I'm posting this because I've had a realization about myself and I want to write it down before I forget it--and I hope that other people who've had the same problem might get something out of it.

I recently joined /r/nofap and was browsing some old posts when I found this. In it, /u/MichaelNoFap explains how he used to approach women, get rejected, but subsequently be nice and open with them, as if nothing had happened, and saw it lead to pleasant interactions. It was almost as if the initial rejections were just big versions of shit-tests.

That got me to thinking. Why is it so attractive for a guy to get rejected and handle it with poise?

Because it says all of the right things about him.

I've taken the wrong approach. I used to think that a rejection was a final statement on my worth, my social value, and mah game skillz yo. I still notice this habit in myself, and it makes me stifled with women because I wonder so much what they'll think of me. I've been letting them give me my opinion of myself.

Nope. No more. That all comes from within.

Women are of course free to reject you, but if you let them determine how you'll treat them (well), how you'll view yourself (highly, and with self-respect), and your perceived value. That's wrong. If value comes from the inside, then so does all the validation, all the social value, and all the happiness you could ever want.

With this attitude, a woman can reject your approach, but no one can reject YOU. Unless you do. With enough internal value, you are free to approach women without fear, knowing that no matter what they say, it does not carry the power to bring down the foundations of your self-esteem.

As for whether rejections are sometimes shit-tests, I really don't care. Life is the ultimate shit-test, and it wants to see if you'll hold your frame. If you can seduce that sexy motha looking back in the mirror, you can seduce life.

Anyways, there's no real technique or field report here, but hopefully you'll find some value in strengthening your inner game.

tl;dr Seduce yourself first and the world will follow