Can someone explain to me why and how touching another person isn't awkward?

bl1y · 2015-03-01T15:45:21+00:00

There was a study on this recently, and when touch isn't part of your normal socialization, it actually does feel differently to you. It's not pleasurable, and instead is a source of stress.

You feel awkward touching people because it's outside of your normal socialization. The only way to change how it feels is to change how you act. And here's the tough part: you have to push through the awkwardness many times before it will change for you. It's like breaking in new shoes, the only way to do it is to wear them.

Start with small things. Shake people's hands when you first meet them, stuff like that.

Th3Leak · 2015-03-01T14:40:33+00:00

Sometimes, the fear of touching people, can stem from someone having invaded your personal space with touching in the past, and therefore you find it awkward.
Every human has a space around him or her, that extends beyond our bodies, and when people:

touch you,
make strong eyecontact with you,
stand in front of you,
stands close to you,
raise their voice,
or talk about you,

you can get the feeling of your personal space being invaded. This feeling becomes present if a stranger is doing more than two of those 6 things at one time. You want to avoid inducing this feeling in people.
If you want to make it less awkward to touch a person, try standing at an angle to them, lowering your voice or easing up on the eyecontact. Try to keep those six things in mind, and you can get a LOT closer to the people around you, without it being perceived as awkward.

recyclablebantha · 2015-03-01T15:29:03+00:00

.....I can crack jokes with anybody.....

This is not bad, but don't put pressure on yourself to be funny. It's really not necessary.

So how did you guys get over how awkward touching other people is?

It's a question of mindset and also of breaking your habits and living with discomfort.

Mindset: People touch, hug, kiss, etc. The main reason this is discomforting and awkward is if you assume it is. Your discomfort will be picked up on by them and you'll make them feel uncomfortable even if they weren't before.
Breaking habits: It's not easy but you have to get used to pushing through discomfort and getting in peoples' space. It's going to feel awkward but you have to play through it. Taking a dance class can do wonders for this.

CoCaptainJack · 2015-03-01T16:19:53+00:00

Do you want a hot girl to touch you? Girls want the same from hit guys

DaygameCoach · 2015-03-01T16:20:24+00:00

It is a self limiting belief. You believe it is awkward, so it is.

wifestealer19 · 2015-03-01T17:21:12+00:00

Touching is the easiest part for me. I love 'kino'. If the girl is receptive, it gets me in the mood quickly.

joshsway · 2015-03-01T15:11:02+00:00

Do it and see it isn't awkward. Human touch is a fundamental form of communication between humans.

IpickupGrandmothers · 2015-03-01T19:34:04+00:00

So how did you guys get over how awkward touching other people is?

You really just have to go for it, maybe mess up a couple of times, and then it'll click in your head, "OH so that's what they mean!" It's just like approaching. You don't get over your fear and then approach. You get over your fear by approaching.

If you like a girl, and say, she hugs you from behind. Chances are, you're probably gonna enjoy it. It's the same principle. If you're an attractive dude and you can make an educated guess that she likes you, then chances are, she probably wouldn't mind if, say, you put your arm around her or something.

magokaiser · 2015-03-02T02:49:17+00:00

take a look at this MOOC, its about the science of happines:

https://www.edx.org/course/science-happiness-uc-berkeleyx-gg101x#.VPPNOfmUeSo

In week 2 "Power of Social Conection" there is actually a lecture on the Science of Touch that start with this:

Science had largely ignored touch as a serious topic of study. But recently, researchers have started to document how touch is a fundamental social behavior that humans are exquisitely equipped to display. They are finding that social touch signals safety and trust, boosts health, and facilitates relationships. Their results not only suggest the deep roots of our ability to connect with others but also shed light on the important role--often overlooked--that simple touches can play in our happiness and health.

Personally, how I got rid to the feeling awkward while touching was taking dancing lessons (tried Tango, Bachata and Salsa), they helped me getting really close to the oposite sex in a concensual way, and they are a LOT of FUN!

cpcallen · 2015-03-02T09:51:17+00:00

I wouldn't say I was every particularly uncomfortable about touching people, but I would say two things helped make me even more comfortable:

That my university friends/housemates were quite inclined towards (emphatically non-sexual) hugs and other casual social touching.
Learning to dance (in my case swing, but any partner dance is a good start) made me much more comfortable with protracted, one-on-one touch - and in particular leading through touch.

If your reason for feeling anxious about touching people is not knowing whether the touch is welcome (and fear of being called out if it isn't) then partner dancing and other similar structured-touch activities (contact improv, massage, etc. - anything where there is a lot of contact but also clear etiquette about how and where to touch) are great because you know the other person is wanting and expecting touch or they wouldn't be there.

Nothing is a panacea - being comfortable hugging or dancing with an attractive woman won't automatically make you comfortable escalating beyond that point (or being able to figure out whether such escalation would be welcome) - but it is certainly a big step up from not touching at all.

nicemace · 2015-03-02T10:49:27+00:00

Do you take any photos with female friends? If so. When standing next to them just clutch them up hand on their hips. Just laugh and say something like 'come on gota look normal eh?' While acting completely normal....cause it is normal.

zomgitsduke · 2015-03-02T12:07:47+00:00

If you haven't done touching yet, start with high fives. You'll get a feel when they're really appropriate and when they were forced.

Here are some examples I use for friends: pat on the back as I arrive at happy hour, high fives, touch a shoulder to ask them to step aside

Here's how I flirt with touch: longer rub on the back as I arrive at happy hour, high fives with squeezing their hand after, hold my hand on their shoulder or waist to ask them to step aside

Very closely related, huh? You can slowly make the transition, but ONLY when you feel comfortable doing it. Start with the friendly touches with all friends and start slow. Forced awkward behavior is one of the easiest things to recognize. Go slow.

Title	Can someone explain to me why and how touching another person isn't awkward?
Author	great_account
Upvotes	11
Comments	14
Date	March 1, 2015 2:08 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2xk7f0/can_someone_explain_to_me_why_and_how_touching/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/can-someone-explain-to-me-why-and-how-touching.1294017 https://theredarchive.com/post/1294017

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