dealing with the 'manly' man

Alphagreen_97 · 2024-09-25T03:00:34+00:00

You say that you want him to be head over heels, but you really don't.

Women say that all the time, but the moment a man shows too much interest and spends too much time with her she becomes distant and passive.

You may think otherwise but it is the truth, every guy in here knows what I'm talking about.

The thing with the opinion, you may need to sit him down and say how you feel. That you feel unappreciated and you would like for him to listen to you. But how you described him it is unlikely he will change. You can try, but if he does not want to listen to you, you can either accept it or leave.

comacove · 2024-09-25T03:02:58+00:00

lol

"I’m in a tough financial situation, and he’s quite well-off, which makes our dynamic work well. I really like him, but I also need him to listen to me."

lmao

Chickenbeans__ · 2024-09-25T02:59:59+00:00

You cannot encourage him to value your opinions. If he views women as followers and enjoys the financial, decision-making and emotional power dynamic between y’all then your (possibly well examined) opinions will always be second fiddle to his first instinct. I’ve met many men like that. He will be only as invested as wants to be. He will only selectively listen to you. The love will likely be conditional. You are intrinsically lesser than him in his eyes. Good luck

MyUsername0_0 · 2024-09-25T03:10:02+00:00

So you're okay with him being traditional by being the sole provider for you but when he wants to be traditional and lead the relationship you don't like that?? You can't have it both ways.

zirticario · 2024-09-25T03:04:07+00:00

Think about the opposite. Are there things that would make YOU yearn to be with him and think about nothing but him and never look at another man? If not, then you shouldn’t expect that of him. If so, then think about (or ask) him what he finds attractive enough in a woman to elicit that kind of response, and BE that if you want that from him. If it turns out that you want a certain kind of treatment that begins to lean towards simp-hood, then he may be (rightfully) unwilling to oblige, as that would kill any genuine attraction you have for him and his dominance/masculinity anyway.

Sharp-Safety-9260 · 2024-09-25T03:24:34+00:00

All you have to do is make him feel like ‘the man’. That’s it.

ballfond · 2024-09-25T03:26:40+00:00

Make it so that he develops an instinct of being happy when you are happy

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2024-09-25T04:41:57+00:00

I'm a Dom in the kink community, and you're definitely a submissive woman looking for a dominant man, so I can give some perspective here.

I asked you in another comment how long you've been dating and as of yet you haven't responded, so I'm going to guess it's not been very long. Probably not more than six months.

I think you have what's known as "New Relationship Energy". It's infatuation. The beginning stage of a relationship where you see your partner as perfect because you're high on new romance. The feeling of NRE is a great feeling, yet it also keeps the analytical part of our brains from functioning properly. I can only go from what you're describing in your posts and the comments, but you're not at the stage right now where you can see your partner's flaws, and some of the stuff you're saying is raising some red flags.

One form of abusive relationships is financial abuse. It's where one partner controls the other one because they have all the money, so the abusive partner can be the biggest prick on the planet and there's nothing the abused can do because they don't have the financial means to get out. I don't know if that's the case here, but to prevent that you are going to need to have the ability to make your own money. If you being unable to support yourself is one of the qualities he wants in a partner, that's being abusive, not dominant. I'm bringing this up because you said in a previous comment that when it comes to money, "he has the upper hand". It might seem nice to have a man with money and not needing to work now, but when the NRE wears off being with him will eventually feel like clocking into a job that you hate.

If your partner has trust issues, it may be a long time before he trusts you enough to have feelings involved. You'll have to take time for that. I had to date my wife for a year before I told her that I loved her because I had been burned so often before. So even if he isn't an abusive jackass, he'll still need to know that you're not going anywhere before he'll develop feelings.

It doesn't sound like you have a traditional D/s relationship, but being that you are a submissive woman that wants a dominant man, you're going to have to do what us good, kinky folks do when we start a dynamic. You're both going to sit down and discuss your boundaries. Decide what is on and off limits for the both of you. Write them down. There is NO ARGUING about any of this. If one of you isn't comfortable doing something, it can't be a part of your relationship. Period, end of story. Eventually you will find terms that you can both agree on. If either of you won't abide by the agreements, that person is being abusive (or at least, a bad partner) and needs to stop. You'll also have to renegotiate over time as people in long term relationships are bound to change, especially since you said you're new to dating and that means you aren't entirety sure what you want in a relationship yet (what we fantasize about a relationship being doesn't always work in reality). Everything in a successful, healthy relationship needs to be consensual. If valuing your opinions is on that list, he needs to goddamn well do it. I really want to emphasize that there's a big difference between being dominant and being abusive, and anyone you're going to be with needs to be the former and not the latter. If he's not comfortable discussing boundaries and tells you it's his way or the highway, leave immediately. That's their way of telling you that they don't care about your feelings. That's abusive behavior that stems from insecurity, not the behavior of a confident, dominant man.

