Anyone here successfully build a social circle starting with none?

lordofkooks · 2022-04-17T02:40:08+00:00

I managed to do this recently. My social circle disappeared during the pandemic and I had to rebuild it. What I've done is literally just go to the same popular coffee shop, bar, and/or restaurant continuously. Always sit at the bar if they have one. Get to know the staff and the other regular patrons. Hang out and shoot the shit.

If they like you, you'll get invited to parties and hang outs outside of the establishment where you met. I'm currently starting a band with one of the staff members of the coffee shop I frequent lol.

2022-04-17T01:15:43+00:00

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Uttzpretzels · 2022-04-17T02:24:00+00:00

I’m in my 20s and moved to a new area about two years ago. Most of my coworkers are my age and we get along great but they’re all the try that like to complain that their bored but do nothing about it. Like go for a hike, try something new etc. I found a really great friend on bumble friends 😅 she’s a local so I’ve gotten to experience more of what the city has to offer and she’s always wanting to do new things together.

I don’t know how male friendly that app is but it worked for me. Maybe try it for a day? Who knows.

Difficult_Ad_8299 · 2022-04-17T07:48:07+00:00

Just moved into Geneva and I’ve built one from scratch. Firstly, you need to know that you must dedicate a good chunk of your life to that. It takes effort, energy and is not easy.

Few tips that helped me: - find what interests you in life and subscribe on meet-up (or whatever exists in your country). I love sports so it’s easy for me to meet people around a hike or a badminton, paddle, basket, football match etc. (You can see my previous post how I’ve built some friendship and hooked up with a girl with one beginner hike event) - go to “social drinks” or “language exchange” kinda stuffs. You might go to several events without meeting anybody with whom it clicks. But you only need one to make a friend - in any circumstances talk to everybody! Not just the girls, focus on the dudes too. And also don’t get stuck with people. Move around, spot people that you feel it could click (surprisingly on my side I could very quickly see if we would click just based on the look of somebody) - if you have a place, dare to invite the cool people you meet at these events for a drink on a Friday or Saturday night! Be the connector. Met 1 cool dude there, 2 cool chicks at this other event and 2 other dudes at that other one? Invite them all at your place on Friday :)

SocialReject101 · 2022-04-17T11:21:47+00:00

Built a circle from zero to around 40 people in 4 years. Bar staff, regulars, their friends. But it takes a toll on your health. Most of these people own the places and very rarely have time to get outside of that environment. We have parties, I have helped them with business etc. Buikds your confidence and lets you feel like a fish in the water in those environments

Tiger_Fist · 2022-04-17T16:07:15+00:00

Keep an open mind and always seek out opportunities. I met people in various ways (Reddit, board game meetup, bumble bff, coffee shop cold approach, new housemates from Facebook, at bars, sports leagues) and if I met someone that seemed cool I'd host an event and invite them.

SummerSplash · 2022-04-17T07:49:05+00:00

Some things I do:

Friends of friends.

Make your own events on meetup.com, and join events there.

Go with your friends to places where you can make new friends. It's easier to start conversations when you're already with a group.

Give everyone 5 minutes before you decide to leave a conversation. Even if it was wasted time, or there is a seemingly more interesting person around, 5 mins isn't a lot of time. Especially when the conversation dies down, that's where people with great social skills show strength in keeping things engaging.

Invite people home for group dinner/drinks etc to strengthen your friendships.

Youtube/Read about how to start conversations.

Make a calendar category in google calendar called "weekly" and put all weekly events in your area there. For example, in my area there is

standup comedy
free acting class
open mic jazz bar
salsa night
certain bars are good at certain days

You can hide this category so you don't have to see it all the time.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-04-18T02:52:29+00:00

TL;DR: I have literally remade my social circles from scratch and have contacts and friends on several continents as a result. Skip to #4 for the steps, or read the whole damn thing about how I arrived at the process.

1

I'd like some advice from people who have actually built themselves a social circle.

I've rebuilt my own social circle multiple times following big life changes like moving to different cities or countries.

I'll lay it out what I did to accomplish this in bold below.

I'll also get into why this is such a common problem.

