Hey humans

So a lot of pickup/seduction advice usually centres around specific techniques you can use to seem more cool and witty, and while that stuff’s awesome it doesn’t really cover all the bases. No matter how many funny lines or stories you have in your back pocket to impress girls, if you don’t have a strong undercurrent of self love underpinning them then you’ll eventually fuck it up and lose their interest.

Girls have innate confidence detection systems in their minds that in my opinion are sharper than anything us guys have, systems that are always running in the background whenever you talk to them.

If you’re pretending to be someone you’re not it’ll cost valuable mental energy that you’ll eventually run out of. As that starts to happen, chinks will form in your external shell of bullshit bravado; chinks these girls notice and then lose attraction for you as a result of.

This is actually something that happened to me all the freaking time when I was younger until I really realised that I was using canned material as a mask for my damaged self esteem and decided to do something about it. Basically I realised I had to heal myself from the inside out instead of the outside in and you probably need to do that too. If you’d like some actionable tips you can use to build real confidence from that radiates from you naturally then that’s what this post is about. But I’m gonna be honest and let you know that none of the exercises here are easy and none of them are overnight fixes. If you wanted to get in shape physically then you’d need put in proper graft to build the body you want and the same thing is true of mental performance too. But anyway, enough rambling from moi, let’s get started.

You ready?

Here come the pain!

Talk to people all the time

If you want to be good at something you need to do it a lot. It’s how we all learned to walk, talk, write, use PS4 controllers, jerk off, and whistle, and being sociable is no different. Most people are basically confident in situations they’ve mastered and nervous in ones that are new and scary so a great way to max out your charisma is just to talk to a crapload of people until you get good at it. Instead of walking around with blinders on and isolating yourself from the people around you in public, say hey and talk to them. Strike up conversations with old women at bus stops, gay male cashiers in supermarkets, pretty girls in line at the college cafeteria and pretty much everyone else in between. Put yourself in so many new and scary situations and on such a regular basis that your brain eventually goes Hold on! This ain’t so bad actually! In fact I actually kinda like it

That realisation will definitely happen if you push yourself and when it does you’ll be way more confident and charismatic in social situations. Your fear will drop and rather than being nervously stuck inside your own head and filled with self judgement, you’ll be more in the moment and able to express yourself with power.

And on that note, don’t be afraid to have conversations about the things you’re interested in too. Enthusiasm is contagious and you’ll be surprised how many people will be sucked into a discussion about stamp collecting if the person who starts it is deeply passionate about it.

Try this as an exercise: talk to people whenever you can.

Forgive yourself and everyone who hurt you

Forgiveness is huge, so huge that I actually wrote a whole post about it but I’ll summarise it quickly like this. Think of your brain as being a 100 meg a second modem and imagine that being both happy and miserable both take up valuable bandwidth on that modem. The more beefs you have with other people or even yourself then the more bandwidth you’re eating up which will stop you from being free to radiate the good vibes people love to be around.

They say that hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting them to die and from my personal experience that’s really true. When you dislike other people or yourself it’s like a weight that you carry around your neck that you don’t even realise is there until you eventually get rid of it. And when you do, you can’t believe you ever put up with it for so long.

We all have people who’ve hurt us and who we think don’t deserve forgiveness, and maybe we’re right, but forgiving them helps us more than it helps them. And we all have things about ourselves that we don’t like and secretly punish ourselves for. Maybe we fucked over a friend years back and feel guilty about it, and maybe we feel like shit for not living up to some standard of beauty that society pushed onto us. No matter what our reasons for disliking ourselves are, the fact is that we still need to forgive ourselves to be properly happy and help reclaim the innate charisma we were born with.

Try this as an exercise: Spend 15 minutes a day forgiving yourself and everyone who ever hurt you for the next month and see how you feel by the end of it. The results might surprise you.