You should get The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book and read both and have him do likewise. Even if you're both not into kink they'll teach you to have a good, healthy dynamic. You should also take the BDSM test (Google it) so you can find out what kind of submissive woman you are. There's many different kinds, and that will help you decide what kind of a dynamic you want to have with your partner.

As for ways to talk to and please your man, message me for that. I don't like to give out all my secrets on here. I'm very selective about who I teach.

Unlucky-Amphibian623 · 2024-09-25T04:51:55+00:00

God women are insufferable…

ShortPreference7019 · 2024-09-25T04:58:43+00:00

You need to explore what you both mean by "he leads". That generally (historically) meant that women had very little opinion to give because men made the decisions. You both need to explore this and see if you match up on what things your opinion is valued on and where it isn't.

You need to realize HE WILL LOOK AT WOMEN. Period. But the good news is that he can absolutely love you more than anything and still look at women. It's more about does he point them out, does he objectify them? Or is he quiet about it and you don't notice it lol. OR are you paranoid and watch him like a hawk if a hot woman walks by.

The best way to move forward is to explore you own wants and desires and communicate them to him. Then listen to his. Communicate on what your future would look like and be very specific.

No-Preference8767 · 2024-09-25T05:04:35+00:00

You shouldn't really confront him about things directly. You'd want to suggest and influence him without him noticing if possible. You'd also want to stroke his ego if you have no choice but to be direct such as suggesting the color of something.

what are some traits that masculine men love in thier partners. I know he reall values looks and loyalty but what else?

Keepin it all the way 💯 Servitude is the best way for the alpha traditional types. do stuff for him and make him not have to think. The masculine is working and providing. You can ask for more words or actions from him to acknowledge your effort with the leverage of the things you do for him that he doesn't think about. Then if you pull back he'll notice and hopefully appreciate more.

Any_Vacation8988 · 2024-09-25T05:20:17+00:00

What you fail to realize is that the things you want him to change are what makes him attractive to you in the first place and will keep you hoping one day you’ll be the one to change him.

nycfunn420 · 2024-09-25T03:39:02+00:00

That's not happening. The devoted thing. If he's real masculine then in general he's not going to be devoted to anyone outside his mom, family, and friends. But here; You need to offer some kind of extra extra value. Being a mom to his kid, offer a traditional feminine personality like cooking and doing it WELL. Treat him like he's the strongest man you've ever met. But believable, this could be a sensitive thing so don't do it unless you mean it or at least can perfectly act like you mean it. Learn to cook specifically for him so he could notice how much effort you're putting in to offer more. The obvious and easy thing is having an extra partner in the bedroom once every few months. 2-3x a yr. Why would he ever leave a woman that gets him other women? Do it now, not when you get old and some girl 15 years younger can steal him just because she's young.

You need to prove certain things for him to want him to value opinions. Men are raised to be workers, we are raised to only think in being right. Being accurate. Making the least amount of mistakes. Almost computerized. So you need to prove that your opinions have value other than you just trying to vent your feelings. If you're not getting along with a coworker he's probably not going to automatically take your side. Talk to your girls if you need someone to blindly take your side. Your opinions and thoughts can't be hints either. He's not trying to guess or figure out a riddle. The more direct the better, that's how we think. Prove you have good ideas. Prove you can be right. Prove he SHOULD value your opinions besides the fact that he "has" to because you're his girl. You should be fine though. We are simple. Just pointing out other girls nice bodies will increase your value a little.

luroot · 2024-09-25T03:47:51+00:00

I bought a Lambo, now how can I go off-roading in it and make it more fuel-efficient? 😄

Also, if you have to try at this point...you're simply not hot enough.

Title	dealing with the 'manly' man
Author	Other-Ad548
Upvotes	0
Comments	28
Date	September 25, 2024 2:47 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1foufh4/dealing_with_the_manly_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dealing-with-the-manly-man.1531311 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531311

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