2

I feel like a solid social circle is the only thing left that I am missing. I've never had issues with this in the past, but I've been living in a new city for a few years and I have nobody outside of my coworkers.

This is such a common set of circumstances. We get through compulsory schooling without usually thinking about what that situation does for us. School places us in the same place with a bunch of the same people on a regular basis.

It's a situation that often exposes people to a lot of people over the years. Lots of opportunities to make friends and plenty of time to build relationships because you're constantly in the same place sharing experiences on a regular basis.

3

So after some accidental trial and error, I found that there are ways to artificially reproduce circumstances pretty similar to what we have in high school. What I dd actually grew from a desire to stop being afraid of parties. I liked the idea of parties but I was not comfortable dancing.

Some cultures feature dancing as a normal part of life and people growing up in those cultures are typically more comfortable because they gain a certain amount of dance vocabulary while growing up. It's normalized.

So I saw university as a chance to make up for lost time and pick up some dance vocabulary. I signed up for dance classes. A lot of different kinds. Social partner dances like salsa and the like. Hip-hop for more general situations like clubs.

I had moved to a new city to attend university and had pretty much no friends. But I made a lot of friends through those dance classes and the local dance communities in that city.

Since then I have remade my social circles from scratch multiple times and it's not even dance related anymore.

4: What I did

Basically, the key is that there are groups out there right NOW that are organized around a hobby, interest, or activity. They're holding regular events (unless there's a shutdown) and you can find listings of them online. I'll describe the steps as they work on FB but I'm sure the process could be adapted to other social media platforms.

Go to FB, search for [your city] + [an activity, hobby, or interest].
Look at the Groups or Events tabs and browse through events.
Find that strikes your attention.
Sample multiple things.

That's it, really. As for which kinds of events are "best," that's a whole other conversation. Social partner dances are great.

Other good groups can be found organized around board games, hiking, hash house harriers (look it up), rock climbing, martial arts, couchsurfing (great internationally), etc.

And the key here is that there's no work involved. You find events already being held and you just show up. And there's so much variety possible. You can easily find multiple social circles, which is nice for exposing yourself to people on a regular basis. Playing the odds like that makes it more likely you'll run into someone cool to date or befriend. It also helps normalize the whole practice of meeting new people on a regular basis. Makes it easier to be warmed up when you have a girl in front of you that you'd like to chat up, even if you're not at an event.

5

I really don't have much issue striking up conversation with strangers, but I'm 23 and I haven't made a real close friend since high school. Help lead me in the right direction.

I'm curious if you attended college, if I may ask?

And if you did, did you not meet any good friends there?

incognito3107 · 2022-04-17T05:56:22+00:00

Well, I suggest you to be proactive in making connections. Don't get down if you won't click with someone, regular relation requires similar personality, similar lifestyle and future plans, memorable mutual experiences. Throw yourself in social situations where you can meet those conditions.

insa_max · 2022-04-17T10:56:33+00:00

Meet people
Find commonalities
Take their contact
Invite them again based on commonality

Spinuchi · 2022-04-17T06:05:56+00:00

Yes 2 years ago I had 1 good friend, had a few other people I would consider a friend we would talk once or twice a year, but never hung out. Today I have a solid friend circle of really cool friends. 3 of which I just started a business with and we are planning an insane opening event next week. These are guys I look up to and motivate me to be better and we are all essentially on the same page as far as life goals etc. I met the first who introduced me to the next and we met the third randomly. From them I have met a lot of their friends and consider them all good people too

hagakurejunkie · 2022-04-17T16:40:19+00:00

Yeah, took me about 5 years and still building. Showed up to a local dive bar and started a conversation, then another, then another and another. Have gotten some great friends and about 30 women out of that bar in the past 5 years. Was difficult but definitely worth it.

Title	Anyone here successfully build a social circle starting with none?
Author	_526
Upvotes	50
Comments	18
Date	April 17, 2022 1:03 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/u5bswx/anyone_here_successfully_build_a_social_circle/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/anyone-here-successfully-build-a-social-circle.1261894 https://theredarchive.com/post/1261894

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