Be grateful for everything you have

Pretty much every majorly successful person says that being honestly grateful for what you have magnetises even better things to you. It’s kind of like people who are grateful attract great things while people who are ungrateful just repel them. Now I think that’s probably true, but I’m not 100% sure. What I do know though is that grateful people feel happy about their lives and radiate a positive energy that makes other people want to be around them. I do know that ungrateful miserable people who always see the negative sides of life and always have a reason for why a situations fucked are just draining to spend time with. And I do know that once I personally started practising daily gratitude I found it easier to approach girls because I cared way less about whether or not they rejected me, which in turn made them reject me less! So yeah; be grateful for what you have. No matter how bad you think your life is, if you’re reading these words you’re actually one of the most privileged humans who ever lived, born into a time when you have limitless access to knowledge most of our ancestors would have killed entire towns for. You most likely have a family, a warm bed, health, functioning eyeballs, WiFi access, youth, legs and more. Hell, even the fact that you have easy access to this information is a huge deal. In the 90s when I was a teenager I’d have had to trek to a library to find this stuff but today people all over the world are reading this shit on their phones like it’s no biggie smalls.

You’ve got way more going for you then you realise but it doesn’t have to be like that. You can realise what you’ve got to be grateful for. People always say that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, and speaking as someone who shredded the tendons in his right wrist years ago and has never been able to use his hand the same way since, I can tell you that this was true for me. But you know what? Lots of people don’t even have hands, or can’t move from the neck down and remembering that reminds me of how blessed I am. Hell, I could have been fucking killed by that accident but I wasn’t so that in itself is a huge win.

Try this as an exercise: spend 10 minutes reflecting on what you’re grateful for each and every day.

Talk nicely to yourself

So we each have 2 minds, the conscious and subconscious. The conscious mind is the one that’s reading my words in your skull right now and the subconscious is the one that kept you breathing in the background while you were reading without you even realising it. We feel like we’re consciously in control of our actions but actually over 90% of our actions come from subconscious programming we received as kids and that we continue to to install on a daily basis as adults. Here’s how it works. Imagine your brain as being like an iPad with IOS 12 running on it, well the IOS is basically the beliefs you hold about you as a person and what’s possible for your life. When you consciously think thoughts that run in accordance with your established beliefs then nothing changes, but when you think thoughts that run against them then that’s like installing IOS 12.1 onto your mental iPad. Now the new IOS won’t appear overnight, and you will face internal resistance as the established belief system tries to fight to maintain its dominance, but you’ll eventually get there. At some point your sub conscious will accept the new programming.

In any event, my basic point is that you have to be very mindful of how you talk to yourself because your subconscious is always listening to your thoughts. If you call yourself a loser or uninteresting then that’s exactly what you’ll believe yourself to be, and how do you think girls will react you you when you’ve got that belief running in your mental operating system? How do you think you’ll react to them when that’s the way you see yourself?

Try this as an exercise: whenever you catch yourself putting yourself down in some way, flip it, reverse it, and say something positive instead.

Write a daily journal of your feelings

You know how babies are able to just cry and scream their eyes out for a few minutes and then go right back to normal afterwards? Well that’s because they actually allow themselves to feel their emotions instead of bottling them up, which is the exact opposite what adults tend to do. Repressed emotions weigh us down just like beefs with other people and negative self judgement do (maybe they’re both just different forms of repressed emotions) so they need to be released for your sake.

Try this as an exercise: write a daily 5-10 minute journal of your feelings. Just put pen to paper or finger to keyboard and just write without ever stopping. Don’t contemplate and deliberate over what you’re going to write, just freaking write without thinking about what’s going to come out and let nature take its course. Type non stop and watch as your subconscious pulls up crap that you’ve been repressing and need to deal with. You’ll be surprised at how much better you feel afterwards.

Ciao for now, humans.

Excelsior!

I've also co-launched WhatsApp and Telegram groups for men who want to become amazing with women. Hundreds of guys sharing their success stories and getting advice on their sticking points. A real brotherhood. If you'd like to join, drop me a DM. Hit me up for Skype coaching too.