Can an introvert be "sociable"?

youcomehereoften · 2012-06-10T02:20:11+00:00

Yes! Fake it until you make it

Xstream2 · 2012-06-10T01:41:48+00:00

I used to be an incredibly shy and introverted person... now I'm ALWAYS the extroverted, funny, life of the party type guy... the secret is to just start talking to people, talk out loud and say whatever you want whenever you want. You'll learn that people don't judge you and it isn't awkward after a while to be so outgoing

BinaryShadow · 2012-06-10T04:33:50+00:00

As a social-introvert, I find that I can do it only in small doses. Like a few nights a week MAX (most likely just the two weekend nights). Otherwise, I need to recharge alone or with close friends only.

It is getting easier. I find the hardest part is stepping outside the house or driving up to the club/bar. Once I'm there and have a beer in me, I'm good. Not the life of the party or anything just yet, but am comfortable.

onetruesap · 2012-06-10T06:48:33+00:00

I'm very introverted, but I've taken steps to be better. These are the two things I've done to help and they seem to have worked. Granted, I'm still learning so YMMV.

1.

Since, for me, starting off singing karaoke was not an option, I had to start small and practical. Talk to the cashier, the barista, the waiter/waitress. I find the most difficult part of socializing is to approach a person. This takes that part out of the equation while I figure out how to talk to people. Start off by asking how their day is going. Is the grocery store/movie theater/restaurant busy today?

As you get a feel for that and you can move onto more difficult things like saying you like their hair, necklace, nails etc (this is specific to women since this is my focus, but you can adjust it accordingly). This has gone ok, but the positives have outweighed the negatives. I've gotten awkward silences, but then I've also had a girl talk to me for about 10 minutes just because I complimented her hair.

2.

1 has helped me develop #2. Don't be afraid to talk. I always filter everything that I say. At first, I would hardly say anything because I over-analyzed what I wanted to say and even once I thought of something to say, it was way too late. Experiment when doing #1. Say something you usually wouldn't, but something that is on your mind. Ease into it, though. For example, I was talking to a girl the other day and she used the word "labyrinth" rather than "maze" and I told her I found it interesting that she chose "labyrinth" over "maze." That sounds a little stupid, but it actually played out ok. Not great, but again, it's about practice, IMHO.

I'm working on approaching people in clubs/bars now, but that's been a wreck, so no comment here. I'm actually asking reddit about a situation that happened tonight :-)

Note that I'm no expert and I'm still awkward, but I've improved a lot. Some of the responses are more general, but I hope the examples here help.

tldr; #1 talk to cashier/waitress, #2 don't be afraid to say something that's on your mind.

vellyr · 2012-06-10T01:52:01+00:00

Yes, it may never become natural though. I realize I need to build social connections so I force myself to go out to a party or a club or something at least a couple times a month. Once I get there I can flip on my "social switch" and generally have a good time and meet people. I don't find large social events fun in general, but the seeds I plant there can help me do things I find entertaining later on, so it's a good skill to have.

himynameisderek · 2012-06-10T04:19:26+00:00

I'm an introvert. I enjoy spending time alone as much as possible. But with that being said, I am extremely extroverted when hanging out with friends. You just have to have confidence in yourself.

woocheese · 2012-06-10T10:56:45+00:00

I am sort of introverted but not shy. I prefer to be one on one or one on two rather than find myself chatting with groups of three or more. You do not need to be a hermit to be introverted. People often mistake calling themselves an introvert when they are actually just shy. I have no desire what so ever to be the loud noisy guy at the party who is screaming out for attention from everyone at a gathering. I would rather focus on a handful of people or the girl I approach. The difference between being shy and an introvert is I feel happy and really enthusiastic when talking to people one on one or in small groups. When making small talk with a bunch of guys I don't know all at once I really just don't give a shit. It's boring and uninteresting for me.

Introverts prefer solitary activities over social ones, whereas shy people (who may be extroverts at heart) avoid social encounters out of fear. - Wikipedia

It sounds to me you are shy not introverted.

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-06-10T02:50:04+00:00

There is a general theory in Jungian psychology that an extravert is energized by social contact with people and feels drained without other people around. But an introvert feels like his energy is drained by social contact and is energized when alone. That's actually how Jung defined the terms, he invented them.

Anyway, the general advice for introverts is to go out and be social, but be sure to have plenty of rest and time to be alone, to recuperate. You don't have to place yourself in the midst of a big crowd, that sort of social scene might not be what you like. Just find some moderate social occasions, even break off into smaller groups of people that are easier to deal with.

This is one reason PUAs talk about "sets." Some guys look into a bar and see a crowd of people, it can be overwhelming. We encourage people to look at this scene as a bunch of "sets" of 2 or 3 people, sometimes groups of 5 or 6. If you break it down like that, it's not so overwhelming.

Jemiller · 2012-06-10T06:27:08+00:00

Absolutely. Extraversion is "the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self". Introversion is "the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life". -Marriam Webster Dictionary These are not laws but tendencies and habits. If you want to be someone who you are not, commit to it and watch yourself change. This doesn't mean you can be passive. You must actively seek out ways to be more outgoing and less socially awkward.

When you see someone who you wish to speak with: go fucking converse. When you have a question but feel like backing down because you could be embarrassed: speak the fuck up. You can't efficiently change who you are if you aren't actively trying. Good luck

bythepowerofthor · 2012-06-10T08:37:50+00:00

I'm pretty fortunate, I work at the biggest bar district in my city. Turning on my switch is as easy as walking through the doors of my work. It is possible though, you just gotta talk to everyone.

brygphilomena · 2012-06-10T19:08:38+00:00

I am an introvert, I don't exactly function very well in clubs or bars or other large gatherings of people. You get used to those settings, but often times you don't exactly change from an introvert to an extrovert. I still prefer one on one, or small close groups of friends.

But you can learn to be sociable. That is just about talking to people. One piece of advice that was in "The Game" was don't google things, ask people instead. I was in Vegas by the pools the other day, thinking about the seven deadly sins, and I couldn't remember half of them. I started asking people around me, the lifeguards, whomever. I got a couple of them really thinking about it, and one knew. Its a great way to start a conversation, and you don't even have to talk after that point if you don't want to. But it makes for a great opener.

That day, as I was walking to the bathroom, I overheard one of the lifeguards ask a hostess there, because she was curious. And one of them after a while went in the back and wrote them down for me since she had to know too.

Stythe · 2012-06-10T20:51:30+00:00

Introverts are social, just in less intense way. If you want to become an extrovert, follow just go all out. Say and do anything in front of anyone and remember those who are upset about it are, most likely, jealous of your carefree attitude. Within reason anyway.

Having said that, if you're not planning on becoming a full on extrovert, say it doesn't suit you or whatever, then go more for being comfortable with you as opposed to being the life of the party. You're goal (in my opinion anyway) should be to attract the women you like. Not simply the ones you can bed. But that's your call, obviously.

goofproofacorn · 2012-06-12T01:57:03+00:00

yes its possible

leodoestheopposite · 2012-06-11T03:05:48+00:00

Shy and introvert is not the same thing. Not all introvert are shy, but all shy people are introvert.

This book will help you understand yourself as an introvert, society's view of introverts, and it will give you some tools to navigate through life: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

Title	Can an introvert be "sociable"?
Author	Dogfight1
Upvotes	13
Comments	22
Date	June 10, 2012 1:33 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/utzby/can_an_introvert_be_sociable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/can-an-introvert-be-sociable.1308202 https://theredarchive.com/post/1308202

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