In a lot of my previous posts and discussions with guys from this subreddit, I’ve started to notice a common theme. First they’ll do the “simple” part. Guys will take some time to build a somewhat attractive, optimized profile, match with a beautiful girl, send her a witty canned opener that gets her to respond, then… what?

What do you actually talk about? How do you move the conversation from the opener, to the point where you’re actually meeting her? The thing is, for making your profile and coming up with openers, you can get pretty far just following general rules and guidelines. You don’t actually have to use your brain for any of that, just put effort into your pictures, follow some simple opener formula and you’re golden. But then, you get dropped into an actual conversation over text, being completely lost as to how you go from “Hi” to actually seeing her, not to mention getting her to come over for a hookup if you’re into that sort of thing.

The goal of a text-conversation on a dating app or in texting a girl who’s number you got from cold approach etc. remains pretty much the same. Make her excited and motivated to meet you So how do you actually do this? 

You begin with building investment. What this actually means is you’re getting the girl invested in you, the potential relationship between the two of you and the idea of meeting up. And believe it or not, you do that by talking to her. 

I’m going to give you 3 general principles to follow. As I’ve said in previous posts, I almost detest “lines”. Knowing you have to rely on copy-pasted lines instead of being creative and learning how to come up with shit yourself, will forever keep you stuck. Which is why I won’t give you lines. I can promise that with enough practice, you’ll develop your own style for texting that’s both effective and natural for you. But, practice doesn’t make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. So here’s what to keep in mind:

#1 - Relevance to her

During your conversation, you want to keep it focused on topics and things that she has some interest in. It’s unfair, I know, but as much as you’d love to talk about football, the sick mod you just did to your car or your warhammer figurines, if she doesn’t give a fuck about those things, you aren’t getting a response. 

Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t share your hobbies, interests and passions with a girl. Sharing those things is great, but I’d recommend leaving most of it for the date. Undersharing is always better than oversharing, since it builds a little curiosity and mystery in the girls mind. 

BUT, often you’ll get a case where just by looking at her profile, you can’t actually tell if there’s anything particularly interesting about her. Then what? 

You guess. You just throw shit out. 

She has glasses? 

“Guessing you’re into books with those cute librarian glasses”

And after that, if she bites, keep the conversation on that topic for a while. Erratically switching between different topics and only staying on the surface level for each is boring and weird as fuck. 

Doing these types of cold reads is much better and more engaging than just asking: “Do you like books?” or “What are your hobbies?”

Especially with physical stuff like glasses, you’re simultaneously asking about something she might be into and flirting/teasing her. 

You might have to probe around a little to find a topic she’s into though. If you aren’t completely retarded, you can probably tell by the way she’s texting you if she’s into the topic or not. The short, boring answers guys often complain about getting from girls aren’t usually because the girl is boring, it’s because you’re asking her the most boring shit ever that she isn’t interested in. You can’t expect great results without great effort, especially with something as competitive as online dating.

#2 - Flirting

If you only follow rule #1, sure, you’ll get her to talk to you, at least for a little bit, but at some point she’ll either stop responding, or when you try to close for a date she’ll make up some excuse. Why? Because you just friendzoned yourself over text.

If you don’t flirt, escalate or sexualize the conversation in any way, the girl will slowly start losing any physical attraction she might’ve had for you. Women like men who are honest, direct and open sexually. That doesn’t mean you have to be creepy, pushy or forward, but a light amount of flirting is usually necessary, so she doesn’t feel like she’s agreeing to go on a date with a complete pussy. It’s a bit of a paradox, but girls will usually feel better going on the date knowing you have the balls to actually take her home/have sex with her if she wants that. It’ll also make closing on the date easier, since you’ve already built a decent bit of flirting-rapport. 

I’ve posted a guide on escalating conversations before on this sub, it contains a better overview on how to escalate and flirt over text, and the in-depth version of that is in my full online dating guide, but I’ll give you some basic pointers here as well. 

  1. Increase the level of sexuality gradually, look at how she responds. If she’s “ignoring” or not really picking up on the flirting, leave it be. No point in forcing it further, just build some more investment and try again.
  2. Topics that make flirting easy: Outfits she has in her photos, tattoos, anything physical or visual about her. These are easy to lead into a “roleplay” of what would end up happening were the two of you to meet. 
  3. Give her opportunities to flirt back. The best case scenario is always when the girl starts flirting back with you, it makes for a fun back-and forth between the two of you. 
  4. Tease her. If she has something in her profile that could be considered a “red flag” a fun thing to do is compliment her, but then mention the red flag. eg. this girl had a hello kitty tattoo in her picture: “You’re cute but the hello kitty tattoo is definitely a red flag…”. This establishes the frame where you’re the buyer, not the seller. She has to qualify herself to you, not the other way around. 
  5. Combine being serious with humor. If you only stick to platonic/serious topics like what she does for work, her hobbies etc. she’ll probably get bored. On the other hand, if you only flirt with her and try to keep pushing the conversation in a sexual direction, she’ll get grossed out. Try to maintain a balance of both. 
  6. Don’t push too much, if you’re constantly sending her long intricate paragraphs and chasing her, she won’t respect you. THE MOST EFFECTIVE thing I do in texting is when I reach a point of high-investment and excitement in a conversation, instead of responding, I’ll just like her message. She almost ALWAYS ends up double texting me later, usually escalating the conversation further herself (by giving me her number, snapchat or suggesting a date). If she doesn’t double text, I’ll just hit her up the next day and continue the convo, no harm done. Try this out, it’s extremely effective. 

#3 - Direction

A common mistake guys make in all aspects of texting is not knowing when to stop. If a girl reacts positively to some flirting, even flirting back with you, your gut reaction might be to keep it going for as long as possible. While flirting is fun, you need to know when to cut it off and just transition into setting up a date/hookup etc. You should never let the conversation drift aimlessly from topic to topic forever, take the lead and drive the interaction where it needs to go.

You’ll have to use some good old fashion common sense here, but if you feel like she’s responding to you well and interested, just go for the close. I’d recommend a general close followed by a specific close. This means you introduce the idea of meeting up, then if she’s receptive or excited about it you setup the specific time and place. 

ps. Don’t be afraid to invite girls straight over to your place. A surprising amount of girls, even the more innocent ones are actually fine with this if you’ve established a good vibe (and some sexual tension) through texting. And I’ve personally never had a girl that got so turned off from me suggesting we meet at my place that she wouldn’t go on a regular date afterwards.

If she doesn’t want to see you at your place, tell her you understand completely and suggest drinks at a nearby public place etc. Paradoxically this will build even more trust between you since she’ll see you aren’t crazy like most guys and actually take her feelings and concerns into account…

Conclusion

Remember, the best way to learn game, text or in real life is practice. To practice text game, you should optimize your online dating profile as well as you can so that you don’t run out of matches even if you fuck some interactions up (which you will do when learning). With a lot of matches you get way more chances to say dumb shit and learn from it, which is incredibly valuable. I have some introductory posts on optimizing your online dating profile on my reddit page along with a full tutorial in my online dating guide (that just got updated 😉)

Let me know what you thought in the comments! Is this only effective if you have photos in a Gulfstream G450 Private Jet on your Hinge profile? Do you have to be exactly 6’8 to get responses from girls in 2024…? Whatever your thoughts, leave them below and I’ll try to respond! Till next time.