the break-up and it still feels fresh, especially after yesterday afternoon. Every time I think of that relationship i'm reminded of the biggest mistake in my life, I can't believe I fucked that up.

I don't think i'll ever let this one go, no matter how much I read Red Pill philosophy. She was a great partner and a good friend, I wish I could just delete those memories.

Why doesn't this pain ever leave?